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Ladies, you all know us men can be downright insecure. We do everything we can to attract you but often lack confidence in what we bring to the table.
For the men and women, what makes men feel the most inadequate based on observations?
1.) Money
2.) Height
3.) Sexual Prowess (ease in finding partners and "size")
4.) Looks
5.) Other
I've always felt that successful men are either naturally confident/charismatic or previously insecure men that channeled that energy into something that helps to compensate. This doesn't mean that all insecure men are successful.
Size from what I see and hear. if I had a dollar for every time a guy asked "Does size really matter?" or "Is it true when girls say size doesn't matter?" Seems men fixate on that more than women.
I consider height and look to go together. So, Appearance is what I feel is second.
But really, it depends on the men. Some men are insecure about money and think it's the selling point if they aren't rich, and money is all women care about.
Then a guy who has a damn good job, and makes good money, probably thinks he's plain in terms of looks, so he'll think all women care about is looks, because he's got the other stuff.
So, there's no concrete answer, as all people are different. It's just some stuff you may be used to seeing more. But that may not always mean there's more of it in general. Whatever someone feels they don't have, they will feel insecure and think everything hinges on that.
I am very insecure about generally everything about myself. I am a woman though. So, when problems arouse, it doesn't help the feeling. lol It's a personal thing. Some get passed it, and become comfortable with themselves as they get more age and experience on them. Some will die insecure.
Last edited by HappyRain; 01-31-2015 at 09:31 PM..
Women are just as insecure and men. Mainly when it comes to looks.
I don't really care how good the job is...as long as he can pay his bills and support himself..that's good enough for me. I don't worry too much about height either...I really don't pay too much attention to anything because it's not really a major priority.
I am not really secure with myself but I don't take it out on others....and I am trying to do something about it. It all depends on the person and what they care about the most.
I agree with the first four, and it all depends on the man in question...so there's no discernible order. Especially just from the men on this board...I honestly didn't know height was a sore point before I joined up here. Nor did I realize money was such a big deal to men (or as some of them refer to it as "status"). I have come across the size issue before. Oh...if ONLY men realized most of what they have look exactly like every other guys out there and most women have no desire to have their internal organs rearranged during intercourse.
3.) Sexual Prowess (ease in finding partners and "size")
4.) Looks
5.) Other
Insecurities are as wide and varied as they come, but OP probably captured the vast majority with his list. My thoughts:
Money: I've been employed my whole adult life. While I've never been swimming in cash, I always managed to do okay for myself and with one exception, never dated overly materialistic people. Hence money has never been a source of insecurity for me.
Height: The average American male is 5'9" and I'm 5'7". There have been plenty of times I wished I was taller, but for the most part height has never derailed me from pursuing anything or anyone.
Sexual Prowess: I think the key for me was always being able to find what my partner liked. Even as I went through multiple partners in a short period of time what remained constant for me was an ability and willingness to do new things based on her preferences. As far as size goes, only about 4 months ago and inspired by a discussion right here on CD did I actually measure myself. That should give you an idea of how worried about size I am. It's not like I'm abnormally large; I've just never worried about it. In fact, I've only had two girlfriends ever even mention size. One of them brought it up specifically because I was "small enough" to fit where she wanted it without it being overly painful. She didn't mean it as an insult, it was just that her previous boyfriend was a black man who was just...bigger. (Sorry if this furthers a stereotype, I'm just sharing her explanation.)
Looks: I often describe myself as "reasonably good looking." I'm no pretty boy, but not quite "rugged" either. I'm just somewhere in the middle, I guess. The thing is, I was always confident enough in myself, including my appearance, to cold approach quite a bit before I was married, including the woman I am now married to. I don't get hit on very often, but I do sometimes notice when I get scoped out by a woman. In fact, it happened at work just the other day. This woman gave me one of the most brazen "you're a piece of meat and I'd eat you alive right here and now if I could get away with it" looks I've ever experienced. It came complete with the complete head-to-toe scan followed by eye contact and some slight licking and biting of her lip, all while walking conspicuously slowly past me (and holding her stare on me even as she passed me) while I waited for the elevator. Not that I need confirmation, but stuff like this tells me I am still very marketable. Of course, I'm also off the market, so I guess that's irrelevant.
Other: I guess I am just blessed. Even when I've experienced rejection I've never let it define me. I was always smart enough to know I'd win some and lose some. I did experience some insecurity for a while when I started to admit to myself I liked overweight women. This was more of a societal insecurity than a relationship insecurity, though. I suppressed it for a while because society told me I wasn't supposed to like "fat chicks." Eventually I got over that, which I've discussed from time to time here on this forum.
Overall I'd say I'm a pretty confident person. I'm sure I've got some insecurities buried in there somewhere, but so far they don't seem to have surfaced in a noticeable way.
I think confidence is a very big deal in all aspects of life. I have friends who see me approach women, get numbers, arrange dates etc and they wonder how I do it. It was never so easy for me and it took time to build my confidence, especially from being a shy, reserved, overweight, acne ridden teenager. I lost a lot of confidence due to the latter physical misfortunes. It was only until my early 20's that I really started becoming more successful with women because I took action.
Look, I don't know if you're asking this question for yourself or others, but take it from me, right now I'm in the worse situation I've ever been in. I am without a car, no place of my own, just recovering from bad mental illness and I work a crappy sales job, yet does that stop me from getting dates and numbers? No! I have built up a confidence that feels natural to me now and I think that's why I still do better than the average guy in my situation. Obviously, I set my standards a little lower due to my situation, but It's either that or just let all these beautiful, amazing, interesting women pass me by and regret it. Of course, I am trying to change things and get back on track to my goals and what I want to achieve for MY (no one else's) happiness.
However, to answer your question in short - I would put confidence right at the very top. You could still be universally unattractive, nothing going for you at all, but if you have lots of natural confidence, women will gravitate towards you. It is weird how attraction works to be honest with you, but I'm glad it's so unique.
Classic insecurity relates to "self" in general and has many manifestations - insecure people simply don't believe that they are "good enough" in any number of ways. They are inwardly focused on themselves and their shortcomings. Everything is about them, compared to you. This includes one type of narcissism, which is simply a mask.
From the experiences I've had with women regarding size: i am not a well-endowed man. I'm probably strictly average, though I don't go around asking other men to take there pants off so I can measure. I've learned that it's more important to be comfortable and know what you're doing and how to please Mod cut. . There ARE women out there who are size queens, there are or were a few women that were vocal about it on this site though I'm not sure if they're here any longer.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-01-2015 at 08:42 AM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
The size issue is male based. Every female is different, so if you don't measure up, move on. Some women need a baby arm, while others would be scared of it...whatever, it's a personal preference, not sure why that seems to be one that people fixate on. There are more women who hate huge, then the one's who are on the hunt for it.
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what remained constant for me was an ability and willingness to do new things based on her preferences. As far as size goes, only about 4 months ago and inspired by a discussion right here on CD did I actually measure myself. That should give you an idea of how worried about size I am. It's not like I'm abnormally large; I've just never worried about it. In fact, I've only had two girlfriends ever even mention size. One of them brought it up specifically because I was "small enough" to fit where she wanted it without it being overly painful. She didn't mean it as an insult, it was just that her previous boyfriend was a black man who was just...bigger. (Sorry if this furthers a stereotype, I'm just sharing her explanation.) 
