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Generally, I've been finding that the women that I'm highly physically attracted to are usually lukewarm or uninterested in me. At the very least, they are not approaching me (maybe I need to be more aggressive towards them?). I am by no means chasing after 10s either. The select few girls whom I've dated that I've been highly attracted to physically were not, let's just say for the sake of their reputations, long term material. It's the women that I'm not that physically attracted to that seem to be really into me however.
In order to find happiness in my romantic relationships, I need to find a way to break this cycle. I think part of my problem, at times, is that I pursue the low hanging fruit. In other words, I embrace anything and everything that shows interest in me. Initially, when I meet one of these women that I'm not physically attracted to but who seem to be really into me, I try to tell myself that I'll get over it and I'll grow attracted to some other feature of theirs. But this almost never happens. Last night I was with a woman I met awhile back and we recently decided to start things up again. And again, I found myself thinking throughout the night that I'm not attracted to her (and by her, I mean physically and her personality; she is a little too rambunctious for me, and swears a lot which is kind of a turn off for me).
Have you experienced this? Did you resolve it? If so, how did you approach it? I think, for starters, I need to start being a little more discriminatory and stop convincing myself that I will fall for some other trait that they have, because more often than not, that doesn't happen.
It definitely happens for me. But most of my happenings with guys came from school years ago. I had crushes on guys, I thought they were cute and/or funny, and I would have loved them to be interested, but they never were. That was about 5-7 guys, I forget the exact number, but no more than 7.
Then the guys who like me, I don't care for. Not only do I not like their looks, but the personality and/or way they carry themselves isn't attractive. so just no saving graces or things to work with there.
This hasn't been resolved, because I am usually always home. But I THINK my luck may improve when I move, and will be around a more diverse number of guys. But that's a maybe. And that won't happen for a while, because I have other things to get in order before moving is even a thought. My grandmother is usually the one I talk to about more personal matters. Her thoughts is guys around here suck, and I am pretty, so had I moved to the next city-where I plan to go, I would have met someone already. But that's an opinion and subjective.
But, if worse comes to worse, I will just be single. That's better than settling. And when I say settling, I mean staying with someone you aren't attracted to just to have someone. I am not talking about compromising, that's fine & good. Settling is what's not, imo.
I did like you only once, where I wasn't attracted physically, but went to meet him anyhow, and his doormat personality was a turn-off in addition to his looks. My mother says I need to settle. my grandmother says that's nonsense, and she's giving me advice she doesn't take, stating my mother never dated anyone she thought was ugly, and didn't marry a man she thought was ugly, and that it makes no sense to.
Last edited by HappyRain; 12-17-2014 at 03:06 PM..
It definitely happens for me. But most of my happenings with guys came from school years ago. I had crushes on guy, I thought they were cute and/or funny, and I would have loved them to be interested, but they never were. That was about 5-7 guys, I forget the exact number, but no more than 7.
Then the guys who like me, I don't care for. Not only do I not like their looks, but the personality and/or way they carry themselves isn't attractive. so just no saving graces or things to work with there.
This hasn't been resolved, because I am usually always home. But I THINK my luck may improve when I move, and will be around a more diverse number of guys. But that's a maybe. And that won't happen for a while, because I have other things to get in order before moving is even a thought. My grandmother is usually the one I talk to about more personal matters. Her thoughts is guys around here suck, and I am pretty, so had I moved to the next city-where I plan to go, I would have met someone already. But that's an opinion and subjective.
But, if worse comes to worse, I will just be single. That's better than settling. And when I say settling, I mean staying with someone you aren't attracted to just to have someone. I am not talking about compromising, that's fine & good. Settling is what's not, imo.
I did like you only once, where I wasn't attracted physically, but went to meet him anyhow, and his doormat personality was a turn-off in addition to his looks. My mother says I need to settle. my grandmother says that's nonsense, and she's giving me advice she doesn't take, stating my mother never dated anyone she thought was ugly, and didn't marry a man she thought was ugly, and that it makes no sense to.
That's the way my mother is lol. She had every guy she ever wanted and more banging down her door and always stuck with jerks and weirdos. And she loves to tell me that "looks aren't everything".
Yeah, mutual attraction can be tough but I feel like women are more often encouraged to look past physical appearance than men are. I've never gone out with a guy who I found repulsive, but usually I'm just nonchalant about their looks and my attraction doesn't grow beyond that, so it's unfortunate.
Yeah, mutual attraction can be tough but I feel like women are more often encouraged to look past physical appearance than men are. I've never gone out with a guy who I found repulsive, but usually I'm just nonchalant about their looks and my attraction doesn't grow beyond that, so it's unfortunate.
For me, I know that I don't experience instantaneous attraction much, I have to get to know someone. I know if I got to know a good guy otherwise I probably would start to like him even if I didn't at first, but they usually do something douchebaggy right away that turns me off and that's it for me.
Hmmm, I consider myself fortunate in this case. My current girl is definitely attractive, but when I first met her, I didn't really notice her. However, as the time went on, I found her more attractive. We share a lot in common, and at the same time, there is enough differences. She has one of the most pleasant personalities I have ever dealt with.
I'm definitely attracted to what we have. There are women I can never be attracted to, I am sure. I think when it comes to women that I am just not attracted to, it is something in their personality as well as looks.
When I see a woman I find physically attractive but has a hateful personality, she still "looks good", but I'm left thinking, "What a waste".
But like I said, for most women, I can find something attractive about the ones that value me.
That's the way my mother is lol. She had every guy she ever wanted and more banging down her door and always stuck with jerks and weirdos. And she loves to tell me that "looks aren't everything".
I will say looks aren't everything, but they are important to a point. I don't need a guy like Sean Bean, though it'd be nice. But I have to find him ok to look at.
But vise-verse. If a guy asked me out, I would hope he found me pretty, rather than because - he's desperate, trying better luck with dating down, or anything of the like. I would hate a guy pity dating me, or asking me out in hopes he "acquires tastes" for me.
Last edited by HappyRain; 12-17-2014 at 03:30 PM..
My Dilemma With Physical Attraction (and Perhaps Yours)
The solution to your problem is easy.
For a guy, all you really have to do is:
1. Take care of your appearance. Be groomed, dress nicely (i.e., neatly) and be clean.
2. Have not just an interesting personality, but have something interesting in your LIFE going on. Have something you are passionate about.
For women:
1. Dont be fat. That is all.
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