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I've been in a relationship with Brad for almost two years now, and we live together. Brad has been dealing with one difficult job situation after another--he now works for a truck rental company and it stresses him out to no end. I love Brad and he's a great guy, helpful around the house, sensitive...but he's got huge anxiety issues, specifically generalized anxiety disorder. He always says he'll see a doctor/therapist but never does. I know his boss is incredibly inflexible in not allowing him time off. I said he MUST allow him time off to see a doctor but Brad won't push it in fear of rocking the boat.
He is by nature, neurotic and often negative. Small setbacks (missing a turn, hitting a long red light, slow service at a restaurant, etc) sends him into a "things should be this way" kind of angry rant. I'm generally a positive, easy going person and I just find myself drained by him. I only want to be around him on weekends, after he's decompressed a little bit.
I love him. I do. We have so much in common and he treats me like a princess. Our families get along fabulously. I want to be with him, but I also want to be in an easier, more carefree relationship. Before Brad I've had a series of stressful personal losses and I'm still recovering from that, emotionally. I feel like I'm doing all I can to retain my own happiness and emotional health, I can't deal with his daily crises too. I'm supportive as much as I possibly can, I really am. It's wearing me down. I don't know what to do. Every time I ask him to go to the doctor he's in the middle of something and "can't handle it right now".
Last October, When my best friend's live in boyfriend cheated on her and moved out I rushed to her side. Brad was having another work crises that day and accused me of putting her needs over him. I snapped and yelled at him that this situation called me to be by her side. He understood and apolgized but he still gets upset when I hang out with her, because to this day she still commiserates about her lost love and he thinks she should be over it by now. I only see her once every 2 weeks...but it's on weekends, which he sees as "his" time with me.
I'm stuck in the middle, getting fed up with it, and I don't know at what point I should throw in the towel on this guy who otherwise meets All the checkpoints.
He has an anxiety disorder and you are thinking of leaving him?
Not everyone has the naturally positive outlook and negative thinking is a huge part of anxiety disorder's, along with genetics and environment.
If you can't be supportive, than do him a favor and break it off.
I have been supportive, for almost two years now. Am I supposed to just let my emotional state suffer further because of his issues (that I clearly can't help him with)? Do you know what it's like to be in a relationship with someone with GAD? Based on your suggestion that I "do him a favor" and leave, I'm guessing you also have anxiety issues that you don't realize affects others.
I have been supportive, for almost two years now. Am I supposed to just let my emotional state suffer further because of his issues (that I clearly can't help him with)? Do you know what it's like to be in a relationship with someone with GAD? Based on your suggestion that I "do him a favor" and leave, I'm guessing you also have anxiety issues that you don't realize affects others.
I do know how it feels.
Since you are just playing house with this guy you CAN get out of the relationship.
It should never be you helping everyone else.
His condition is obvious and it's his problem not yours. You have to encourage him to get help. If you would t have moved in with him this would be easy to back off for a while.
Perhaps you saw wedding bells in his eyes when inviting you to move in. I suppose you can leave the casino with all your money before you roll again.
Does he know you're considering ending the relationship? Obviously the issue here isn't that he has anxiety, it's that it's really affecting his day to day life and his relationship, and yet he refuses to do anything about it. You shouldn't be providing emotional support to him without ever getting any back when YOU need it.
If you haven't had a come to Jesus talk with him, then I think it's time. You sound like you're at your breaking point. Either he gets some help for his issues, or you have to end the relationship for your own mental health. It sounds like an ultimatum, but it's really you just being honest about your feelings and what you need to be happy. In turn he can say yes that's something I can do or not it isn't.
Finding a therapist is very easy. And I can't imagine if he tells his employer he's having a health issue and needs to see a doctor every week that they can refuse him. He can't be working every minute - does he get an hour lunch break? If so, schedule therapy for that time. There's really no excuse. He could make something work if he wanted to.
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