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People find their lives and their aspirations stymied for all sorts of reasons. These could be a psychological pathology, or just bad luck. Or something else. It's foolish to examine a person who is apparently in great condition, but who hasn't attained his/her goals, and to remark that necessarily there must be something wrong with him/her.
Just by perusing today's threads on the Forum, we can see how geography matters. The OP's concerns are quite the norm for her area of the country, especially in the smaller cities and the towns. But they sound alien and ridiculous to the coastal urban set. Should the OP move? Not if her family-connections and career are in her current locale.
The sorts of people who want a nuclear family and children of their own, vs. those who don't, are going to have vastly different priorities and pressures in dating. What to the child-free is a perpetual period of contemplation and exploration, is very much a time-constrained gnawing period of apprehension, to those who really wish to have biological kids of their own.
Those posters who suggested church and church-groups are definitely offering good advice. Such venues offer prospects most condign with the OP's desires, even if she is not devoutly religious. In the South and Midwest, so many of our social connections are through religion. For many of us, this is deeply unfortunate and stifling. But for less zealous detractors, this is a good opportunity, worthy of exploration.
I admire a lot of the statements that you post on here, but I don't think that it is fair to call people who met the right person for them while in their twenties, stupid. Some people do, and some don't. I don't judge those who married later in life, or who decided not to marry at all. I think it's best if we all treat each other with respect regardless of how our opinions or life experiences vary.
I don't either. Please read my comment again. I don't think people who met their significant other at a young age are stupid, but if they are going to make a comment to me that there's something lacking within me because I didn't marry by 30, I most certainly am going to give it right back to them.
Immature perhaps, but if they aren't going to respect me then they aren't getting any in return.
I'm not saying ALL people who meet their SOs in their 20s think this way, just to clarify.
There is something to be said for meeting your SO at a young age and going through your naiveties together. As apposed to meeting them much later, and learning what each other has / hasn't learned over time. Me, At this time in my life, Im just looking for a woman that wont sleep with all my friends and steal all my chit when my back is turned. I mean that in a nice way.
Just want to get honest opinions..I'll probably regret this question later..I'm 33 and never married. I came close to getting engaged once. I really want to be married as I look at everyone I grew up with, my siblings, and people my age now all married. I have to ask why I'm not? I have my own place, graduated college, no debt, in excellent shape, attractive (but not the prettiest-pic in profile), and personable and sweet personality. I lack a lot of confidence especially now..I have guys that like me, but it's never anyone I can see myself with. I was dating someone about 6 months and he was really into me the first few months then lost interest and kinda disappeared. It hurts to know that I've reached my peak in what I have to offer yet it's still not good enough..I'm scared to death I will have no children and die alone..like a failure at life for not completing the most biological life cycle..it's not a failure if you don't have children, but if you want them with your hearts desire and only in a marriage relationship and can't seem to that is where the feelings of fail come in..How can you feel good about yourself when your the last one..It's like that feeling in elementary school when your last one picked for the kickball team..My question is if I think this about myself is that what others think when they look at me? that nobody wants me?
I'm 35 and could've written this post. You should feel good about yourself because of all you've accomplished and that you haven't settled. In fact, you should be proud of yourself for not succumbing to the pressure of society by settling with the wrong man and being stuck in a miserable marriage just to fit a certain mold. Keep finding ways to enjoy life. I have horrible moments like yours where I think the universe is against me, that life's not fair, that I'll never find anyone, but then I think of all the good in my life, all that I've seen, done and accomplished. In time, the rest will fall into place. Don't give up hope. Just keep dating and try to find the humor in the failures. I know exactly how you feel. It's truly not the end of the world that you're single, even if it feels like it. Keep smiling!!!
And while on the topic of "pretty girls". In my experience, I never was much for asking out above average women for the simple fact that that all they have are looks. That's it. Once those looks fade away, there's just a shell. No personality, soul, or character. Their looks carried them everywhere, so they never had to develop anywhere else in life.
You want the "ugly ducklings"
The girls who didn't blossom till ATLEAST 1/2 way through high school.
I've dated several of these and they ARE the complete package!
1 I still talk to occasionally, and sometimes I regret we wanted so different things in/out of life. Otherwise....
I don't either. Please read my comment again. I don't think people who met their significant other at a young age are stupid, but if they are going to make a comment to me that there's something lacking within me because I didn't marry by 30, I most certainly am going to give it right back to them.
Immature perhaps, but if they aren't going to respect me then they aren't getting any in return.
I'm not saying ALL people who meet their SOs in their 20s think this way, just to clarify.
It's all good. All the best to you and the path you've chosen.
Being 30 or 30-something and unmarried is common as dirt now days.
haha, love it.
well, at somepoint many soon recognize this "you go girl, you can do it all" mentality will run up against the biological clock, leading to a pool of choices that aren't, umm, your best choice,.... or perhaps the feeling is mutual. so what do you do? compromise?
and now a days more than ever, men too are now questioning the incentives to be married, and even having children. why? because it's not the sweet all-the-love-you-can-get fairy tale relationship it's promoted as. google "men going their own way" for more...
Just want to get honest opinions..I'll probably regret this question later..I'm 33 and never married. I came close to getting engaged once. I really want to be married as I look at everyone I grew up with, my siblings, and people my age now all married. I have to ask why I'm not? I have my own place, graduated college, no debt, in excellent shape, attractive (but not the prettiest-pic in profile), and personable and sweet personality. I lack a lot of confidence especially now..I have guys that like me, but it's never anyone I can see myself with. I was dating someone about 6 months and he was really into me the first few months then lost interest and kinda disappeared. It hurts to know that I've reached my peak in what I have to offer yet it's still not good enough..I'm scared to death I will have no children and die alone..like a failure at life for not completing the most biological life cycle..it's not a failure if you don't have children, but if you want them with your hearts desire and only in a marriage relationship and can't seem to that is where the feelings of fail come in..How can you feel good about yourself when your the last one..It's like that feeling in elementary school when your last one picked for the kickball team..My question is if I think this about myself is that what others think when they look at me? that nobody wants me?
Lets forget the common thinking and try to look differently at these things. Can you answer these questions honestly to yourself?
1) Why should everybody get married? Where is it written? Who says so? (Considering you live in 2015 and not 1015).
2) If you want, you can have kids without getting married, like millions of other people.
3) "I'm scared to death I will have no children and die alone".... Even people with children die alone. Its more about how you live than how you die.
4) "I have guys that like me, but it's never anyone I can see myself with..."
.[mod] snip [/mod I know some women who follow their desire and end up [with the worst kind of guys. Again and again. Check really well why "you cant see yourself" with any approachable guys. They are there, just pick them up.
Good Luck!
Last edited by Keeper; 03-11-2015 at 05:56 AM..
Reason: gender bashing
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