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You're not easy. Your behavior just comes across as such to guys like the one you went out with.
I'm a woman. I like making out, but you have to be careful. You could've been date raped or something worse.
Nobody is going to look out for you...except you.
If this guy got the wrong idea about you, you need to make sure you're not sending the wrong messages.
Finally someone is thinking with some sense. I had to rep you. It's Sunday and you most certainly preached to the choir with your realistic and objective points.
Unfortunately us guys can't say that, we'd be "over-extending the patriarchy by molding women's behaviors".
It wasn't the first date with the last guy, it was the third.
I was the one who said it was the first date. I went back and re-read that thread and it was your 2nd date, so I got it wrong. Regardless, my point is not to sl ut-shame you. But you seem to be constantly changing your statements, from one thread to the next, about what you want and expect from guys. You were willing to have sex with the last guy the second time you hung out, but you condemn this one if he was seeking sex on the first date. This is also in direct opposition to your thread about casual sex, in which you stated in no uncertain terms that it's not for you.
I think you should be honest with yourself about what it is you want, and then own it. If what you want is to make out with any guy you want, or sleep with any guy you want, that's OK. Just own it, and understand that it could potentially be an obstacle to getting what you ultimately want, if that is a relationship.
I stand by my earlier statement that it simply isn't safe or smart to go to the home of someone you just met. It doesn't matter if he seems like a good guy. A lot of us giving you advice have been 21-year-old girls at one time. So while we understand that you're figuring out what you enjoy and what you want, we also would like to help you avoid making obvious mistakes. Some of our advice may even based on our own mistakes.
And on that note, I don't think you should text him again.
I was the one who said it was the first date. I went back and re-read that thread and it was your 2nd date, so I got it wrong. Regardless, my point is not to sl ut-shame you. But you seem to be constantly changing your statements, from one thread to the next, about what you want and expect from guys. You were willing to have sex with the last guy the second time you hung out, but you condemn this one if he was seeking sex on the first date. This is also in direct opposition to your thread about casual sex, in which you stated in no uncertain terms that it's not for you.
I think you should be honest with yourself about what it is you want, and then own it. If what you want is to make out with any guy you want, or sleep with any guy you want, that's OK. Just own it, and understand that it could potentially be an obstacle to getting what you ultimately want, if that is a relationship.
I stand by my earlier statement that it simply isn't safe or smart to go to the home of someone you just met. It doesn't matter if he seems like a good guy. A lot of us giving you advice have been 21-year-old girls at one time. So while we understand that you're figuring out what you enjoy and what you want, we also would like to help you avoid making obvious mistakes. Some of our advice may even based on our own mistakes.
And on that note, I don't think you should text him again.
Okay. Can I ask why you don't think I should him this message:
"Hey I'm back in RI. Err I kind of get the sense you're not interested haha which is fine, but for what's it worth I think you're a cool dude and I wanted to get to know you more. I'm home in 3 weeks for summer and you have my # so if you wanna chill again let me know. If not good luck with school!"
Is it too needy sounding? I was going to send it tomorrow night. I just feel like I have to say something I feel awkward.
You grow out of it. At some point, the idea of pining over somebody who shows nothing but disinterest gets old, and you stop being drawn to people as soon as you detect dismissiveness.
"Adi, you will find a good medium, don't worry. Just spend time developing yourself into a resourceful citizen. Work hard in something you have a passion for."
Okay. Can I ask why you don't think I should him this message:
"Hey I'm back in RI. Err I kind of get the sense you're not interested haha which is fine, but for what's it worth I think you're a cool dude and I wanted to get to know you more. I'm home in 3 weeks for summer and you have my # so if you wanna chill again let me know. If not good luck with school!"
Is it too needy sounding? I was going to send it tomorrow night. I just feel like I have to say something I feel awkward.
OP, you are coming off as too...needy and willing.
Men sense this a mile away.
Capschick just posted some excellent advice, yet you quote her entire post, and then completely ignore it to post above said statement.
If you don't learn a thing from any of the advice that numerous posters that are posting in here, learn this: if a man wants you, he will find you. He will pursue you. He will let you know that he wants you.
Use this time in your life to focus on personal growth and development...Go on dates, have fun, but most of all be safe and learn to value your emotions, body, time, and mental energy. Stop obsessing over what you have no control over. If this guy wants you (which I do not think he does, based on what you've written), he'll find you. IF not, let him go and move on.
OP, you are coming off as too...needy and willing.
Capschick just posted some excellent advice, yet you quote her entire post, and then completely ignore it to post above said statement.
If you don't learn a thing from any of the advice that numerous posters that are posting in here, learn this: if a man wants you, he will find you. He will pursue you. He will let you know that he wants you.
Exactly.
OP, you're missing the entire point of what we're saying. You're taking guys way too seriously, and placing way to much expectations on these encounters. The truth is...at this age....expecting to get anything meaningful is really just a headache when your focus should be developing yourself as a person.
The guys will still be here when you grow up and mature. You can still have your fun but also be responsible and accountable for your own actions and what path your life takes. It's not the end all be all of your life if a guy doesn't return your feelings. Don't sweat it so much.
I realize you are still very inexperienced and this is all new to you but please don't allow your emotions to get so involved and save yourself the heartache. You're young and have so much ahead of you. Don't let a guy define your life or who you are.
Thanks everyone, I'm not going to send him the message. And no, I wasn't ignoring everyone's advice. You guys all basically said the same thing. I think it was my fault for getting too comfortable on the first date/expecting too much but also, he's not the best either for inviting me to his apartment in the first place.
I'm going to let this fade out, which I would have never have done last summer. If he isn't showing interest, I should lose interest too.
Okay. Can I ask why you don't think I should him this message:
"Hey I'm back in RI. Err I kind of get the sense you're not interested haha which is fine, but for what's it worth I think you're a cool dude and I wanted to get to know you more. I'm home in 3 weeks for summer and you have my # so if you wanna chill again let me know. If not good luck with school!"
Is it too needy sounding? I was going to send it tomorrow night. I just feel like I have to say something I feel awkward.
He knows you are interested and he knows how to get in touch, so sending the text is unnecessary. I'm glad you decided not to send it.
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I feel awkward.
.
