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sorry i wasn't sure if i was allowed to say the name on these forums... one was klonopin and the other was an ADHD med i believe.
These are prescription meds.
I think your "snooping" was fully justified, particularly since it was done out of concern for his welfare since he wasn't being honest when asked point-blank. Your live-in partner is using drugs not prescribed to him, and lying to you about it repeatedly. You've noticed his altered state a few times a week - that certainly points to an abuse problem or addiction. You should discuss this with him immediately but do not be prepared to believe everything he says. Ask how you can address the problem together.
Can't believe i'm posting this here but i need advice. I've been with my boyfriend 5 years, we recently just moved in together in February 2015. There have been times throughout the 5 years where i thought maybe he was taking some kind of "downer" pills just due to the fact that he didn't seem himself and seemed very "dopy" (slurred speach, drowsy, just not all there)... i asked him about it and he always denied it and just said he was tired. this was rare too, maybe it happened 4-5 times throughout the 5 years. Now fast forward to current day, living together for 3 months now, and i've noticed this has been happening much more frequently (few times a week he seems in this "altered" state). i confronted him and asked him "is everything ok, you seem kind of out of it" and asked if he was taking anything. he denied it. i had such a gut feeling about this and didn't know what to do that i snooped around his stuff in our apartment and i found pills in his bag (not sure if i'm allowed to post on here what kind of pills they were?). so now i don't know what to do. i know that it is a huge breach of privacy and trust that i went snooping but at the same time i feel completely justified as i knew deep down in my heart/gut that something was wrong and he was taking something. i obviously have to talk to him about this but i'm not sure how mad/upset he is going to be that i went through his stuff. and the second questions is - how do i know if i'm supposed to continue on in this relationship? and how can i trust him if he says he won't take them anymore yet he lied to me when he has denied taking them in the past? is this fixable? i'm feeling as if its a dealbreaker, but to end a 5 year relationship over this without working on it doesn't seem right either. we have invested a lot of time into this relationship. i'm hoping there is someone here who can relate.
The problem may solve itself, if you confront him and he blows up because you snooped. That could be your cue to walk out, if you need an excuse. But if it's gotten worse since you moved in, not better (these things very rarely get better), imagine what it'll be like if you two get more serious.
What you're doing here is wrestling with a very big red flag you've uncovered. Are you both on the lease for your shared place? I'd be looking for a way out, if I were you.
I think your "snooping" was fully justified, particularly since it was done out of concern for his welfare since he wasn't being honest when asked point-blank. Your live-in partner is using drugs not prescribed to him, and lying to you about it repeatedly. You've noticed his altered state a few times a week - that certainly points to an abuse problem or addiction. You should discuss this with him immediately but do not be prepared to believe everything he says. Ask how you can address the problem together.
thank you for the response. i thought the question was if they were prescription meds specifically prescribed for him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
The problem may solve itself, if you confront him and he blows up because you snooped. That could be your cue to walk out, if you need an excuse. But if it's gotten worse since you moved in, not better (these things very rarely get better), imagine what it'll be like if you two get more serious.
What you're doing here is wrestling with a very big red flag you've uncovered. Are you both on the lease for your shared place? I'd be looking for a way out, if I were you.
yes unfortunately we are in an apartment in a house, our lease doesn't end until February 2016. i've already thought about this no idea what i would do. i have enough money that if i had to pay the remaining rent alone and be there alone i definitely could, so that is an option.
yes, this is tough... i always think about the "in sickness and in health" thing.. if this is a sickness aren't i supposed to be there for him? at what point do you walk away? i wouldn't want him to leave me when i am at my lowest/weakest point.
yes, this is tough... i always think about the "in sickness and in health" thing.. if this is a sickness aren't i supposed to be there for him? at what point do you walk away? i wouldn't want him to leave me when i am at my lowest/weakest point.
You aren't married.
He's been lying about a very serious thing. For a long time.
yes, this is tough... i always think about the "in sickness and in health" thing.. if this is a sickness aren't i supposed to be there for him? at what point do you walk away? i wouldn't want him to leave me when i am at my lowest/weakest point.
You're not married. This is exactly what the "courtship period" is for: to uncover any red flags that would preclude marriage. You're under no obligation to try to fix his problem. In fact, you walking out just may be the jolt he needs to face his problem and deal with it.
i know we aren't married but to me a piece of paper does not make a difference.
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no idea what i would do. i have enough money that if i had to pay the remaining rent alone and be there alone i definitely could, so that is an option.
