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Thanks for understanding the point of this thread.
Everyone has different views on spending and saving habits. Everyone has different lifestyle choices. It's great if we all meet someone who is on the same financial wavelength. But it's rare and the income differences along with different views on money values can ruin a relationship before you get to the marriage stage.
If that is your goal. I have no desire/plans to be married again, so for me, there is no intention of heading into "what's mine is yours" and so on and so forth. What's mine, is mine.
When people say that money is the biggest cause of divorce, it's because people can't agree on how to manage it or something horrible happens like a catastrophic illness or natural disaster and they lose everything and take it out on each other. It has nothing to do with being rich or being poor, or how much money the couple makes. Plenty of broke, but happy, couples.
It wasn't monetary amounts that ended my marriage.
It was things like dentists. My dentist lived 2 miles from my house had a small office, a Dodge van and a family. He charged $85 for a cleaning. My wifes dentist was 40 miles away drove a Porshe Cayenne and had an ultra modern, ultra hip and progressive office complete with all manner of "advanced procedures" to ensure your teeth go with you into the afterlife. A cleaning, polishing, whitening and ionic armor cladding was $310.
She once tried pressuring me into trading in my perfectly reliable, well maintained, sound 1992 Toyota truck on a brand new 2009 Toyota truck. $40,000. "All the neighbors think your truck is junk". "Money is for life" she said.
Neighbors can kiss my butt first off and money is for ENJOYING LIFE, not giving it away to impress the neighbors, some of whom you've given rides to work when their newer vehicles leave them stuck. I 'd take a trip to Australia for a month and China too for what that new truck cost.
My wifes foolish spending habits interfered with our planning, our readiness for the right hooks of life our preparations for the future.
It all came down to the fact that after the girls flew the coop she became a child again. I lost my faith in her.
My husband and I have different money management styles. I like saving money, he likes spending it.
I do a lot of shopping but a bunch of small things and I look for sales, he makes big purchases and didn't care if was on sale or not.
We meet in the middle. We agreed on a set amount that needs to be in the bank for emergencies, I agreed to quit being so neurotic.
He now buys things places like Amazon or waits for sales.
I think when "money" causes divorces it's more of a conflict resolution problem. Both parties have to be willing to find the middle ground to keep both partners happy.
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No, not necessarily. Brilliant people can end up sidelined in niche professions that aren't in demand. Symphony musicians don't make much money, but may be very gifted not only musically, but in other ways as well. But their skills may not be in demand in today's market. Smart people can also have character flaws or unresolved psychological issues that get in the way of their attempts at success.
Or they may just not give a rat's arse about material things, like me. I will never be rich, and I am okay with that. I will be working until the day I drop dead, and I'm okay with that, too. Writers never really retire, anyway. They just change genres.
In fact, if someone is hung up on money, I consider that person to be an idiot because true happiness comes from being content with who you are and what you have. I have NEVER known someone who nattered on about money who had an air of joy or appreciation of the beauty of life about them. The rich ones were consumed with image and acquiring things, the "frugal" ones bored me to tears because they were really just cheap and never wanted to go anywhere or experience what life has to offer.
Neighbors can kiss my butt first off and money is for ENJOYING LIFE, not giving it away to impress the neighbors, some of whom you've given rides to work when their newer vehicles leave them stuck. I 'd take a trip to Australia for a month and China too for what that new truck cost.
You're like me: experiences over things.
I've read in several places that people who spend on experiences are happier than people who spend on things. Here is a good summary of it.
Your expwife is a good example of this, actually. She had no life of her own once the kids were out, so she had to worry about what other people have. You, on the other hand, probably have too much going even to notice what your neighbors drive.
My ex-SO started as a consumer, went to conspicuous consumption, and then into hoarding. Nothing will ever convince me that people who acquire, acquire, acquire are anything but empty inside.
The smartest guy I knew growing up (pure genius level - raw, unmitigated mental power - good at math/science AND literature/philosophy, crazy good memory, very creative with solutions, incredible sense of humor, and just a really nice guy, too) went into Comp Sci, is a professor at a university (winning numerous teaching awards), and doesn't give two whits about money. As long as he can feed his wife (who is also very smart and has a great job) and kid and ride his bikes and hike through nature, he's great.
That guy had the charisma and work ethic to make it HUGE money-wise if he wanted to. But that was never important to him.
We went to a very wealthy high school where kids drove BMWs and convertibles (like the student lot was WAY nicer than the teacher lot), and he'd ride his bike to school (his dad even gave him a car, but he only used it in really bad weather) in some old khaki shorts...his t shirt was as likely to have a hole or stain as not. But usually something funny/irreverent on it.
She became more of a jet setter. She'd always wanted to fit in with her "friends", every aspect of her life had to be a certain way in comparison to others. BBQ's weren't good enough, it had to be the latest trendy thing like Sushi or the latest I-phone.
She never had an interest in furthering her education and in the last decade has not done anything to better herself in that realm. I've spent thousands. She put $12000 down on an Acura Legend or something and 9 months later has the IRS howling at our door for $8000. She never paid the taxes on her small business for 2 years or didn't pay enough. I don't know the specifics (I always let her handle that and only helped out when needed) but I didn't need to know that something was seriously wrong.
I tried to get her interested in other things. She just wasn't interested in anything beyond the quick fix in her small world it seems.
It wasn't lack of money that caused the stress that tore us apart. We had been through hard times more than once. It ended up being our inability to reconcile our differences and I don't do stupid.
I think it can matter more than some here think. Let's say two people's incomes are very different, and one person is used to taking vacations and spending whatever they want, and the other can't afford staying in hotels and such, or traveling...or whatever it is that the other person normally would do. That can definitely be a problem. The person that has the higher income either has to forgo their normal activities/vacations/travels, or they have to fork out enough to cover both. That can be a problem.
It can be even more problematic if she is the one with the higher income. Most guys wouldn't be comfortable with her "paying their way". For me it's not a problem with forking out the money for both ( I was lucky enough to receive a windfall a few years ago) the problem is with getting them to accept my "paying for both".
There's a guy who I was ( still am) head over heels with and if he asked me I'd marry him in a heartbeat, but he just can't get passed the money thing.
There are some posters here who say a person's income doesn't matter or shouldn't matter in dating. Yet almost all articles written about divorce cite financial difficulties/differences as a cause for divorce.
Shouldn't it be mean that income will be a factor when dating? Unless you end up dating a frugal introverted person having a relationship involves money. It makes sense that income would matter.
IRL most people want to go out and do things. Most things require money. How can income not matter? Of course making a lot of money means nothing if you are cheapskate and don't want to spend it either.
For me personally, I don't care what the person does as long as what they do is legit and they on some level enjoy what they do, more preferably, passionate. What's most important is their relationship with their money.
Someone who is on the same page with me in terms of how and what they spend their money on is important.
I don't want to date a tight wad, but I also don't want to date someone who abuses their money or is so laxed about it. Smart spender, thrift shoppah! And money in regards to healthy food and a healthy conscious lifestyle? That is what I'm talkin' about.
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I have no desire/plans to be married again, so for me, there is no intention of heading into "what's mine is yours" and so on and so forth. What's mine, is mine. 
