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I posted on here about a month or so ago -- my last thread was really long so I'll try to keep this one on the short side. In essence, I dumped a girl that I'd been in 2 year, on-and-off relationship with. In the last "try" of the relationship, she told me she wanted an open relationship, and we agreed to give it a shot. I ended up meeting another girl through friends, and we hit it off. My ex then told me we should be just friends, but then did a 180 and ended up giving me an ultimatum: her or the new girl. Because I was confused about what my ex wanted and was interested in seeing where things could go with the new girl, I ended up dumping my ex. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. She cried and screamed on the phone when I broke up with her and told me she never wanted to speak to me again. It was terrible.
Fast forward to now - I have since broken up with the new girl for two reasons: she was a bit too clingy, and I could not stop thinking about my ex (think of the Chris Brown song "She Ain't You" - I felt this constantly). But even with the new girl out of the picture, I find that I am still thinking about my ex all of the time. I'm thinking about the "what ifs" and get reminded of her constantly. Songs, foods, obscure references...they all bring an image of her to my mind. I think about how she's changed from when I first broke up with her, how she's more career-oriented, driven, motivated, and how things would be different if we started things slowly and went exclusive (no more open relationships). See, at first I thought maybe the feelings were just nostalgia, but now, I am realizing that we both shared a deep love and understanding for each other. It pains me that these realizations are only becoming so clear now...hindsight is 20/20 I guess. I miss spending time with her, seeing her face, having adventures together. I wish I could tell her these things, but I am afraid that ship has long since sailed. She and I shared such an indescribable bond - we were lovers, best friends, confidants. I never thought I would feel more pain from dumping someone than any of the times I've been dumped. Every morning and every night, I think about her. I want the best for her but selfishly want to be a part of her life still. I just wish I knew what to do and how to do it. :-(
Leave her alone. You are seriously romanticizing the way things were. Y'all had your chance, and you couldn't pull it off then. Find something else to occupy your mind till you get over it.
It's easy to recall all the good things after you break up with someone and let the bad stuff fade into the background. There was just so much freaking drama with this woman and she was constantly jerking you around. (My guess is the new woman seemed "clingy" because she was more straightforward and honest with you).
Thanks for the advice. The thing is, I understand that I'm not thinking rationally. I just didn't expect the decision to move on to hit me like a bag of bricks. I figured by now, I'd be over it. Maybe it's loneliness, maybe it's rose-colored lenses, but it just feels like more than that for some reason. I know contacting her would be pointless, but it bothers me that I can't get her off of my mind, even when I try staying occupied with other things. It's at the point where I fantasize things like meeting her for coffee and catching up. I know it's not healthy...I'm currently meeting with a counselor every few weeks to try to resolve these feelings.
I think the only "what if" you need to think about is how you would have felt with her seeing a bunch of guys while you were still together.
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.I'm currently meeting with a counselor every few weeks to try to resolve these feelings.
Probabky should make that every week, at least for a little while.
This feeling is why so many people are so bad at finally breaking things off and overlapping relationships. It's hard to flat out leave and let yourself venture out there in the loneliness and unknown. But you have to keep telling yourself that it's for the best.
Don't go back for the temporary high that thinking about her brings. There's a reason you two didn't work.
You arw only remembering the good, try to remember all the bad and maybe that's why it didn't work.
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