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Eh if you stop looking you can still attract jerks.
meh, you will always attract jerks. my point is that if he stops looking he can relax around women, and start treating them as friends instead of possible lovers, and when he can do that, it will make it easier to find someone who is willing to be with him long term.
Lol, you don't get to tell me what I find disparaging.
Anyway, yes, perpetually participating in shallow sexual relationships with young women does actually tell me that you aren't think about them like people, or even your future partner as a person. You are only interested in what they can give you, because you're lonely. You are only thinking about you, which is not a sign of readiness or maturity for a real relationship.
If you can't be celibate and alone, then that's your own problem and something you should probably work on. Other people somehow seem to manage.
You make some very good points. And yes, even though the reality is that I very much appreciate and respect women, I can see how my sexually promiscuous lifestyle devalues them...and myself. But I'm tired of being alone. So I fall into this mindset that tells me, "if I can't have someone long term, at least I can have someone for one night." I'm realizing that these flings only serve to emphasize the fact that I'm alone, they don't help alleviate it in the slightest.
I don't know, maybe you just can't relate to me. Maybe being alone is easy for you, but it's the hardest thing for me to deal with. I come from a big family. All my brothers and sisters are married, have children. I've always wanted that, but it's just never happened. Maybe it's the result of my own shortcomings, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. So I cope with it in my own way.
meh, you will always attract jerks. my point is that if he stops looking he can relax around women, and start treating them as friends instead of possible lovers, and when he can do that, it will make it easier to find someone who is willing to be with him long term.
I don't have issues with relaxing around women, never have.
First time poster. If this isn't an appropriate topic please delete.
Divorced 12 years ago, engaged 5 years ago, countless girlfriends in between. I can't find the one for me. I can't find a woman who I truly connect to. Now I'm lonely and I'm wondering if I'm going to end up spending the rest of my life alone. My family just encourages me to pick one and make a go of it, but I can't. I haven't met the girl that makes me want to invest my life in her.
Any advice?
Go to the Philippines man. Can find a nice humble simple down to earth girl there that would love to marry a foreigner. lol
No need to live your life alone unless you want to.
You've had "countless" girlfriends in their 20s over the past 12 years, and your mom is your best friend. And you wonder why you can't find a meaningful relationship.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,033,395 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny_Greenlee
Well, my ex-fiance broke up with me when she realized she didn't want to live so far apart from her family anymore. Same thing with my ex-wife. I live in a resort area, so most of the women I meet have moved here from some other part of the country. They come to live for a few years and enjoy the scenery and lifestyle then move back to where they're from, a more practical location.
The women I date are all in their 20s. I have never dated anyone over 30. I know what you are all going to say; stick to women my own age. Thing is, I'm not attracted to women my age. And I refuse to believe that there are no relatively mature 20 somethings out there. I haven't found any yet except during my travels overseas, but I remain cautiously optimistic.
Because I so desire just to have a decent conversation with a woman I've decided to start dating women who are in their 30s, early 30s. So I've widened the pool a little bit. Still though, I'm lonely, even when I'm dating. I find myself opting to spend my evenings alone rather than with someone I have nothing in common with except for a libido.
Ok so I have a question. Is the "age limit" (calling it that for lack of better term) purposely imposed, or is it just something that happens?
I can understand how you would only meet single women in their 20s and 30s. I'm your age and have never dated a man in his 40s either. If one came along who piqued my interest, I likely wouldn't turn him down. I just haven't met that many single men in their 40s. By that age, depending on where you live, a lot of people have already paired up. I can't think of a single man my age who either isn't married or just isn't desirable. The pool gets smaller.
Now if you are purposefully excluding women once you find out their age, that's a different story.
OP when you look for a girlfriend, they tend to shy away either because they are not ready, or you seem desperate. when you stop looking, women can relax around you and you can develop a relationship that might blossom into something longer term. in the mean time enjoy the ladies in your life now, take what they are willing to give.
Honestly? This advice is better for those under 30. The notion that at 40something, a person who just stops looking will bump into their soul mate is a bit of a stretch. We go to work, live our lives, tend out children, yet rarely even meet any new eligible people in that rut. You really have to put yourself out there, positively and proactively, by targeting the right market and finding ways to jump into that market.
OP, aren't you being a wee bit of a hypocrite when you expect a woman to accept your terms on where to live when you state that the woman you were engaged to you left for similar reasons? You want her to live where you live and leave her home and family while you are unwilling to do so yourself.
Actually hypocrisy seems to be your theme. You want a girl in her 20's while your in your 40's. You want her to give up everything to be where you are but you're unwilling to do so yourself. Do you see a pattern here?
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