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If you dont want to get married and have kids and he does, why would you be upset if someone else enters the picture who can give him that? In my opinion, he is giving you the run around. The guy doe not deserve to be on the pedestal that you have put him on.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,940,305 times
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The ultimatum was clear. You want monogamy and don't want him looking around. You were trying to force commitment. That's obvious. If you're not ok with being a sub then move on.
The ultimatum was clear. You want monogamy and don't want him looking around. You were trying to force commitment. That's obvious. If you're not ok with being a sub then move on.
Yep. She wants more and he doesn't or at least not on her terms. Time for her to reassess, since I doubt she wants this guy to get away.
Girl...... he's got what people call the "bunker buster". Sex so good you can't even tell that you're being controlled. He's controlling you and you don't even know it. That's sad
Yup. Sonic, I really hope you start to see that, in terms of men, you've gone from the pot straight to the frying pan. You're investing way too much emotionally in this man, especially considering the short amount of time you've been hooking up.
Last edited by Ginge McFantaPants; 07-21-2015 at 02:45 PM..
The ultimatum was clear. You want monogamy and don't want him looking around. You were trying to force commitment. That's obvious. If you're not ok with being a sub then move on.
I don't think the OP wants monogamy exactly. Though she'd be totally cool with it.
She states she's ok with poly. But with that, there's mutual respect going on. She wouldn't mind him with other women, long as she was on equal footing. meaning that sure he's dating this other woman, but it's fine long as he is dating her as well and respects her on the same level as a romantic partner, like he does the other woman.
Rather than it being a case of he's dating another woman, and the other woman is love with his emotional investment and respect, while she's just a side-piece for when he's bored, his real girl isn't available, or is looking for a quick snack break, whereupon she's basically a sex toy and snack break, not a real partner.
Least that's how I am reading it. Sorry if I got it wrong Sonic. If I am way off, I apologize for the misunderstanding.
Last edited by HappyRain; 07-21-2015 at 03:17 PM..
OP, sound like you got the overwhelming majority of what you want, and you're just complaining you can't control the last 20% of it. Must you *possess* the thing you love, to know that it's yours?
Enjoy your summer fling, and I think at this stage you don't get to make future plans and directives until you can say "ahh yeah, we being seeing each other for like six months now. We're both very happy."
Why would you waste so much time and energy on a man who has shown you very clearly he only wants you for sex and nothing more?
There is no one on this planet worth all of the nonsense you are putting yourself through and as far as the sex goes, eh, people can teach others sexual postiions they enjoy and then there are those who read books and get it all figured out.
There is no way I would have even wasted the amount of time you have so far on this guy, not worth it at all in my life.
In your life maybe it is though, your choice to continue to be second, third or fourth or whatever number you are in line for his attention and that doesn't even include any emotional attachment.
I think the OP wants monogamy exactly. Though she'd be totally cool with it.
She states she's ok with poly. But with that, there's mutual respect going on. She wouldn't mind him with other women, long as she was on equal footing. meaning that sure he's dating this other woman, but it's fine long as he is dating her as well and respects her on the same level as a romantic partner, like he does the other woman.
Rather than it being a case of he's dating another woman, and the other woman is love with his emotional investment and respect, while she's just a side-piece for when he's bored, his real girl isn't available, or is looking for a quick snack break, whereupon she's basically a sex toy and snack break, not a real partner.
Least that's how I am reading it. Sorry if I got it wrong Sonic. If I am way off, I apologize for the misunderstanding.
It is this, yes, I would be quite fine with this.
And more accurately even, just knowing if he's got some kind of a game going instead of wondering. Not having my hopes brought up time and again that I'm going to see him...today, or tomorrow, or soon, because he said he wanted to...and then getting "I'm really busy with projects" while I see he's on OKC, which frankly I just need to stop looking at what he's doing there. I don't need that, and it's his business. I don't want to feel like I'm being played for a fool here. I want a little bit of respect for my time, not to be expected to sit around on call for him, and his life and feelings matter and mine do not. He can get a crystal clear picture of the entirety of my life and will barely crack the door to give me the smallest glimpse of his.
Oh, and timberline, normally I am all about your posts, but not so much today. If your notion of D/s relationships involves utter disregard for the feelings, needs, and so on of the sub, that's not really the model I appreciate. I may be a physical masochist, but I'm not an emotional one. And I've seen plenty of D/s interactions that were nothing like this...though as we all know, there is no one right way... And he's not even into BDSM. Yet while I've explained a lot of it to him, I have to be careful because he takes my limits as personal challenges. I tell him not to do something, and he does it. I had a community reputable Dom do a scene with me and violate not a single thing (even though I came away with some gorgeous bruises) and this guy had me tapping out the second night. He is something else.
I require nothing in terms of commitment, monogamy, or even poly...I. just. want. to. know. where. I. stand. I want him to have the noots to just tell me. I don't like playing a game where I only know half the rules, and they are ALL his, and perpetually changing.
And more accurately even, just knowing if he's got some kind of a game going instead of wondering. Not having my hopes brought up time and again that I'm going to see him...today, or tomorrow, or soon, because he said he wanted to...and then getting "I'm really busy with projects" while I see he's on OKC, which frankly I just need to stop looking at what he's doing there. I don't need that, and it's his business. I don't want to feel like I'm being played for a fool here. I want a little bit of respect for my time, not to be expected to sit around on call for him, and his life and feelings matter and mine do not. He can get a crystal clear picture of the entirety of my life and will barely crack the door to give me the smallest glimpse of his.
Oh, and timberline, normally I am all about your posts, but not so much today. If your notion of D/s relationships involves utter disregard for the feelings, needs, and so on of the sub, that's not really the model I appreciate. I may be a physical masochist, but I'm not an emotional one. And I've seen plenty of D/s interactions that were nothing like this...though as we all know, there is no one right way... And he's not even into BDSM. Yet while I've explained a lot of it to him, I have to be careful because he takes my limits as personal challenges. I tell him not to do something, and he does it. I had a community reputable Dom do a scene with me and violate not a single thing (even though I came away with some gorgeous bruises) and this guy had me tapping out the second night. He is something else.
I require nothing in terms of commitment, monogamy, or even poly...I. just. want. to. know. where. I. stand. I want him to have the noots to just tell me. I don't like playing a game where I only know half the rules, and they are ALL his, and perpetually changing.
Have you ever thought that sometimes you don't get that answer, no matter how bad you may want it? Sometimes the answer is how you handle the situation on your own.
I'm with you, I wouldn't like someone calling all the shots. It's unfair to me personally, because it shows a lack of respect for me and a lack of respect I have for myself. This is where you have to come in and make your own decision, no matter what he may say or do. You have to take all his actions at face value and formulate your own conclusion. You're asking to put a rabbit in a hat and pull out a rat, when all you're going to get is the rabbit from this guy. I don't think he's hiding who he is, he's showing you who he is. When someone cares about someone in a respectful manner, you tend to not treat them this way. Your head is underwater while he's still dipping his pinky toe in the water to check the temperature. Only you can fix your amount of emotional investment, because I'm not seeing much interest from him to change his ways, if what you're saying is true.
It may even sound cool that he's seeing other women on the sly, but the feelings you have for him will make things hard, even if he does come clean. Just because he comes clean, doesn't mean your priority will change. What will hopefully change is your amount of emotional investment in him.
you say you dont want commitment, but that's exactly what you are missing that is causing your issues with him.
No one is "committed" to any way of being but the way he wants it.
You sound as if you already know the answers to your questions but keep going back wishing they would change for your benefit
what do you honestly feel would happen if you cut sex out of this arrangement entirely?
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