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I usually keep the first few dates brisk. Coffee, lunch, that sort of thing. I think two hours for a date is pretty reasonable for most people. If we're having a good time, it's fine to go over that, but I'm a pretty time-conscious individual. I work full-time, work out a few times a week, do stuff with the boy, hang out with my buddies, and try to go out and find other stuff to do. I make space and time for people I care about. If we're getting to know one another, I'll be respectful and courteous, but I'm not going to act as though I've got all the time in world to sit around windjamming. I wouldn't expect that type of commitment from someone who was just getting to know me, either.
I agree with TabulaRasa, though, in general. It's...a date. Some of them go well, some of them don't. Some of them are boring, some of them end up pretty good. Eventually all dates will end, and unless he's being totally disrespectful to you, it's not a huge deal if you're not having the time of your life. I don't think you should lead anyone on, but if you're not feeling it, just tell them you had a nice time at the end of the evening and don't go on another date with them.
I agree with TabulaRasa, though, in general. It's...a date. Some of them go well, some of them don't. Some of them are boring, some of them end up pretty good. Eventually all dates will end, and unless he's being totally disrespectful to you, it's not a huge deal if you're not having the time of your life.
Oh, yeah, I would have NO problem cutting a date short if some idiot was disrespectful or otherwise acting thoroughly inappropriately.
I assumed from the context of the OP that wasn't what was being talked about, though...more that it was just a "Well, I can see five minutes in that I'm not attracted to you, so how can I tactfully make an escape within the next 10-15 minutes?" and the answer is, you can't, really. You can suck it up and see the meetup through, or you can risk coming off like an ass. Some people don't care if they come off like an ass, and that's their call.
I wish it were always as easy as both people recognizing it wasn't going to work, laughing about it and dating in general, and calling up two circles of friends and going clubbing.
Yes, I guess in the OP it sounded like she wasn't picking up her own tab! I figure an asking the waitress/bartender for a check is a good indicator you're trying to go!
This actually didn't apply to my situation, we went over to the bar to get our drinks, he insisted on paying (I think my drink was $4), so the drink was paid for before we even sat down, and I didn't have a second. But I'll admit on my first dates the guy usually pays, not ashamed to admit it feel like that's pretty much the norm.
Oh, yeah, I would have NO problem cutting a date short if some idiot was disrespectful or otherwise acting thoroughly inappropriately.
I assumed from the context of the OP that wasn't what was being talked about, though...more that it was just a "Well, I can see five minutes in that I'm not attracted to you, so how can I tactfully make an escape within the next 10-15 minutes?" and the answer is, you can't, really. You can suck it up and see the meetup through, or you can risk coming off like an ass. Some people don't care if they come off like an ass, and that's their call.
Right, he was a nice guy, just not for me. I really didn't know what to think in the first five minutes, my first impression was that he was not bad looking, however once we sat down and started talking I quickly was able to tell that this wasn't going to anywhere, we had pretty much absolutely nothing in common, no shared interests, nothing. Add to that the fact that our conversation wasn't flowing easily, and he was talking a lot more than I was (got the impression that he just liked the sound of his own voice), and it was about things I knew nothing about nor had any interest in. This was just a case of two people being totally incompatible, not sure if he saw it as well, but it was pretty clear to me.
I guess I'll just have to hope that I don't encounter many dates where I'll be as bored as I was last night, but I do kind of agree with the people who say you gotta just bite the bullet and give the same respect to your date as you would to someone you are interested in.
I'd also like to add, I've been on plenty dates where there's no romantic chemistry, and still was able to enjoy the person's company and have a laugh, those dates I don't mind spending a couple of hours with the guy, but on dates where it's just mind numbing boring, it's hard to sit through.
Out of curiosity, how did you come into contact with this person, to begin with, that the complete lack of common ground/shared interests wasn't already at least hinted at?
Out of curiosity, how did you come into contact with this person, to begin with, that the complete lack of common ground/shared interests wasn't already at least hinted at?
A dating site, we messaged back and forth a bit, but I think you can't really see if you have a connection with someone unless you meet in person. I feel as though most dating profiles are kind of broad, it may seem like you have things in common, but when you meet in person you realize that when you get down to the details of it, you really don't have as much in common as you thought, and vice versa.
IDK I just feel like that comes across kind of rude. I personally would find it very rude if a man said that to me, even if I felt the same way about him.
You asked how to do it.
You just said, "Right, he was a nice guy, just not for me."
There's a difference between rude and direct. Direct is not always rude, but it gets the point across.
You can say other things before and after that comment ^^^, but when you say it, he won't keep hinting about "hanging out."
I only had one drink, he offered another but I said no thanks and his response was "oh ok so we can just hang out", it was like he just wasn't getting the hint.
It was me in the other thread and I just think we need practice like Timberline and others and just thanks have a nice night and walk off........he will get the hint in less than 10 seconds and you can move on
This approach would serve those that are rude/inconsiderate/say weird things that you realize are dealbreakers...............or as Lilac mentioned oh look at that have to getting going
You just said, "Right, he was a nice guy, just not for me."
There's a difference between rude and direct. Direct is not always rude, but it gets the point across.
You can say other things before and after that comment ^^^, but when you say it, he won't keep hinting about "hanging out."
Good post Direct is not always rude. You can be direct and tactful
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Direct is not always rude. You can be direct and tactful
