Husband doesn't find me THAT attractive (dating, boyfriend, girlfriends, marriage)
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I'm 28, been married to my husband for a couple of months. Everything is great, except of one thing- I've always felt like he doesn't find me THAT attractive. I know I know, now you'll say 'If he didn't find you attractive he wouldn't have married you'. This is true. I don't think that he finds me unattractive, I do think that he finds me pretty and somewhat attractive, but not like 'Wow this woman is one of the most beautiful ones I've ever met', which is really bothering me.
I am actually really attractive. I'm 5'7, 120 pounds, I work out four times a week, have a pretty face and I was a model for a couple of years (photo model mainly since I'm too short for runway, my pictures were in various well-known high fashion magazines). I always got a lot of attention from men, since I was a teenager. Men have always told me I'm beautiful, I never had problems finding men to date and my ex-boyfriend always kept telling me how beautiful I am. Yes, I admit I'm a bit spoiled. But no, I don't think I'm the most beautiful woman ever, of course I'm not. But I AM goodlooking, and even though I don't even need to be the hottest woman ever for my husband (I don't care if he sees models or actresses and thinks there are hotter, or even sees a hot girl on the subway), I need him to think that I'm one of the most attractive girls he has ever met. Maybe because to me, he's the most beautiful guy too. I know that there are hotter guys out there, male models or whatever, but to me, he's still one of the most attractive men I've ever met.
Now to the point why I feel like he doesn't find me very attractive- One point is that he rarely compliments me. Once in a while he tells me 'You look nice today', but that's it. I tell him all the time that he looks good today or that I love his face or his hair or whatever, he usually just says thanks, almost never giving anything back. I can be all dolled up and he doesn't say anything. Then, when I tell him I think I'm goodlooking, he usually never really agrees. Tonight he asked me who I think of my friends is better looking than me, and when I said 'I'm not sure, I think none' he said sarcastically 'Yea, right' and then acted like he was pissed about my answer. Another time he told me I don't really have a model body (I'm not superskinny like the runway models, but I'm still very fit and skinny). Another time I asked him if he thinks my butt and legs workout is showing yet (at that point I'd been doing a super tough workout for many months three times a week), and he said 'Not really, your butt is still pretty flat' even though there was definitely a visible result. My butt was and is much tighter now and has also grown a bit. I got more examples of that kind of behavior, but I don't want to go too much into detail. Our sex life is okay, when we have sex (around twice a week) it's really good actually, but often I have to initiate, and when I'm naked after leaving the shower or getting dressed, he NEVER looks at me. I could stand in front of him completly naked, and he doesn't even look. Even though our sex is good, he often needs ages to finish. Sometimes I'm thinking if maybe he needs so much time because he doesn't find me THAT attractive.
I don't know, I don't wanna sound vain, but to me, it's really important that my partner (my husband, for christ's sake) finds me super attractive and considers me one of the most attractive women he has ever met. I mean, I couldn't imagine dating a guy who wasn't at least one of the most attractive guys I've ever met. Of course personality counts a lot too, but the first impression are the looks, and looks are important later in a relationship too.
This sounds just like my ex you're talking about. Describes him to a T. He came out gay after 23 years of marriage. He also stopped french kissing me shortly after we married. The next time I'm with a man I'm going to need him to think I'm absolutely beautiful but not sure if that's possible now.
The only other explanation I can think of is that he thinks you're too arrogant and think about your looks too much and he's trying to bring you down a peg or two.
Oh, I forgot to mention that also once he told me that guys from my past have told me that I'm very beautiful only to get into my pants.
I don't think he's gay, he's had many girlfriends, some attractive, some not. And even though this thread might sound like it, I'm not vain and obsessed with my looks. I almost never wear heels and I only put make up when I go to a bar or a restaurant. I'm the natural type.
I was actually never really insecure, I was always proud and happy about how I look, but I feel like my husband has created some insecurities in me.
I'm 28, been married to my husband for a couple of months. Everything is great, except of one thing- I've always felt like he doesn't find me THAT attractive. I know I know, now you'll say 'If he didn't find you attractive he wouldn't have married you'. This is true. I don't think that he finds me unattractive, I do think that he finds me pretty and somewhat attractive, but not like 'Wow this woman is one of the most beautiful ones I've ever met', which is really bothering me.
I am actually really attractive. I'm 5'7, 120 pounds, I work out four times a week, have a pretty face and I was a model for a couple of years (photo model mainly since I'm too short for runway, my pictures were in various well-known high fashion magazines). I always got a lot of attention from men, since I was a teenager. Men have always told me I'm beautiful, I never had problems finding men to date and my ex-boyfriend always kept telling me how beautiful I am. Yes, I admit I'm a bit spoiled. But no, I don't think I'm the most beautiful woman ever, of course I'm not. But I AM goodlooking, and even though I don't even need to be the hottest woman ever for my husband (I don't care if he sees models or actresses and thinks there are hotter, or even sees a hot girl on the subway), I need him to think that I'm one of the most attractive girls he has ever met. Maybe because to me, he's the most beautiful guy too. I know that there are hotter guys out there, male models or whatever, but to me, he's still one of the most attractive men I've ever met.
Now to the point why I feel like he doesn't find me very attractive- One point is that he rarely compliments me. Once in a while he tells me 'You look nice today', but that's it. I tell him all the time that he looks good today or that I love his face or his hair or whatever, he usually just says thanks, almost never giving anything back. I can be all dolled up and he doesn't say anything. Then, when I tell him I think I'm goodlooking, he usually never really agrees. Tonight he asked me who I think of my friends is better looking than me, and when I said 'I'm not sure, I think none' he said sarcastically 'Yea, right' and then acted like he was pissed about my answer. Another time he told me I don't really have a model body (I'm not superskinny like the runway models, but I'm still very fit and skinny). Another time I asked him if he thinks my butt and legs workout is showing yet (at that point I'd been doing a super tough workout for many months three times a week), and he said 'Not really, your butt is still pretty flat' even though there was definitely a visible result. My butt was and is much tighter now and has also grown a bit. I got more examples of that kind of behavior, but I don't want to go too much into detail. Our sex life is okay, when we have sex (around twice a week) it's really good actually, but often I have to initiate, and when I'm naked after leaving the shower or getting dressed, he NEVER looks at me. I could stand in front of him completly naked, and he doesn't even look. Even though our sex is good, he often needs ages to finish. Sometimes I'm thinking if maybe he needs so much time because he doesn't find me THAT attractive.
I don't know, I don't wanna sound vain, but to me, it's really important that my partner (my husband, for christ's sake) finds me super attractive and considers me one of the most attractive women he has ever met. I mean, I couldn't imagine dating a guy who wasn't at least one of the most attractive guys I've ever met. Of course personality counts a lot too, but the first impression are the looks, and looks are important later in a relationship too.
Seriously, why would you be so concerned with the opinion of an A hole? It would be one thing if he was a top shelf male in all categories, but his treatment sounds like it has motive. Unless you are embellishing his interactions with you, a person can only have motive if their actions result in what you say. Some guys use passive aggressive techniques to pin a woman down. Keep her at check with subtle manipulation.....probably should address this now instead of later. Try not to deny yourself relief from this. Obviously it effects you greatly, so don't ignore your right to happiness. Don't be fooled that it's not abusive just because there are no black eyes.
Tell him your love language is praise. Tell him you want him to express how gaga he is over your attractiveness. If you don't tell him he'll never know what you want. Men aren't mind readers. Don't start put your marriage holding back a concern, it never resolves itself.
What was your courtship like? Was he generous with compliments when you were first dating and falling in love or has he always been stingy with complimenting you?
I'm glad that I have a spouse that builds me up and makes me feel beautiful. It would suck to be married to someone who felt the need to tear me down. I don't believe that I could feel love towards such a person.
I suspect that it is strategic on his part, probably because he knows that you could have done a lot better than him.
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