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Someone his equal would be threatening to him. He will always be looking for someone just a bit below him and can still be controlled to some degree. Thats what his personality projects anyway.
Hey guys now, before I sound like a total prick, I am going to be honest and say yes, it does bother me that she only makes 11 an hour. I am a systems and Infrastructure engineer, so I do make good money, but I am not telling her to make what I make.
The story goes like this:
She has a BA degree as a teacher and only making 11 an hour, so I try to talk to her by saying hey, maybe you can help out a little more with the bills and possibly find something that pays 28 - 38k a year. Also, that way, you can have money for your car, repairs, clothes, etc. I try to show her jobs on indeed but she mostly shys away from it or says thats only for smart people (yes she has a very bad bad bad case of anxiety of constantly thinking what people think of her)
Problem is, she keeps looking at these receptionist jobs that pay 11 - 12. So I gave her some advice that she should try claims rep, customer serv, sales manager, etc. (which usually makes 28k - 36k) She starts getting emotional saying "blah blah maybe you should find someone else who makes that amount" and sometimes she ends up crying about it. And she does not want to apply to those jobs and deal with customers. But lets face it, most jobs that end up having a decent salary deals with customers now and days. I try to convince her by saying "look just apply to it, you have nothing to lose" and who knows, you might even like the job"
So I usually try to talk to her telling her "just try it, try applying to it, they might not even call, but you can at leats say you tried. You have nothing to lose and dont be scared". "You have to think positive and not think negative like you cant do it." She is pretty much scared of the job, scared of failing and scared that these jobs are for only "smart people" or saying
When she gives me these replies I get so frustrated that I do raise my voice a bit but try to motivate her. But she always replies with the same response saying she cant do that job, she is not capable and its going to be a stressful job.
as for me - I am trying to save for a house but I pay for everything except the rent. That includes vacations, repair bills, her clothes, her food, her insurance etc.
So am I being an A**hole saying and/or recommending other jobs to her, and mentioning it would help me a bit on bills? Her response is usually "what if I am happy here"
I mean I really do not know what to do, she gets emotional, and ends up crying.
So I just need some opinions about what you guys think? Should I just back off and let her do whatever, or try to encourage her somehow (which i try to do it in the nicest way possible) Is it me that have no say in our relationship on the money she makes and the bills she should help out with?
Too late for that and the rest of the words written by you present you worse than that.
Break up with this girl now so she can find someone who does not love money more than her, she deserves better than you give her.
You need to find someone who has the same love of money and material possessions that you have.
Money is just one aspect of the relationship although of course an important one. But, how is she as a girlfriend/fiance outside of the money issues? Is she attractive, pleasant, fun to be with, good in bed, etc. Would she be happy perhaps being a SAHM/house wife in the future, taking care of kids and you. Some men would love to date/marry someone who would stay/work at home but of course not everyone.
You say that "She has a BA degree as a teacher". So why isn't she a teacher or working in education? Even a first year teacher is paid way more that $11 an hour and gets excellenet benefits. If she is shy and interverted, she might do well as a librarian if she is into books. In any case, I think non for profit world is probably a much better bet for someone who is shy and lacking confidence.
No, you are definitely not being a douche. This kind of financial stress kills many marriages. Just wait until you have kids and there is even more financial pressure.
im not sure if i want to get married anymore to be honest. If there was ever a divorce (because every single marriages last forever without a single does of divorce, right?) exactly how much would I lose? The house is under my name, she does not have retirement, she also has no help from the government.
I think you are not compatible in your financial goals and you are smart to second guess your desire to marry her. It is not so much the amount she is making now but that she has no desire to do better. There is nothing wrong with being content in a job you like but that just is not compatible with your future goals.
If you guys get married you will get divorced and she will get the house you haven't bought yet (the one in your name) and you will have to pay for kids even though you will never see them. IF they are even your kids, they probably won't be.
If you guys get married you will get divorced and she will get the house you haven't bought yet (the one in your name) and you will have to pay for kids even though you will never see them. IF they are even your kids, they probably won't be.
I don't think they will get married because it will mostly end up in divorce, but that said your facts are a bit dramatic. If the house is in his name before the marriage, she won't get it. She won't even get half of it because it was a pre-marital asset. In some states, however, she might be entitled to half of any equity the home has built up (but equity is a hard thing to prove). so that is something to be aware of.
Also, most states the parents split child care costs along income lines and joint custody is the norm unless one parent is grossly incompetent or voluntarily gives up joint custody. Chances are, he will end up paying more to support his children since that is divided along income lines (if the state says it costs $1000 a month to raise a child and he earns 75% of the household income and she 25%, she pitches in $250 and he pitches in $750, so he will be paying more. If wants her to pay all the bills for the kids, he pays her $750. If she wants him to pay the bills, she pays him $250. If they split everything 50/50, he would end up paying her $250 so that she has 50% of the child's money and he has 50% of the child's money.)
I think OPs problem is supporting a family.....essentially by himself.
No, it's picking someone who isn't what he wants and trying to "fix" her.
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