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I'm glad other people decided to offer their opinions because I know I'm not crazy. Maybe I don't have much experience with girls, so I could have been looking too deep into things. But generally, I wouldn't text anyone 80 times in one night. Or multiple times throughout the week for 1-2 months. In addition to flirting with them during the day. I would be scared of leading the girl on and making her think I wanted her.
It's kind of weird now. When I started to ignore her, she got really mad. Now that I'm being polite but, distant, she tries to talk to me more and I can tell she wants me to stay around whenever we see each other but, I've just kept things short. I really felt like she was just using me for the attention / validation, and when I asked her out, I ruined the nice set up she had.
BTW, I wasn't some evil duplicitous person attempting to trick her. I'm a bit shy. I wasn't sure if she was interested in me or just a tease, so I took things slow. I wasn't looking for sex. I mean I was but, I wanted to be in a serious relationship with her. And I wrongfully assumed that any person who'd invest that much time into someone had to know it was weird to do that for just platonic relationships. If I had a girlfriend, she would totally not be cool with how much we were talking And the closer we got the more confident I became that she wanted more. But it's cool. Lesson learned.
It really doesn't matter what her intentions were at this point. She wasn't interested in being more than a friend with you. Maybe she liked you but just not enough. Once you accept that that's OK and probably has nothing to do with you personally, you'll be able to not dwell if/when this happens again.
Why is everyone making this assumption and telling him to move on? Maybe it's just him reading it wrong and getting "hints" that aren't there?
He said "I thought we had something, so I asked her out. And while she didn't turn me down, she didn't sound too excited about it. Something came up so we had to cancel. I asked her out again to the movies....twice. The first time she balked at the idea of seeing a scary movie but, said she would go (again not too excited), and then when I tried to set a concrete time, she said she was too busy but, didn't say like maybe next week or something. So I knew she was just blowing me off. "
So, she never actually said no. In fact, she said yes the first time but something came up. Maybe she really was just too busy? Maybe she isn't the type to counteroffer? Maybe she thought he was asking her to do something together "as a friend" and she was tired of this going nowhere?
I don't see the BFD why he can't talk to her like an adult and just straight up tell her that he is interested in being more than just friends and ask her if she feels the same way or not. That should have been done long ago but it should be done now before making assumptions and writing it all off.
I don't think you did anything wrong, OP. I would have thought she was interested, too. And, as a female, I wouldn't have done all that texting without being interested myself.
I don't think you have to totally cut her off, either. I would agree with oceangaia that you could have an in person conversation to try to clear up what happened. Although if she WERE interested, it seems she would be showing more enthusiasm, so nothing really wrong with just letting it go, either.
(I should also add, I don't think SHE did anything wrong. You may have just been on different pages. It happens.)
Why is everyone making this assumption and telling him to move on? Maybe it's just him reading it wrong and getting "hints" that aren't there?
He said "I thought we had something, so I asked her out. And while she didn't turn me down, she didn't sound too excited about it. Something came up so we had to cancel. I asked her out again to the movies....twice. The first time she balked at the idea of seeing a scary movie but, said she would go (again not too excited), and then when I tried to set a concrete time, she said she was too busy but, didn't say like maybe next week or something. So I knew she was just blowing me off. "
So, she never actually said no. In fact, she said yes the first time but something came up. Maybe she really was just too busy? Maybe she isn't the type to counteroffer? Maybe she thought he was asking her to do something together "as a friend" and she was tired of this going nowhere?
I don't see the BFD why he can't talk to her like an adult and just straight up tell her that he is interested in being more than just friends and ask her if she feels the same way or not. That should have been done long ago but it should be done now before making assumptions and writing it all off.
No.
As a girl, this just doesn't happen when you REALLY like a guy. You go on the date or you make plans for it to happen a different time.
2-3 cancelations = I'm not interested in you 99.9% of the time.
And vice versa. They BOTH talked about intimate, personal stuff.
Like friends do.
Unless of course, he did not enjoy the conversations and was just putting up with them and faking to...you know..."get" a girlfriend.
Thanks. Next time I'll make sure to tell her I want sex within the first hour instead of taking it slow and getting to know her. That's clearly the kind of man you respect. Making me out to be such a giant villian. How do you feel about guys who hit it and quit it and don't care to know your last name? Sorry I liked a girl. And sorry I don't want to be best friends with the woman that rejected me.
Last edited by DeanWilde; 10-25-2015 at 04:10 PM..
Why is everyone making this assumption and telling him to move on? Maybe it's just him reading it wrong and getting "hints" that aren't there?
He said "I thought we had something, so I asked her out. And while she didn't turn me down, she didn't sound too excited about it. Something came up so we had to cancel. I asked her out again to the movies....twice. The first time she balked at the idea of seeing a scary movie but, said she would go (again not too excited), and then when I tried to set a concrete time, she said she was too busy but, didn't say like maybe next week or something. So I knew she was just blowing me off. "
So, she never actually said no. In fact, she said yes the first time but something came up. Maybe she really was just too busy? Maybe she isn't the type to counteroffer? Maybe she thought he was asking her to do something together "as a friend" and she was tired of this going nowhere?
I don't see the BFD why he can't talk to her like an adult and just straight up tell her that he is interested in being more than just friends and ask her if she feels the same way or not. That should have been done long ago but it should be done now before making assumptions and writing it all off.
Interested people act interested. This is not the case here.
Interested people act interested. This is not the case here.
And shy people act shy.
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And the closer we got the more confident I became that she wanted more. But it's cool. Lesson learned.
