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True. Maybe the woman I meet might be able to help me look for a nice house. Because she might have some good taste and there is a saying that two heads are better than one in making a decision.
And I do have a good relationship with my folks and I am helping with the expenses by paying rent.
I would take a parent, sibling or trusted friend house-shopping because you're right, two heads are better than one and the other person may notice something you don't. I really don't recommend taking a woman house-shopping with you that you've just started dating. It may convey all the wrong ideas, like you're picking out a house to live in together, when your relationship is nowhere near that stage.
From a woman's POV, it's clear that your situation is temporary and you're not one of those who never left home in the first place nor one who moved back after becoming a lazy unemployed bum, so I don't see the problem. Any reasonable woman would understand your situation and wouldn't judge you for it.
I would take a parent, sibling or trusted friend house-shopping because you're right, two heads are better than one and the other person may notice something you don't. I really don't recommend taking a woman house-shopping with you that you've just started dating. It may convey all the wrong ideas, like you're picking out a house to live in together, when your relationship is nowhere near that stage.
Of course a parent or trusting friend who knows well about conditions of houses because this will be a major investment for me when I get the new place. But I can take the woman on an initial visits of houses but at the end of the day it comes down to if I want to pursue getting the property.
Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 11-08-2015 at 02:33 PM..
Reason: Off-topic for the forum.
From a woman's POV, it's clear that your situation is temporary and you're not one of those who never left home in the first place nor one who moved back after becoming a lazy unemployed bum, so I don't see the problem. Any reasonable woman would understand your situation and wouldn't judge you for it.
You are right. I established myself well in my career and have had my own first home for 13 years already
Not one thing wrong with what your doing. Please continue with your social life and stop the stressing. Just be straight forward and honest. Any woman who would take an attitude may be a person you shouldnt be dating. A decent person would understand and might find it interesting to help you find a place later even if only a friend. Happy house hunting! And yes take your trip as travel may be hard to do once your back into the responability of buying your home. Might even find a nice lady on your trip.
There is a grave and pernicious danger if one first buys a house, and only subsequently goes about finding a life-partner. Why? Because if one of the prospective partners is living in an apartment, while the other already owns a house, one of two things must happen: the partner who's renting moves in with the partner who's a house-owner, or the house gets sold. In the latter case, you lose the sales-commission etc. In the former case, there's a dynamic of the partner who's moving becoming the "guest" of the partner who is already established.
That exact thing happened to me. I'd bought a house in the country... a sprawling place, of the sort useful for a retired-coupled settling into a hobby-farm. A few years later, I got married. My then-wife was gracious about settling into the place, but ultimately never felt like a stakeholder, let alone a co-owner. We eventually divorced - not for reasons of real-estate or ordering of domestic chores, but doubtless her feeling of detachment and impermanence contributed to her lack of fulfillment.
House-purchase is a big decision. It needs to be made jointly.
There is a grave and pernicious danger if one first buys a house, and only subsequently goes about finding a life-partner. Why? Because if one of the prospective partners is living in an apartment, while the other already owns a house, one of two things must happen: the partner who's renting moves in with the partner who's a house-owner, or the house gets sold. In the latter case, you lose the sales-commission etc. In the former case, there's a dynamic of the partner who's moving becoming the "guest" of the partner who is already established.
That exact thing happened to me. I'd bought a house in the country... a sprawling place, of the sort useful for a retired-coupled settling into a hobby-farm. A few years later, I got married. My then-wife was gracious about settling into the place, but ultimately never felt like a stakeholder, let alone a co-owner. We eventually divorced - not for reasons of real-estate or ordering of domestic chores, but doubtless her feeling of detachment and impermanence contributed to her lack of fulfillment.
House-purchase is a big decision. It needs to be made jointly.
I can understand this point of view, but there are more things to consider.
What if he doesn't settle down with someone for years? Should he just keep throwing money away on rent? Why not buy a home and start building some equity that could come in handy down the road?
A lot of people can't afford to wait on the love of their life before fulfilling their own dreams. Also, there are people like me who won't care who owns the home lived in.
What if he doesn't settle down with someone for years? Should he just keep throwing money away on rent? Why not buy a home and start building some equity that could come in handy down the road?
A lot of people can't afford to wait on the love of their life before fulfilling their own dreams. ...
Yes, that's an important point. We shouldn't hold our lives hostage to the timetable of a hypothetical relationship. But some lifestyle choices are best made in sequence and contingent upon others.
The question of buying vs. renting from a strictly financial viewpoint is hotly debated, and indeed is a frequent topic of contentious argument on other City-Data subforums. It's trivially true that all markets are local, and market conditions vary. As a long-term homeowner, I can attest that for my purposes and in my market, I probably would have been better off financially had I been renting all along. In the more vibrant real-estate markets, where rents are high and house-appreciation is burgeoning, the conclusion might be the exact opposite.
The overall upshot is that while we're certainly free to live our lives in accordance with personal prerogative, bucking established trends or norms, there's comfort in acceding to such norms. The old model of marrying one's college sweetheart, then buying a house, and staying married for a lifetime, carries considerable benefits - not the least of which are financial benefits. Of course we need not view ourselves as failures or degenerates if relationships fail, or are never formed; life happens. But in our rush towards freedom and towards the embrace of alternatives, we'd do well to remember the advantages of the staid and traditional way.
Many of us have done quite well in our careers and our finances, with the romantic-relationship aspect of life being the notable laggard. Unfortunately we must admit that the latter is not without adverse blowback to the former.
The question of buying vs. renting from a strictly financial viewpoint is hotly debated, and indeed is a frequent topic of contentious argument on other City-Data subforums. It's trivially true that all markets are local, and market conditions vary. In the more vibrant real-estate markets, where rents are high and house-appreciation is burgeoning, the conclusion might be the exact opposite.
Yes, I live in one of the fastest growing cities in America. Rent is hundreds of dollars more per month than an average mortgage payment would be. It doesn't make sense to rent here, unfortunately, single or not.
Quote:
The overall upshot is that while we're certainly free to live our lives in accordance with personal prerogative, bucking established trends or norms, there's comfort in acceding to such norms. The old model of marrying one's college sweetheart, then buying a house, and staying married for a lifetime, carries considerable benefits - not the least of which are financial benefits... But in our rush towards freedom and towards the embrace of alternatives, we'd do well to remember the advantages of the staid and traditional way.
Advantages and potential benefits of the traditional way don't trump common sense. One would do better to live his or her life in the present, not based on hopes of a future with someone who may not exist.
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