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1) Be more careful about getting emotionally attached, particularly to somebody you meet online dating.
2) Don't go out of your way to do nice things if they're not appreciated. Makes you feel resentful and it's unfair to expect appreciation if the recipient hasn't asked you to do nice things for them.
I have learned a lot from prior relationships.
1. Never be someone's safety net. Do not loan money, provide a ride, help find a job, etc. They have agencies that handle those issues.
2. Expect the best and do not settle for anything less.
3. Be very private about all your personal business
4. Do not allow people to meet your family at least for 6 months.
5. Date away from where you live.
If she gets sick tell her to go to the hospital. I made that mistake when my late fiance complained about her back a lot turns out her kidneys were failing.
Make sure you're compatible in various areas, way before you entangle your lives in any significant way...
1. Sex and kinks. I know a couple that is open for the sole reason that she gets no joy out of the kink he requires. She does it for him, but it does nothing for her. She seeks what she needs elsewhere per their agreement. She wishes she could be happy mono with her man, it is the only thing that makes her do poly. I know many couples with mismatched levels of sex drive. My ex had fetishes that when he told me about them, frankly I was pretty squicked. I can never un-see the image in my imagination from what he told me, and I never wanted him again. I try not to judge, it's just SO not my thing.
If you cannot talk to your partner about what you like and want in bed, you are not ready to commit to them. I know we Americans struggle to talk about sex...well, grow up and get over it. Or just be unhappy. Whatever.
2. Communication. Had a boyfriend who, when stressed, would completely withdraw and not want to talk about it. I am the opposite. I talk and write to process, and don't like pushing issues aside and hoping they go away. Another partner would hold forth in endless monologues and never let me get a word in. If you cannot communicate, you're gonna have a bad time.
3. Social behavior. If you're the kind of person who just doesn't like people and doesn't trust anyone, and wants a partner to stay home with you and watch TV, and you get with someone who is very social and wants to go to parties every weekend, that is not gonna be a comfortable fit.
4. Life habits. I should never even go on one date with anyone who is in any way a habitual user of drugs or alcohol. Period. We just lead different lives, and I don't care how functional you think you are smoking weed every day. Or maybe you are, but it just doesn't matter. It's not compatible with how I live. An obsessive germophobic neat freak, or a total utter slob, are going to be incompatible with how I live in the long run, if we get that far. If someone is too far from where you're at with being frugal or frivolous...with religion...with any major life thing...probably not a good choice.
5. The right balance of difference and sameness, with what you are into and how you think.
I've actually met men who were TOO much like me. Finishing each other's sentences accurately, always thinking the same thing, like all the same stuff, dislike all the same stuff. Felt like I was talking to myself. BORING, and a little weird. Then some are too different. I won't be happy with a dude who tries to make me listen to music I hate, and hates everything I like. There is a perfect balance where we have similar tastes, but not near-identical minds.
And general rules...take your time. There is no rush. There's no fire. Time to get to know someone before hopping in bed with them. Time to express feelings. Time to escalate. No hurry for any of this.
This will sound messed up, but never FULLY trust anyone. Keep a bit of healthy skepticism in the back of your mind. Trust but verify. Nobody is perfect and if something seems fishy, it probably is. Trust your gut!
Trying to be the "cool girlfriend" who's "chill" about everything is a surefire way to make yourself miserable. Some people are fine with things like flirting, strip clubs, camgirls, being friends with exes, etc, but that doesn't mean YOU have to be okay with those things or that there's something wrong with you if you're not. It took me a long time to learn this, I spent many years trying to force myself to be okay with things that made me feel like dog buns. I finally realized though that I am allowed to have boundaries and not like or tolerate certain things. ALWAYS enforce your boundaries and respect yourself. Don't try to change people, but remove yourself from the relationship if they won't stop doing things that bother you.
Being alone is better than being in a bad relationship.
You don't need a "good" reason to break up with someone.
Never depend on anyone else for happiness.
We all know not to tolerate physical abuse, but never tolerate verbal abuse or yelling either.
Respect your partner's feelings regardless of whether you agree with them. You can disagree while still being kind.
Snapchat is for single people and college girls.
Nobody uses Tinder or any other dating app to make friends. Don't ever believe that lie.
Social media in general is relationship poison(unless you're an adorable old couple with a shared account lol). I read some statistic that says Facebook behavior is cited in something like 20% of divorces nowadays. Social media lets us see things we were never meant to see, it breeds insecurity, it keeps doors open that should stay firmly closed(reconnecting with exes comes to mind), it presents endless temptations, and it allows us to give our attention to random people when we should be giving it to our partners instead. It may not be feasible to avoid social media altogether anymore, but be mindful of your behavior online. How do you think it makes your partner feel when you follow that sexy model or add that "platonic" friend and start "liking" all their risque selfies? My ex used to do that and lemme tell you- it feels REALLY crappy. Everyone looks at attractive people, but that "like" is unnecessary and disrespectful to your SO. Behave yourself online and get your spank bank material from Pornhub like a normal person.
last but not least- you can't fix someone. I can't emphasize this enough. If you're with someone and they have some major dealbreaker flaw, MOVE ON. Don't stick around and try to change them cause you love them soooo much. Love is not enough!
Last edited by SantisimaMuerte; 08-07-2017 at 08:14 PM..
In some ways the most tragic part of any relationship is also the most universal and true: for every hello there is a goodbye.
Now let's party like it's 2099, my peeps.
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