Complaining In Relationships (family, partner, different, difference)

[CinnaBunney]

I know that constant complaining ruins a relationship. What do you classify as complaining? What do you consider to be a legitimate concern your partner is bringing to your attention? Or do they both mean the same thing?

[hawaiiancoconut]

[CSD610]

Originally Posted by CinnaBunney

I know that constant complaining ruins a relationship. What do you classify as complaining? What do you consider to be a legitimate concern your partner is bringing to your attention? Or do they both mean the same thing?

Whatever I feel the need to discuss with Mr. CSD or he with me that we consider a concern that is legitimate that also stays between us since we are the only ones involved.

[Auraliea]

It depends on the couple.

I believe they need to figure out their own differences rather than bringing in third parties. No one knows what is going on inside that relationship but the two people that are involved.

[BirdieBelle]

Complaining and venting about a legit concern are totally different.

Venting should be temporary. You should feel better afterward, and you should work toward a solution.

Complaining never really ends. It's a state of mind. For whatever reason, usually attention, the complainer does it because they NEED to. They use the unfortunate listener as an outlet for all their negative emotions. It's a self-centered, using mentality.

[Rkstar71]

I find that when something needs to be said ( and not everything needs to be mentioned) it's HOW it is said that makes the difference.

For example: one could say "Honey, I noticed the grass was getting tall, would you be a sweetheart and cut it while I make you something to eat?"

Or...

"When's the last time you been out back? The yard isn't that big! Would it kill you to cut the grass just once every two weeks?"

Do you see the difference?

[elyn02]

Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life

Complaining and venting about a legit concern are totally different.

Venting should be temporary. You should feel better afterward, and you should work toward a solution.

Complaining never really ends. It's a state of mind. For whatever reason, usually attention, the complainer does it because they NEED to. They use the unfortunate listener as an outlet for all their negative emotions. It's a self-centered, using mentality.

I agree. Complaining is a state of mind. A complainer is somebody who is ineffective in communicating their complaint and is ineffective in getting their needs met. Also, a complainer doesn't like it when somebody complains about them, thus breaking down the relationship even further.

I am not a complainer but many in my family are complainers. I do my best to address their complaints. However, when I have a concern and they ignore it....lets just say that I always get what I want.

[funymann]

Originally Posted by elyn02

I agree. Complaining is a state of mind. A complainer is somebody who is ineffective in communicating their complaint and is ineffective in getting their needs met. Also, a complainer doesn't like it when somebody complains about them, thus breaking down the relationship even further.

I am not a complainer but many in my family are complainers. I do my best to address their complaints. However, when I have a concern and they ignore it....lets just say that I always get what I want.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by CinnaBunney

I know that constant complaining ruins a relationship. What do you classify as complaining? What do you consider to be a legitimate concern your partner is bringing to your attention? Or do they both mean the same thing?

If it's important stuff, sure. That's the kind of stuff that needs to be addressed.

But the constant, low-grade whining is something entirely different.