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I think the biggest indicator a man isn't interested is when he's talking to you about OTHER women. You're basically one of his pals. Except being a woman, he could try getting advice from you on women better than he may get with male buddies.
I think that because you are interested in him, you see what you'd like to believe and over-analyze his behavior.
Chances are, this man is not interested in you - romantically. BUT if you really want to know, you can try asking him out and see where things lead. BUT only do so if you're 100% mature. Meaning, if he rejects you, or you date and things don't work out, you can leave the drama out of the office, be professional, and do the job you're paid to do.
I think one mistake I made was a few days ago I noticed he was gravitating towards me in a group of coworkers and I didnt want him to know I knew he was right there in front of me, I was looking at my phone, and after I said something to a coworker, he moved closer and started talking too, and shortly after I went back to my phone and I was watching out of the corner of my eye and he wanted to stay near me but stupid me was acting too aloof and he eventually went by some other people. I admit I do keep my feelings hidden, I often go about things as if he isn't there, until he starts a conversation. This could be why he's hesitating in asking me out. Maybe I go overboard sometimes, like if he is nearby, I act like I don't see him until he says something. It's my instinctual reaction so I don't give guys the false impression I am desperate.
You're not ready for a serious relationship. You're in your 40s and you are consciously playing silly games? Forget about a relationship for now and work on you.
Thanks for the replies, everyone...I'll give a few of my thoughts on all that...
To the people who said don't date someone at work, I have never understood why people advise against that. Where I'm from, most people meet people through work. My parents met at work. I met and dated a guy at work and we ended up in a serious relationship for 3 years so we lived and worked together and when we broke up we remained friends and it was all good. I am 43, I'm not a teenager who creates drama with guys. This guy is in his 30's so he's not a child either. I think when people shy away from dating coworkers, it only means they are afraid it would get too awkward for them. I am not worried about that.
To those who think I'm being childish and playing games, you can call it that if you want but all the relationship experts tell you to do these things. There are rules to dating, there are ways you should act or not act in order to keep the other person from pushing you away. Like not acting too interested, that's a huge one. I took a few dating courses from famous experts and they ALL gave the same advice, so I have been doing that because that is what they said and other women who took the same course got good results from following that advice.
And he's never asked for my advice about these other women, he tells me about them along with everything else about his life in a matter-of-fact way, he never asks me for advice about them because they happened in the past and/or he was just bragging. One male friend I asked said he was probably talking about other girls to see what my reaction would be, especially the one he met 3 months ago, because we barely talked then and we weren't even friends, so he thought that specific conversation was a test to see how I would react. At the time I didn't like him so I smiled and said "oh really, that's cool, good luck with her!" So maybe after that he thought I didn't like him.
To those who think I'm being childish and playing games, you can call it that if you want but all the relationship experts tell you to do these things. There are rules to dating, there are ways you should act or not act in order to keep the other person from pushing you away. Like not acting too interested, that's a huge one. I took a few dating courses from famous experts and they ALL gave the same advice, so I have been doing that because that is what they said and other women who took the same course got good results from following that advice.
And he's never asked for my advice about these other women, he tells me about them along with everything else about his life in a matter-of-fact way, he never asks me for advice about them because they happened in the past and/or he was just bragging. One male friend I asked said he was probably talking about other girls to see what my reaction would be, especially the one he met 3 months ago, because we barely talked then and we weren't even friends, so he thought that specific conversation was a test to see how I would react. At the time I didn't like him so I smiled and said "oh really, that's cool, good luck with her!" So maybe after that he thought I didn't like him.
You don't seem to be acting like a 40-something, maturity-wise.
As for the games, games attract game players and those who are afraid of intimacy. Good luck if that is what you consider good results.
I took a few dating courses from famous experts and they ALL gave the same advice, so I have been doing that because that is what they said and other women who took the same course got good results from following that advice.
Famous experts on dating???? That's ^^^ all just games.
It's common sense. If you've known each other several months and he hasn't asked you ANYthing personal or made ANY forward progress to build more emotional intimacy between the two of you, he is not romantically interested.
Thanks for the replies, everyone...I'll give a few of my thoughts on all that...
To the people who said don't date someone at work, I have never understood why people advise against that. Where I'm from, most people meet people through work. My parents met at work. I met and dated a guy at work and we ended up in a serious relationship for 3 years so we lived and worked together and when we broke up we remained friends and it was all good. I am 43, I'm not a teenager who creates drama with guys. This guy is in his 30's so he's not a child either. I think when people shy away from dating coworkers, it only means they are afraid it would get too awkward for them. I am not worried about that.
To those who think I'm being childish and playing games, you can call it that if you want but all the relationship experts tell you to do these things. There are rules to dating, there are ways you should act or not act in order to keep the other person from pushing you away. Like not acting too interested, that's a huge one. I took a few dating courses from famous experts and they ALL gave the same advice, so I have been doing that because that is what they said and other women who took the same course got good results from following that advice.
And he's never asked for my advice about these other women, he tells me about them along with everything else about his life in a matter-of-fact way, he never asks me for advice about them because they happened in the past and/or he was just bragging. One male friend I asked said he was probably talking about other girls to see what my reaction would be, especially the one he met 3 months ago, because we barely talked then and we weren't even friends, so he thought that specific conversation was a test to see how I would react. At the time I didn't like him so I smiled and said "oh really, that's cool, good luck with her!" So maybe after that he thought I didn't like him.
I think you are reading into the situation what you want to see. As you mentioned this man is in his 30s. He's not a child he's an adult, and presumably has dated others. If he was interested he would ask you out, or at the very least ask one of your friends if they thought you would be receptive to that.
I would either ask him out yourself or let it go completely. However, I am also not into game playing. When I like a man he knows, if he's not interested it's fine (no harm no foul), i move on. Because I want to be with someone who is as crazy about me as I am then (and luckily I am).
It's kinda hard to follow anyone's advice when it's all different. I guess I will just give up then.
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