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I’m a straight single guy and I never approach women unless they show me they’re interested. Only then will I strike up the conversation.
If I see an attractive woman I might be interested in but she doesn’t smile or show any interest on her part, I won’t bother because she’s not worth my time.
There’s too much pressure on guys to make the first move and it shouldn’t be that way. I refuse to set myself up for rejection, disappointment, and heartbreak. If that means I go home alone, I’m fine with it.
An older woman once told me I'd eat you for breakfast and I didn't do anything. My friend told me "That was your chance to seal it!" That's just how clueless I was. I have improved a lot since then.
That was us. WE told you that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
I don't know...this may sound narrow of me but it's ONLY my experience, it doesn't have to be anyone else's...I have heard since my youth that men wish women would be forward and make the first move but nine times out of ten (probably more than that ), when it actually did happen, the guy shied away with some silly excuse that he was obviously just scrambling for whether he realized it or not.
I just commented on this in jade's thread about buying books as an icebreaker. I'd submit the same problem is in play here.
Spoiler
For those who haven't read the thread, jade maintains that "that would work on me for sure". And when naive guys hear statements like that, they go out into the field (sometimes towards the exact woman who made such a statement).....and fail. So no matter how much the person in question believes that they'd want such a scenario, to use phrases like "that would work on me for sure" is grossly misleading. It would not. Just as many guys who maintain they want women to approach them are not sure things either (I suppose...I know I have been!)
And while I have personally never rejected a single woman that came on to me (all three!), I can't speak for other guys...so the thought of them being frightened by such behavior is just confusing to me).
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
^ ETA: I think I can guess what's coming from a certain faction... "Well then, JerZ, why didn't you just get over the rejection and try again? After all, that's what we guys have to do!"
The simplified version ( always exceptions) is when the guy is the one initiating it means "He's interested"
When the woman is, it appears more like "She's desperate"...like she couldn't attract a man so has to shove herself right in front of them to see if she can get his attention.
This in general is my experience. It's not rejection, I've been turned down and that's ok. You just move on as it's not personal really. I don't care.
The problem is men who think because you approach that you must be some desperate, needs to get laid now girl. And they waste your time because they aren't really interested in you, only the possible outcome. Time I could have spent talking to a man who actually likes me and not one who sees me as a one night stand because he thinks I must be desperate.
That said if I am interested enough I will still approach. The type of guy I like never seems to think I'd be interested. So they don't tend to approach. So I have to take the risk. I initiated things with my current boyfriend. He too said he never thought I'd be interested in him. But he's my type. Laid back, smart, geeky, still a hands on DIY traditional man, and just really kind to everyone. It didn't take long for us to fall in love. I couldn't be luckier to have found him.
I’m a straight single guy and I never approach women unless they show me they’re interested. Only then will I strike up the conversation.
If I see an attractive woman I might be interested in but she doesn’t smile or show any interest on her part, I won’t bother because she’s not worth my time.
There’s too much pressure on guys to make the first move and it shouldn’t be that way. I refuse to set myself up for rejection, disappointment, and heartbreak. If that means I go home alone, I’m fine with it.
I would only approach a woman because I wanted to not because of something society says I have to do. And in the past, I did the same as you. Why approach a woman who shows she doesn't want to be talked to? Waste of time.
I’m a straight single guy and I never approach women unless they show me they’re interested. Only then will I strike up the conversation.
If I see an attractive woman I might be interested in but she doesn’t smile or show any interest on her part, I won’t bother because she’s not worth my time.
There’s too much pressure on guys to make the first move and it shouldn’t be that way. I refuse to set myself up for rejection, disappointment, and heartbreak. If that means I go home alone, I’m fine with it.
I agree. I actually have only had success when I haven't needed to approach first. I've noticed that most women would almost rather literally die than be the one to approach first. Even if they know you are shy and introverted, they expect you to man up the vast majority of the time.
I think if we want to be progressive and evolve that probably needs to change.
I’m a straight single guy and I never approach women unless they show me they’re interested. Only then will I strike up the conversation.
If I see an attractive woman I might be interested in but she doesn’t smile or show any interest on her part, I won’t bother because she’s not worth my time.
Well, yeah, isn't that how it's supposed to work? Why would anyone try to strike up a conversation with someone who didn't look interested in talking to them?
Well, yeah, isn't that how it's supposed to work? Why would anyone try to strike up a conversation with someone who didn't look interested in talking to them?
Yes, exactly. Even women who don't literally make the first move, say, actually request the date, generally indicate our interest. We don't sit there like stumps staring at the wall and just hope that you, specifically, will be all he turned on by our sitting and staring charms and come running up. Even for the most ultra traditional, so to speak, of women and men, whether overtly or more subtly it is still the combination of the actions of two people that usually makes for a future date and maybe more. It is interactive.
If the girl literally is glaring at you and closing up her body language as you approach and you try to force your way anyway, well, yeah, it's likely going to be rejection in that case, and not because life is unfair or because women "don't have to do anything," but because duh, she's obviously not interested...and everybody, both male and female, has the right to say no.
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), when it actually did happen, the guy shied away with some silly excuse that he was obviously just scrambling for whether he realized it or not.
