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So just to give you a little bit of history about my situation, I met a guy through friends just over a year ago and we really hit it off. He (we'll call him Jack) asked me out at the time but I was going through a lot of stuff and just wasn't ready. After this he then eventually started dating one of my 'friends' (I only see her about once a month and we don't meet outside this friendship group - we've never been 'close' and she's actually pretty mean) and they dated for nearly a year.
These guys broke up in January after a fairly awkward relationship and since then Jack and I have been getting really close. We've been on 3 dates now and they have been brilliant, really good fun and natural.
My issue is is that he avoids places we might be seen together because of his ex and he actually hasn't told anyone about us meeting up. When I'm with him I feel like a naughty child doing something I shouldn't be because he's always on the look out for any of our mutual friends.
I think this could be a good thing and I truly believe in his heart of hearts he thinks it could be too but how long would you put up with the feeling of being some dirty little secret, I don't really know how to proceed?
He said he didn't want to rub her nose in it which I do totally agree with but that wasn't ever on the cards. I asked him how it would realistically work and he said 'well people do move on from relationships', essentially she'll just have to accept it - two very different opinions.
Ok, so he's trying to respect HER feelings. Has he considered YOUR feelings?
If you think you're being disrespected, which is what this is about, discuss it and resolve it. If he NEVER takes you out in public, that's bad. If he still treats you with respect but just doesn't go to a certain few places, I would get I over it.
I keep trying to put it in perspective and think like that I mean it has only been 3 dates but I don't want to feel like I'm in her shadow at all. I think it's different too because we've known each other for so long and we've been friends before so we feel a bit closer than if it was like a blind date or something similar I guess.
I think he did tell his workmates and friends from home but he's terrified of telling anyone even remotely close to me.
We do go out in town to eat etc but it's only ever to places he knows we won't 'be seen', I only worked this out recently when I made a joke about a certain cinema and bumping into people (our friends go there all the time) and he went pale and we ended up going to this cinema no one ever goes to - it just seemed really immature to me.
Might just be that he got hurt in that relationship and he doesn't want to be reminded of that by running into her or her peer group. Some folks just take longer to get over things.
If you were not in the picture would he be going to those places you mentioned ?
It sounds to me like he hasn't broken up with the other woman. I have heard this scenario before and every time, it turned out that the other woman had to be seen "on the sly". Also, unless you are in high school, this behavior seems very immature.
Hmmm. Hes probably still hitting your friend on the side.
Id avoid her, too, if I was out with you
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