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One thing the OP isn't considering. She has to be MARRIED to this guy for 10 years before she'd be eligible for his SS payments. He's got to be at least 62 if he's eligible for SS. If he drops dead before 72 (assuming they get married tomorrow), she'll lose his SS payments which according to her is the bulk of their monthly income. She'll still get SS payments for her minor child, but his SS payments and most likely his pension payments will be gone. She's putting her child at financial risk if she doesn't have a job. But, I guess her statement that you have to set aside your "dreams" once you have a child doesn't apply when her "dream" of not working is the one taking the hit.
Um, if he was a "real man" (which apparently means supporting a traditional family dynamic) wouldn't he have married the mother of his child before the kid was born to ensure that they enjoyed the full benefit of being a legally recognized family? This kid's got to be at least 3 or 4.
And now she's complaining in the parenting forum about the rude responses she received here.
This is like Psych 101. She wants congratulations, sympathy, and back-patting. She got it originally on the other thread, and came here for more. She didn't get it here (except from a couple people that didn't read the thread), so she added more details in a continued effort. Still didn't work, so she went back to where she got it in the first place, omitting just enough of the important stuff to ensure that she gets what she needs.
Note that there's nothing in that other thread about making her fiancee give anything up or getting what she wants. Just the extremely vague, "putting our child first" statement.
Didn't anticipate so much venom. For this reason, I unofficially declare this thread closed. Please carry on. Good night.
'Venom' in this case is a thinly-veiled euphemism for 'well, I didn't hear what I wanted, which was the sound of thousands of hands lining up to pat my little head and say 'it's gonna be alright bubbie-cakes'!'
Or those same thousands of hands clapping in response to your declaration of your fiance as a 'real man'
So then you take your ball and run to the Parenting forum, and start a thread declaring all the rest of us here in Relationships a bunch of 'mean widdle kids' because we had the nerve to tell you what time it was
Boyyy howdy...some folk just never cease to amaze me
This real man just opened a pickle jar for his wife
Now that's a real man. LH used to do that for me all the time - I think he felt bad for the jar lids getting the crap beat out of them with a butter knife so I could open them myself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by UNC4Me
One thing the OP isn't considering. She has to be MARRIED to this guy for 10 years before she'd be eligible for his SS payments. He's got to be at least 62 if he's eligible for SS. If he drops dead before 72 (assuming they get married tomorrow), she'll lose his SS payments which according to her is the bulk of their monthly income. She'll still get SS payments for her minor child, but his SS payments and most likely his pension payments will be gone. She's putting her child at financial risk if she doesn't have a job. But, I guess her statement that you have to set aside your "dreams" once you have a child doesn't apply when her "dream" of not working is the one taking the hit.
Excellent points. If he was previously married for more than 10 years, the ex would actually be the one to
qualify for the fiance's payments. This has happened twice in my family - with my aunt and my mom. My aunt is how I learned about the rule. My parents divorced when I was 9. They were just barely married 10 years, divorced 20 when he died and she is now collecting his SS.
And I believe if OP were to remarry, she'd lose the SS payments for her child. We didn't have kids but I've heard a couple of my widowed friends mention it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HokieFan
And now she's complaining in the parenting forum about the rude responses she received here.
With a post that reads as if she didn't realize those who post here could see it. At least that's how it read to me.
Man, the kid is three with two stay at home parents. Cheaply move to Florida for a year or so and try it out. It may make everyone happier, who knows. I believe you are scared of the unknown and are trying to rationalize your fears through your "child's well-being." You fiancee probably talked about moving to Florida for decades, after retirement, then had a baby and now is like, "Crap, I am so screwed."
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Sorry You Feel That Way, But...
to tell you what time it was
