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I've been with my girlfriend for 1.8 years. I'm her first boyfriend since high school (She's 32) naturally she is very inexperienced when it comes to relationships, so Ive been patient. Her personality is very reserved and closed off and she doesn't really express her feelings although I know she keeps a diary, so she does have a lot of thoughts and feelings that she rarely expresses to me.
I've talked to her about spending more time together, texting each other every day, using language that's more appropriate for couples - we used to refer to each other as Hey you. All these happened in the early stages of the relationship, but it has always been me who has pushed for this things to happen. She's opened up to me but there is still a lot of work to be done.
I know she loves me, and I love her with all my heart, I've always taken the initiative but Im starting to feel disappointed and discouraged to keep trying. It's been almost 2 years and not once has she called me out of the blue to make plans. She never texts me first thing in the morning, I'd love to wake up to a text message from her. She does text me in the morning but it's only after she's at work and I know it doesn't sound like a big deal but I think these are the little things that happen in a relationship.
I fear that if I were to stop trying she would not put up a fight for us, even though she loves me, she just has a tendency to accept the bad things and deal with them internally.
The last thing I wanna do is come to her and ask her to do these little things for me, because I don't wanna seem needy and clingy, but I feel like I dont wanna try anymore, everyday I feel very disappointed to see her lack of initiative. How can I bring this up to her without seeming needy?
I've been with my girlfriend for 1.8 years. I'm her first boyfriend since high school (She's 32) naturally she is very inexperienced when it comes to relationships, so Ive been patient. Her personality is very reserved and closed off and she doesn't really express her feelings although I know she keeps a diary, so she does have a lot of thoughts and feelings that she rarely expresses to me.
I've talked to her about spending more time together, texting each other every day, using language that's more appropriate for couples - we used to refer to each other as Hey you. All these happened in the early stages of the relationship, but it has always been me who has pushed for this things to happen. She's opened up to me but there is still a lot of work to be done.
I know she loves me, and I love her with all my heart, I've always taken the initiative but Im starting to feel disappointed and discouraged to keep trying. It's been almost 2 years and not once has she called me out of the blue to make plans. She never texts me first thing in the morning, I'd love to wake up to a text message from her. She does text me in the morning but it's only after she's at work and I know it doesn't sound like a big deal but I think these are the little things that happen in a relationship.
I fear that if I were to stop trying she would not put up a fight for us, even though she loves me, she just has a tendency to accept the bad things and deal with them internally.
The last thing I wanna do is come to her and ask her to do these little things for me, because I don't wanna seem needy and clingy, but I feel like I dont wanna try anymore, everyday I feel very disappointed to see her lack of initiative. How can I bring this up to her without seeming needy?
I don't think you can change people if she is reserved and closed off like then that how she is you can't really change people. Forcing people to be someone they are not is a bad idea but just talk to her about it.
Seriously both people need to work together and show love and affection.
I don't think thats needy if it is then most of us are needy.
IF you're not happy about something in your relationship you just come out and say it.
Its strange, that you've been together for 2 years, yet cant talk to your gf and have an honest discussion about something pertaining to your relationship.
yeah the thing is I've talked to her about it before, I've said to her that I'd like to see her show more affection, so I don't wanna do it again because I feel like I'm begging
yeah the thing is I've talked to her about it before, I've said to her that I'd like to see her show more affection, so I don't wanna do it again because I feel like I'm begging
Ugh people like that annoy me.
I don't think you are begging. If you are not feeling loved from your gf who are you supposed to feel loved from then?
If shes understanding about it, she will fix the issue, if shes not and she judges you for it well there's your answer.
yeah the thing is I've talked to her about it before, I've said to her that I'd like to see her show more affection, so I don't wanna do it again because I feel like I'm begging
If you've already spoken to her about it and feel that there has been no change, you have a simple choice to make.
Either accept that she doesn't express her feelings in this way or find someone else who is more compatible with you in this respect
You seem to need to know that she's thinking about you all the time.
What, a woman can't even have a little time to herself in the morning to get ready for work? Texting you later isn't good enough?
You are far more into her than she is into you. There's nothing wrong with her but you're treating her like someone who needs to be fixed because she doesn't do exactly what you want her to.
I'll go even further and say the reason this hasn't come to a head is that you know all this and are afraid she'll break up with you if you make a big deal of it again.
How can I bring this up to her without seeming needy?
You can't.
The fact is you both have different styles of relating. It's not her nature to do things like text you first thing in the morning, dump her problems on you, or be all lovey-dovey and use "couple-y" language. It's just not who she is. Either accept her as she is or move on. I say this as someone who is a lot like how you describe her to be. You're expecting her to change fundamental ways of expressing herself, and it's not going to happen. If she's not meeting your needs, end the relationship and find someone who will. But getting on her to change such basic things about herself is wrong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat
You seem to need to know that she's thinking about you all the time.
What, a woman can't even have a little time to herself in the morning to get ready for work? Texting you later isn't good enough?
You are far more into her than she is into you. There's nothing wrong with her but you're treating her like someone who needs to be fixed because she doesn't do exactly what you want her to.
I'll go even further and say the reason this hasn't come to a head is that you know all this and are afraid she'll break up with you if you make a big deal of it again.
Can't rep you right now, but on behalf of mush-free, text-hating, morning-hating introverts everywhere, THANK YOU.
The fact is you both have different styles of relating. It's not her nature to do things like text you first thing in the morning, dump her problems on you, or be all lovey-dovey and use "couple-y" language. It's just not who she is. Either accept her as she is or move on. I say this as someone who is a lot like how you describe her to be. You're expecting her to change fundamental ways of expressing herself, and it's not going to happen. If she's not meeting your needs, end the relationship and find someone who will. But getting on her to change such basic things about herself is wrong.
Yeah, sure. Until she starts crying to you because Sephora doesn't have her favorite color of eye shadow, every time her car makes a funny noise she calls you up in a panic, and she starts expecting you to pay her rent.
Neediness is never attractive. Only a co-dependent would find it so.
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