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I am 28. About 1,5 months ago I met a 37-year old man through an online dating agency. We had 5 dates altogether.
He is a shy guy, doesn’t talk much. When there were pauses in a conversation, I was the one to fill them. His last relationship lasted for 12 years and he has a 4,5 year-old son. He was not married officially and had been single for 5 months when I met him. His ex-girlfriend was dominant, he said she was the chef in their relationship.
I was his second date. He said that his first date wasn’t attractive enough for him, so he texted her telling the truth about her looks (I find it too rude).
He said he was very glad to meet me, as I am very attractive and cool. I told him that I also find him attractive. Our 4 first dates were lovely, but a bit boring as he didn’t talk much, kissed me only on the 3rd date. But he turned out to be a great kisser.
He made a serious impression, told me that he wants kids and asked me whether I want a house or a flat and in which district. I told him „a house“, and he said he wanted the same, and in the same district.
On our 5th date he invited me to his house. He asked me 3 times, whether I really wanted it. I agreed. We had sex. It was o.k., nothing special, but I liked it, and told him that it was great. He didn’t believe me and told me I wasn’t being honest and just wanted to flatter him. I told him that I really find him great in bed. He looked sceptical of my words.
Before our 5th date he texted me once a day, but he always started texts. When he drove me home after our 5st date, we kissed about 20 minutes in his car and then he told me he would like me to text him first, as he was doing it all the time, and wanted some initiative from me. I said: „o.k.“ and wrote to him first in the evening, telling about my day and asking how his day was. He described in detail everything he was doing, like washing his car, shopping, cleaning, etc. And he didn’t ask me anything...
Next morning I did the same. I wrote to him what I did and was planning to do, and everything repeated. He wrote about his plans to meet his son and go to the gym. And not a single question to me. I was a bit perplexed and didn’t write anything that day and the following day. But then, the following day, he broke the silence and texted me asking what I was doing. I wrote a really long text, and asked him about his day. He didn’t answer for almost 3 days.
On the 3rd day I felt offended. The thing is that since I met him he was online by the dating agency all the time. And while he didn’t have time to text me he had plenty of time for the dating agency. I felt like I was used and texted him that we shouldn’t see each other as I’ve got an impression that he isn’t serious, and I am looking for a serious relationship. I’ve got no answer from him, and it has been 3 days since it happened.
I feel that there could be a future there, as we both want a serious relationship. He isn’t a womanizer either. He is too shy for a womanizer, and he can’t even joke or entertain. Ironically, now he is not online any longer.
May be, as I met him during his first week in this agency, he though he could try some more girls before making a final decision. I am not talking about sex, may be he just wanted some more dates... And it’s an expensive dating agency. Moreover, he has got a 1-year contract there. As well as me.
What do you think? I don’t want to text him first. What do you think happened here? Shyness or lack of interest? Thanks in advance.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,948,491 times
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Sounds like neither of you were really into the other person. No spark. No passion. No great chemistry. It's that simple. You weren't right for each other.
Yes, it sounds like he's distancing himself, and is apparently aware that he is a mediocre lover as well. He sounds like a complete bore to me.
Can't even joke or entertain? Sounds like he'd suck as even a platonic roommate let alone a spouse. It seems like the only thing in common is that he wants a committed relationship and a house in the same district as you. There has to be more. So, so much more.
If there IS a future between you, it looks to be awkward and painful.
Dating doesn't have to be like this. He sounds like he doesn't really know how to access and share his emotions. I would not be interested in going any further with him AT ALL.
Anyways, sorry OP this guy's a flake, and I think it would best serve you to move on (though you won't agree with this). There's absolutely nothing I read that indicates anything meaningful or deep to the 'relationship' from 5 dates. Just two people who made out and had lackluster sex, which to me doesn't look good, particularly when true chemistry and attraction doesn't seem to be there. This is why I am personally not for having sex so early in the dating/courtship phase.
If you're already having concerns so early on, there's a reason why.
Here's my basic guidelines for relationships and courtship in general:
If you have to come on a forum and ask strangers about potential issues in your relationship, if there's somethingthat bugs you about your situation, then perhaps you should move on and look elsewhere. Big things happen from little things. Humans have evolved over millions of years to have that gut instinct which warns of potentially bad situations.
Hmmm...I am sorry, I'm just not feeling this one. I know any post on a forum can only be a snapshot but it just sort of feels like he hasn't really been trying from the beginning.
He's pulled out the bigger stops briefly when he felt like he "had" to (like the great kissing but only after being lukewarm and sort of half-hearted in his involvement in the dates). Then he ramped things up because he wanted sex. (Sorry.) He even pulled out "where do you want to live? What kind of flat? ME TOO" thing - on only the 4th date. Honey, that should have been a red flag. That's what people do when they want to create an artificial "connection" so the other person trusts enough to put out. I'm not saying he's evil or anything...but this is common.
Then he found a reason to be miffed at you - you didn't initiate texts enough - and even when you did, he was still miffed. Already, once the deal had been sealed, he was finding reasons for you two to have little tiffs so he could just not respond to you.
I can't see this going from here. Who knows...I mean I don't know you, or him. But I'm not exactly seeing a wedding in your future. I'd move along. And next time, DON'T FALL FOR the whole "instant connection" thing. It's bogus and it's a tool to achieve a specific end, and then...poof.
FTR, I'm not seeing "shy" here. This guy may well be shy, but I am not reading that, specifically, from what you're stating. Rather, what I'm seeing is either a lack of social ability, or just not caring enough to perform socially the way someone who cares about making an impression would. That doesn't mean shy, though.
FTR, I'm not seeing "shy" here. This guy may well be shy, but I am not reading that, specifically, from what you're stating. Rather, what I'm seeing is either a lack of social ability, or just not caring enough to perform socially the way someone who cares about making an impression would. That doesn't mean shy, though.
I am 28. About 1,5 months ago I met a 37-year old man through an online dating agency. We had 5 dates altogether.
He is a shy guy, doesn’t talk much. When there were pauses in a conversation, I was the one to fill them. His last relationship lasted for 12 years and he has a 4,5 year-old son. He was not married officially and had been single for 5 months when I met him. His ex-girlfriend was dominant, he said she was the chef in their relationship.
I was his second date. He said that his first date wasn’t attractive enough for him, so he texted her telling the truth about her looks (I find it too rude).
He said he was very glad to meet me, as I am very attractive and cool. I told him that I also find him attractive. Our 4 first dates were lovely, but a bit boring as he didn’t talk much, kissed me only on the 3rd date. But he turned out to be a great kisser.
He made a serious impression, told me that he wants kids and asked me whether I want a house or a flat and in which district. I told him „a house“, and he said he wanted the same, and in the same district.
On our 5th date he invited me to his house. He asked me 3 times, whether I really wanted it. I agreed. We had sex. It was o.k., nothing special, but I liked it, and told him that it was great. He didn’t believe me and told me I wasn’t being honest and just wanted to flatter him. I told him that I really find him great in bed. He looked sceptical of my words.
Before our 5th date he texted me once a day, but he always started texts. When he drove me home after our 5st date, we kissed about 20 minutes in his car and then he told me he would like me to text him first, as he was doing it all the time, and wanted some initiative from me. I said: „o.k.“ and wrote to him first in the evening, telling about my day and asking how his day was. He described in detail everything he was doing, like washing his car, shopping, cleaning, etc. And he didn’t ask me anything...
Next morning I did the same. I wrote to him what I did and was planning to do, and everything repeated. He wrote about his plans to meet his son and go to the gym. And not a single question to me. I was a bit perplexed and didn’t write anything that day and the following day. But then, the following day, he broke the silence and texted me asking what I was doing. I wrote a really long text, and asked him about his day. He didn’t answer for almost 3 days.
On the 3rd day I felt offended. The thing is that since I met him he was online by the dating agency all the time. And while he didn’t have time to text me he had plenty of time for the dating agency. I felt like I was used and texted him that we shouldn’t see each other as I’ve got an impression that he isn’t serious, and I am looking for a serious relationship. I’ve got no answer from him, and it has been 3 days since it happened.
I feel that there could be a future there, as we both want a serious relationship. He isn’t a womanizer either. He is too shy for a womanizer, and he can’t even joke or entertain. Ironically, now he is not online any longer.
May be, as I met him during his first week in this agency, he though he could try some more girls before making a final decision. I am not talking about sex, may be he just wanted some more dates... And it’s an expensive dating agency. Moreover, he has got a 1-year contract there. As well as me.
What do you think? I don’t want to text him first. What do you think happened here? Shyness or lack of interest? Thanks in advance.
Proper little charmer! lmao
Seriously though that's enough to know what sort of bloke he is and that should of been the end of it there and then
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lmao 
