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I loved that job. It was enormously stressful (print journalism...tight deadlines, accuracy/liability concerns, etc. ).
The lack of downtime was still a major issue for my mental health.
If I could have done it just 40 hours a week, I'd have stayed forever. As it was, not worth my health, much as I enjoyed the work.
To bring it full circle to the OP, I could never, in any lifetime, have kept that job if i'd started a family them. I have an infant now, and doing that job with a newborn would have been a complete impossibility. I knew of exactly zero women in my position with babies. All were childless or had grown kids, older stepkids. I knew few men. ..my brother is one, does the same job with preemie twins, and it's damned near killing him. Not all fields mix well with parenting.
Some jobs and fields are just not conducive to family or family life and orientation, They just are not.
The fault is not always on the employer or is the responsibility to make concessions and convictions for your specific lifestyle choices.
There is this odd notion that just because you can do the work or want to do that work that the work is right for you...that's about as realistic as Mickey mouses nose.
You may love the type of work you are doing but it's not your employers responsibility to give you the type of life you always wanted. If your love of work conflicts with your direction in life it's up to you to evaluate for yourself where you should be putting yourself and decide for yourself where importance lays.
Agreed (as indicated by my exiting a field where i loved the work, because the demands on my time were highly unreasonable), and many people select their career track YEARS before parenting is part of their lives, sometimes even before they even consider that they may someday become parents. So, when your situation changes, you adjust. For some, that adjustment IS leaving the career they trained for and established to become the much-maligned SAH parent, because their field is family unfriendly.
There are definitely those who evaluate where they should be putting themselves and where the importance lies, as you comment, and find that the answer is parenting full time, versus career focus.
All SAHM's are lazy!!!! At one point my cousin was working on her second masters degree, working full time as a teacher, gave birth to twins and only took 3 weeks off work for maternity leave. My aunt is close by to help with baby sitting so that helps, but other then that my cousin and her husband do the majority of parenting work. She is now on child No. 3 and working full time as a school principal.
I can't believe all these women acting as if being a SAHM is oh so "hard".
How did women manage back in the day when having 5-10 kids or more was the norm and they didn't have all the nice appliances and all the other stuff that makes house work and the like far easier?
All SAHM's are lazy!!!! At one point my cousin was working on her second masters degree, working full time as a teacher, gave birth to twins and only took 3 weeks off work for maternity leave. My aunt is close by to help with baby sitting so that helps, but other then that my cousin and her husband do the majority of parenting work. She is now on child No. 3 and working full time as a school principal.
Great for her. They're doing the majority of the parenting, when? In the two hours before bedtime? And who exactly was watching her 3 week old! infants when she went back to work? A bored childcare worker? Isn't that ironic that with her being so smart and educated, her babies are spending the majority of their waking hours raised by someone who likely barely has a high school education, nor cares about them beyond keeping her job. And this is a bragging right now??
Sorry, I for one did not go through pregnancy and labour to hand over my precious 3 week baby (I still can't get over that age, that is TINY, they NEED to be physically close to their moms at that age, not a bunch of daycare germs!) to some random lady. Has NOTHING to do with being lazy.
Perhaps the OP's wife once felt content with being a stay at home mom but now that the kids are older she is simply needs something outside of the home & family to give her a sense of accomplishment.
It is a blessing to be able to stay at home with your children but it can also become somewhat isolating especially after that many years. Perhaps all the shopping with friends, choosing other activities etc is because she felt like she lost a sense of self somewhere along the way.An extreme case of burnout or even possible depression and this new life feels like freedom to her.
I do think OP's wife should be more involved with the kids. It is possible- working mom or not.
I worked with my first 3 children and am currently staying home now that we have a 4th. Right now I adore being a housewife & mom. However, I don't think I will be content once all my children are a little older. Maybe it was right for this family at one time, but not forever & I get that.
I think it's crazy women saying what the mother does in the home is just as important as what the man does. If you don't keep up with the house chores what's the worst that can happen? The clothes may not get ironed and the husband may not get dinner, but if the man messed up at work and couldn't keep up with his job then no one would bring home the bacon, and the wife and children would go hungry. The buck stops with the man and it's insane that women think housework is just as important as working for a living.
I think it's crazy women saying what the mother does in the home is just as important as what the man does.
I don't agree..
I am a man.
I guess I"m beyond crazy.... nutz I say.
I think raising a child is very important and difficult responsibility. If what you see in this discussion is a pissing contest of who is more important or who has it worse, then I would question whether or not one is fit to be in a relationship.
I think it's crazy women saying what the mother does in the home is just as important as what the man does. If you don't keep up with the house chores what's the worst that can happen? The clothes may not get ironed and the husband may not get dinner, but if the man messed up at work and couldn't keep up with his job then no one would bring home the bacon, and the wife and children would go hungry. The buck stops with the man and it's insane that women think housework is just as important as working for a living.
Did you even read the OP? It's about a lot more than "doing the house chores". His wife was doing the work of 2-3 people for nearly a decade.
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