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Hi, I'm 28 and I recently went on a date with a 34 year old guy who I met on Tinder. I know the app has a 'hookup culture' reputation to it, but from what I've heard (at least from friends here in Seattle) these days it's quite normalized and plenty of people have met serious long term partners through it. A few minutes after this guy messaged me on Tinder, I saw that he'd also somehow found/visited my OkCupid profile, and on there, everything about his profile indicated that he was looking for a long term relationship (as mine does too).
On Wednesday we had a great (altho pretty tipsy) first date over drinks. He seemed incredibly sweet and lighthearted/friendly (just as his profile indicated), was flirtatious and complimentary and was all around a nice guy. We kissed on the way out and a few times while walking, then he waited with me for my Uber. As he put me in the car, he gave me a kiss and said "see you soon?" quite sweetly. Just after the car left, I received a message from him saying he had a great time and to text him when I got home so he knew I was safe.
Over Thursday/Friday we texted, with him sending a "good morning" text, repeatedly saying he'd had a great time, and later asking if I had any big plans that weekend. I sent a (slightly delayed) response saying I didn't have anything major going on besides helping a friend move on Sunday (implying I was mostly open), he said cool and told me he was seeing friends and going to a play Saturday night. I found that so weird because I thought he was trying to see if he could set up time for a second date. It bugged me that he wasn't trying to see me again right away, but I decided to shake it off and not overthink it.
It's now Friday night and he's sent me a "Are you still awake?" text at 1:50am. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt because that same Friday morning we'd had a conversation about how we were both night owls who always stay up too late. He's not the best conversationalist by text (even before meeting him), so when I sent a really brief response to one of his texts around lunch time, he didn't follow up and that was the last I'd heard of him on Friday until the late-night text. I found this really disappointing (even before the late-night text) because to me, it just showed a lack of serious interest.
I haven't replied to the late-night text, but I'm assuming it's what it looks like: a booty call. He definitely went out and is drunk. Should I just accept that he doesn't see me as potential relationship material and move on, or should I give him the benefit of the doubt? How should I respond in the morning -- should I flat out ask him "was that a booty call?" and make it clear that's not the type of relationship I'm looking for? Or should I just not respond at all, wait for him to offer an explanation, and if he doesn't, just plain forget about him?
tl;dr - Seemingly sweet/fun nice guy sent me what I think is a booty text two days after what I thought was a great date for a potential relationship. How should I respond?
Last edited by erica1012; 07-30-2016 at 04:24 AM..
Maybe he just wanted to chat and figured you'd still be up.
I could see that if he'd been super chatty since our first date, but generally he wasn't. His text messages were enthusiastic and complimentary but short, and didn't always lead to more conversation. I figured he just wasn't the biggest texter (since he wasn't much of one even before our meeting), but now I'm wondering if he's just juggling me along with several other girls.
Well, sweetheart, we can't figure out what he wanted either.
And since you didn't answer him, guess you're going to left wondering.
Did you even read my post? I'm asking for advice on how to respond in the morning. No one outside of a situation can figure out anything, but this is an advice forum, so I'm not clear on what your point is.
My advice is that, in the future, you don't do something that leaves you in the situation you're in now.
As far as what to say now? Are you hesitant to come right out and ask if he just wanted a booty call? Do you think he'll admit it and if he denies it will you still be sure?
It's certainly a way to insult him if he did just want to connect with you.
Guess I don't have any good advice. We'll see what others say.
Did you even read my post? I'm asking for advice on how to respond in the morning. No one outside of a situation can figure out anything, but this is an advice forum, so I'm not clear on what your point is.
I would respond straight away and not wait until the morning, to see what he wants. If he was drunk and just looking for a bootie call, then at least you would know. If you wait until the morning, when he is sober again, he might backtrack and you still don't know where you stand.
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