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Looking for opinions on whether this situation can be fixed.
I've been dating a woman for about six months now. A couple of weeks ago, she had to fly back home (to a different state) for a funeral. Prior to that, we had a few arguments over relatively minor things that ended with her kicking me out of the apartment with all of my belongings. A day or two later she would call and apologize and things would be fine until the next argument.
While she was away, I got really drunk one night and sent a text message to an ex-girlfriend. The text said something along the lines of "I miss you." Big, big mistake.
Current girlfriend comes back from her trip and ex-girlfriend makes a point of contacting her (they have mutual friends) and sends her a screen shot of the text message.
All of my stuff gets thrown out on the street in shopping bags. I call her and apologize. Told her I was drunk and I didn't mean what I said. Tried sending her flowers. She gave me the silent treatment and wouldn't answer the phone.
On Sunday (two days ago), she called me and asked me to come over. She was already in bed when I got there. I crawled into the bed and tried to put my arms around her. She wouldn't let me touch her and called me a bunch of names - a**hole, douche bag, etc. Told me how much she hated me. I got up to leave and she said, "I want you to stay." So I ended up staying. She eventually let me put my arms around her and she held on to me and went to sleep. Nothing else happened.
The next morning (yesterday), she told me that it was a mistake to have me over. She said that she did not want to be second place to anyone and that she was done with me. I apologized again and asked her to reconsider. She said "Maybe we can talk later. I'm too mad to talk about this now" and then left for work. I was still in the house.
I left and went on with my day. We've talked a little by text message. She told me that she was upset with me because I wouldn't move in, and she saw that as a lack of commitment. I told her that I was scared to move in because of the fights that we had where she would kick me out and apologize the next day. If I moved in there and gave up my place, I would literally end up sleeping on the streets if that happened again. I also told her that it was a mistake to contact my ex and I did it because a) I felt really insecure about the current relationship at the time and b) I was intoxicated.
I asked her if she loved me. She said, "I love you, but my heart hurts. I need to sort out my feelings and take care of myself. I don't know what to do right now and I need time to mend."
So......let her be? Keep talking to her? My male friends say that she is just letting me down easy and I need to go no contact. My female friends say that it sounds like she is being genuine and if I give her time she will probably come around.
Big mistake moving in so fast - that manifested when you got kicked out several times, even though you ended up back there. I don't think there was nothing to the text to the ex - that's just an excuse that you were drunk.
Sure - both you and she are so wishy-washy you could spend years getting thrown out and coming back. Does that sound like fun to you? Just because she is weak (she knows what she SHOULD do) doesn't mean it's a good thing to have you back.
Why don't you be a nice guy and just end it - and avoid all contact with her and mutual friends for a good while.
I stopped reading where you got kicked out of your apartment for a minor argument. Big reaction to a small thing.
No bueno.
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Well, technically, it is her apartment and I never actually moved in to it. I lived there full-time for a few months. When we would have those fights, I would just go back to my place. But your points are well taken.
I probably should walk away, but I have feelings for the girl and she has been really good to me. We also have really good physical chemistry....
I probably should walk away, but I have feelings for the girl and she has been really good to me. We also have really good physical chemistry....
Most of us could guess that from the stuff you are putting up with. /lol
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Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Well, technically, it is her apartment and I never actually moved in to it. I lived there full-time for a few months. When we would have those fights, I would just go back to my place. But your points are well taken.
I probably should walk away, but I have feelings for the girl and she has been really good to me. We also have really good physical chemistry....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
Most of us could guess that from the stuff you are putting up with. /lol
Lol! LOTS of physical chemistry! Lol!!
OP you can do better. I would never have given her a second chance if she through my stuff out of the apartment.
Why do you want to salvage such a volatile relationship?
Outside of the sex, that is. Is it that great that you are willing to be thrown out repeatedly for the rest of your relationship?
Plus there the whole 'missing the ex-girlfriend', and excessive drinking side of it....
Is it salvageable? Yeah, probably. Buy why would you want to? Don't you have better things to do than pack/unpack/pack/unpack/pack/unpack thrown in with a whole lot of apologizing/buying flowers/telling her what a schlub you are/feeling like crap/being emotionally wrapped around her finger and subject to her whims?
Come on - there are better ways to spend your time - for example pulling out your fingernails with a pair of pliers. That certainly sounds a lot more fun than the above, doesn't it?
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