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I've considered writing this post for a few months and haven't. I've had a little to drink tonight, and I guess it's given me some liquid courage to finally do so. Please be honest with me.
I've been married fifteen years. I find my wife incredibly attractive, but since my daughter's conception (second child, conceived April 1st 2014), we've had sex fewer than 10 times.
She has multiple sclerosis. We met in 1998 - I proposed to her in 2000 and we married in 2001. She was diagnosed in 2008 and we had our first child in 2011.
She is high functioning enough to still work 40 hours a week (she's a teacher so she undoubtedly actually "works" more than that), but she's definitely slowing down.
Before MS, I could bring my wife to orgasm every single time. The disease has made that a very rare situation now, however - - I might be able to do that 10% of the time now.
Whether that's the reason or not, her interest in sex has dropped precipitously. It is incredibly hard to get her to do anything with me anymore. The sexual encounters that we have has to be when she's in the mood with tons of foreplay. I love foreplay, but it's a low probability random event if she'll be into it anymore.
I won't leave her - - I truly believe in "for better or worse", but my pleading for years has not made her receptive of my needs (I'm 45 and haven't lost any of my libido).
What would you do if you were me? As I said, I won't divorce her - - but would you cheat? And if that's the case, do you think I should tell her ahead of time? I've asked over and over again for her to be more receptive of my needs but any response is immediate and usually dismissed.
Please be honest - - even if you think I'm a complete *******.
How can you believe in "for better or worse" but contemplate on cheating?
Personally, betraying my spouse and children who I claim to love isn't an option, and makes no sense.
Thanks for your response.
I'm not sure. Is not getting a response from my wife about my needs equal to cheating on her secretly? As I said, I'd never leave her (and who knows what MS will require me to do eventually).
I don't know if I can spend the rest of my life masturbating as my sexual release. In your (or any other poster's) opinion, is that too selfish? I've never cheated on her for the 19 years we've know each other.
I'm sure your wife has a lot on her plate, not to sound trite. Have you spoken to her about your thoughts, treading very, very carefully, of course? Listen, I will not to pretend to understand what either of you are going through, and I certainly won't make you feel guilty about being young and wanting physical intimacy, something most people need and desire. I will caution you though against doing anything foolish, like cheating. Regrets are a difficult thing to live with, but I would think more so with an ill spouse with basically a terrible death sentence in front of her at such a young age. Speak with her, talk about your concerns, needs, desires. If all else fails, you have a computer, take care of yourself. Best of luck.
I'm not sure. Is not getting a response from my wife about my needs equal to cheating on her secretly? As I said, I'd never leave her (and who knows what MS will require me to do eventually).
I don't know if I can spend the rest of my life masturbating as my sexual release. In your (or any other poster's) opinion, is that too selfish? I've never cheated on her for the 19 years we've know each other.
Tough situation (I'm trying to put myself in your shoes).
My next step (if i were in your shoes) is to try professional marriage counseling; since you cant seem to effectively communicate with your wife.
You say you've tried to talk to her about this and get nowhere. Seems this is pretty one-sided when it comes to solving the problem.
Intercourse can be a whole lot more than having an orgasm. I certainly recall times when I wasn't particularly interested but still agreed because the feelings of closeness ,intimacy and love was still pleasurable.
I have a friend who says she never has an orgasm but has a FB she sees just because of all the other good things that come with it are concerned.
Unless it is painful for your wife, she is being extremely selfish.
What you can do about this, I have to admit, I don't know....perhaps counseling would get her to see that a resolution has to be found or she has to agree that you can have a 'girlfriend".
I've considered writing this post for a few months and haven't. I've had a little to drink tonight, and I guess it's given me some liquid courage to finally do so. Please be honest with me.
I've been married fifteen years. I find my wife incredibly attractive, but since my daughter's conception (second child, conceived April 1st 2014), we've had sex fewer than 10 times.
She has multiple sclerosis. We met in 1998 - I proposed to her in 2000 and we married in 2001. She was diagnosed in 2008 and we had our first child in 2011.
She is high functioning enough to still work 40 hours a week (she's a teacher so she undoubtedly actually "works" more than that), but she's definitely slowing down.
Before MS, I could bring my wife to orgasm every single time. The disease has made that a very rare situation now, however - - I might be able to do that 10% of the time now.
Whether that's the reason or not, her interest in sex has dropped precipitously. It is incredibly hard to get her to do anything with me anymore. The sexual encounters that we have has to be when she's in the mood with tons of foreplay. I love foreplay, but it's a low probability random event if she'll be into it anymore.
I won't leave her - - I truly believe in "for better or worse", but my pleading for years has not made her receptive of my needs (I'm 45 and haven't lost any of my libido).
What would you do if you were me? As I said, I won't divorce her - - but would you cheat? And if that's the case, do you think I should tell her ahead of time? I've asked over and over again for her to be more receptive of my needs but any response is immediate and usually dismissed.
Please be honest - - even if you think I'm a complete *******.
If that's the case and you don't want to leave her, then yes it sounds to me like you're going to have to get sex elsewhere. Yes, you can give her a heads up that you HAVE to get sex from somewhere since she's refusing it and see if she prefers that you divorce her first.
Like others have said, you need to develop better communication skills. Counseling could certainly help.
Another possibility is her meds may be affecting her libido. She should discuss this with her doctor. Of course, for this to happen, you would have to have communication with her on a level higher than "I'm horny and need sex".
How about some compassion for her condition, and try to resolve this issue thru communication? I can't imagine its fun for her. I'm guessing you had a fulfilling sex life before her illness.
By your math, she has had less than 1 orgasm in two years, yet you have had somewhere around 10 (by your count). Open honest and loving communication with her and try to resolve this for her.
I won't leave her - - I truly believe in "for better or worse", but my pleading for years has not made her receptive of my needs (I'm 45 and haven't lost any of my libido).
I've asked over and over again for her to be more receptive of my needs but any response is immediate and usually dismissed.
Seems people responding are missing or ignoring this part
I agree with the other poster. If it isn't painful then she should 'render the due.' If not then she is being incredibly selfish.
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