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So my husband and I have been married 23 years, we have three children, 21, 17, and 16. After our third I suggested he should get a vasectomy but he said he didn't want to because the thought made him feel "less of a man" I realize I could have hady tubes tied but I was worried about complications and other issues.
Anyway we still used condoms I did take birth control earlier in my life but they made things worse and did try multiple kinds. Three weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. When I told my husband he got furious saying "you can't be pregnant!" and when I showed him the multiple pregnancy tests he said "well you are going to get an abortion!"
I admit part of this is my fault for not getting my tubes tied but part is also his for not getting a vasectomy. Now when it comes to getting an abortion while I will not judge those that do the thought terrifies me. Aside from possible complications the nature of it personally bothers me. When I voiced my concerns to my husband he blew them off and told me to get one asap.
I'm sorry you are facing this. Your husband may think an abortion is the answer but that doesn't mean it is the answer for you. He cannot force you to have an abortion.
This decision is a hard one. You need support, someone to talk to, let you "think outloud", let you have a sounding board. Could be another family member? Or a counselor?
(((Hug))) Take care of yourself and reach out for support you deserve.
First of all, do you have a good marriage? If not, then you have some serious thinking to do about whether you want to stay with your husband or not.
I think you need to seek a doctor's opinion immediately to know if your health will be jeopardized if you continue with the pregnancy. It might not matter to you to have a healthy child or not, but I'm sure you know that there are tests you can take to see if your baby has health problems because of your age (not that you are old)
If you should decide to abort or even give the child away for adoption, then you also have to realize that you will most likely have depression problems and might always be bitter towards your husband for forcing the issue. I have a friend who aborted in her teens. She still cries about it and she's in her 50's. Just realize that guilt can very well follow you throughout your life afterwards. If you decide to keep it, are you willing to be the one who raises it if your husband doesn't warm up to the idea?
If you have a good marriage, then you and your hubby need to seek a counsellor to help decide what you are going to do. He is probably scared of the costs of raising another child and the age you will both be when this child turns 20. Will you both be capable of handling the difficult teenage years when you are nearing 60? Unfortunately, you don't have much time to make this decision because I'm sure you realize that abortions get more complicated as the fetus grows larger/older.
You have a lot to think about honey and I wish you luck, whatever your decisions are. No one can tell you what to do.
What I have heard is that later-in-life children are often the most wonderful thing to ever happen to parents. They are like little angels brought to you later in life.
I am so sorry you are going through this, it is a difficult thing. Seek counseling as soon as possible even if your husband won't go. If you have the abortion because of him, you will resent him the rest of your life together, however I understand where he is coming from also. You are both almost finished with childrearing and then oops. Can you start all over again? Could you carry the baby and give it up to a childless couple? If you choose the abortion do you live where you can have it done very early?
You have a lot of decisions to make, none of them easy. I will pray you make the right decision for you and your family.
From what you've said, he is incredibly insensitive! This is a very tough spot to be in. Given your views on abortion, you will regret it if you allow your husband to pressure you into it. Your husband seems to feel very strongly about this for some reason. Why is that? Does he not want to be an older father? Why is he SO against it? You have 3 other children together. Something else is going on here that he is not saying. Get to the bottom of it. Don't let him pressure you into something that you won't be able to forgive yourself for. This is your body. He's an ass. I don't care for him. Ugh. lol
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