Possible to Have Happy Relationship with No Marriage Paper? (boyfriend, woman, love)

[wonderman65]

Someone once told me that marriage is all for the woman, so that she gets half your stuff if you decide to leave her. I was thinking, the title "married" probably doesn't make the relationship much stronger. That title doesn't substitute for honesty, care, and a good relationship in general.

So, what's the point of a man getting married? Why not just have a main BAE. It's less dramatic, too, if the two of you want to split. No anger over who gets what stuff. Less obligation and more of an "at will" type of agreement.

When you get hired at a company, often it's contract, or permanent, but never "for life".

50% of all marriages fail so you can't act like the current tradition works for everyone.

[funymann]

I hear you Brother but I'm gunna take a step back now and let our female posters have at you.

Bu-bye

[mishigas73]

Originally Posted by wonderman65

Someone once told me that marriage is all for the woman, so that she gets half your stuff if you decide to leave her.

Simply put, if one is in a place where assets acquired during the marriage are split, gender is irrelevant.

(Hopefully to put this idea to bed at least for the moment...) No, getting divorced does not mean "losing half your stuff".

Originally Posted by wonderman65

I was thinking, the title "married" probably doesn't make the relationship much stronger. That title doesn't substitute for honesty, care, and a good relationship in general.

Certainly, a relationship does not automatically become empirically "better" once the parties are married.

With that said, lots of people (of all genders) do place importance on marriage. For whatever reasons they have, it is important to them.

Originally Posted by wonderman65

So, what's the point of a man getting married? Why not just have a main BAE. It's less dramatic, too, if the two of you want to split. No anger over who gets what stuff. Less obligation and more of an "at will" type of agreement.

Lots of people (of all genders) want to have obligation. They want to be in a position where one or both parties have to think twice before scurrying off at the first sign of trouble.

Personally, I'm not sure that I will get married, but I would not be running at the chance to be with someone who was not committed to being with me through good and bad.

Originally Posted by wonderman65

50% of all marriages fail so you can't act like the current tradition works for everyone.

Who has claimed that it does?

Seriously, if you want a "main BAE", get one. Be on the same page with the expectations for the relationship and have at it. Who's stopping you?

[The Dissenter]

Gay couples have been having happy relationships without the piece of paper forever. Just find someone who don't want marriage and be mindful of common law marriage laws in your state.

[Ginge McFantaPants]

As long as both partners are okay with not being legally married, then I think it's fine. Interestingly, an older couple I know has been together for almost 40 years, and he is caring for her at home during her final stages of Alzheimer's. i assumed they were married, but they actually aren't; he didn't believe in marriage and she had been through a messy divorce already. They are both content to keep things as they are.

[ecvMatt]

I find it a little sad that the be all end all goal of love is the ability to buy a license from the govt.

[jaminhealth]

It's true I've read stories about many gay couples being together for decades and no legal paper. Now today some are getting married for the death benefit thing when the mates die.

I had one marriage and that was ENOUGH. No more, live with if one wants to but that legal stuff....scarey.

Many norweigen countries are not big on marriage.

So many want that "white picket fence" experience. See the movie The War of The Roses.

[BellaLind]

People do it all the time.

I have no intention of getting married or even moving in with a man. The only way I would consider it would be to start a family or as a trade off. That said, I can't have kids so that's out the door. As far as a trade off... My boyfriend is older than I am and he talks about when he retires and travels the county. He hints that he wants me to go. If we last that long and if he wants me to go, I'd need to quit work late in life but before I could collect my 401k or Roth. It puts me in a finacial pickel. Well, I'd gladly travel with him if he offered to marry me because then I could still have health benefits and if something happened to him and he got sick I could take care of both of us (I'd have the legal right to). And if he suddenly dies, I won't be older and unemployable with no means of support.

There would be an upside for him too. If die before he does, he gets my money (while he's older, I currently have more saved than he does). And he'd also be able to care for me if I become hospital mixed etc.

But that's a lot of ifs and what ifs. At this point I'm fine with the way things are.

[wonderman65]

Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete

As long as both partners are okay with not being legally married, then I think it's fine. Interestingly, an older couple I know has been together for almost 40 years, and he is caring for her at home during her final stages of Alzheimer's. i assumed they were married, but they actually aren't; he didn't believe in marriage and she had been through a messy divorce already. They are both content to keep things as they are.

That's romantic. Reminds me of The Notebook a little, though..

[NYtoNJtoPA]

If you're not married I think you keep the excitement going. Both sides work a little harder to keep things good because both know the other can leave at any time. You're not bound in a legal contract so you don't fall into any sort of complacency.