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OP I had great luck with eHarmony and met my wonderful wife and I have never been happier. If I can give you a piece of advice. I was 60 when we met, divorced for 10 years. I was so far out of the loop I was in outer space. I quickly learned to divorce myself from the process and not care, otherwise the roller coaster of emotions could have killed me. I had my answers to the eHarmony questions on a word processor and cut and pasted them. I went out on dates with various women on eHarmony. and was dumped by a serial dater who met someone she liked in HS 30 years ago and wanted to see if "the spark was still there". One woman called me from 200 miles away and told me I was crazy. Did I get bummed out, nope I just moved on to the next. I was practicing my dating skills. I met a fair amount of women and got dumped a few times and broke things off a few times. I kept learning from my mistakes (and they were legion). When I met the "one" it was perfect and has been ever since. (going on 7 years, married for 5). I can tell you take this too personally by saying the first one was too young and the second didn't communicate properly. Its tough to get rejected and we try all kinds of tricks to justify it but in the end its a learning experience. You have been away from dating for a lot of years, and divorce really knocks the cr** out of your self esteem. My advice is just to not take it so seriously and just go for a good time build up your skills and one the right one comes along you will not have these issues like you did with these 2. Good Luck.
This is a great post! To add one thought, the OP may also need to re-evaluate his expectations because women are going to respond, communicate and interact the way they do, and may not and do not have to conduct themselves according to his standards. The dating process is easier if you can roll with things rather than be rigid.
I was going to respond to ellie's comment about seeming like an aspie, which is amusing but also not too far off the mark. I think my social skills, or lack thereof, are more of a product of my upbringing and less a congenital disorder. My father, like me, is an academic and doesn't really have an 'off' button for his focus and intensity. He is a truly obsessive person. So naturally, some of those traits are going to be passed onto me.
Liberty2011, I went back and read post #152 where I commented on my intensity and how I worked on it through counseling. I do believe I made a lot of progress, my therapist agreed. At some point we have to simply attribute certain quirks to being a part of our personality. A personality evolves over time and after 45 years well, this is what you get. That's not a refusal to change, it's simply an acceptance of my own identity. My intensity is something I've always wrestled with and during my marriage I tried to completely eliminate it as it was blamed for being the source of all my exwife's problems.
At the end of the day, I need to believe that there is at least one person out there who appreciates me for who I am, not for who they want me to be. And really, I know they're out there because I've met them.
I don't mean to change the topic from K to someone else but, I'm currently...as I type this...chatting with another woman on eharmony. It's rare that a woman actually responds to one of my messages so this is sort of exciting. And she's quick to respond which I love! Her name is J and she's only 30. Should I even bother trying to meet her? 15 year age difference and most likely a considerable gap in perspicacity. So far my approach has been one of complete directness. No banter at all. I think she likes the challenge. She seems defensive though.
I don't mean to change the topic from K to someone else but, I'm currently...as I type this...chatting with another woman on eharmony. It's rare that a woman actually responds to one of my messages so this is sort of exciting. And she's quick to respond which I love! Her name is J and she's only 30. Should I even bother trying to meet her? 15 year age difference and most likely a considerable gap in perspicacity. So far my approach has been one of complete directness. No banter at all. I think she likes the challenge. She seems defensive though.
I would not meet her, given your feelings about the "gap in perspicacity". You are already judging her.
I don't mean to change the topic from K to someone else but, I'm currently...as I type this...chatting with another woman on eharmony. It's rare that a woman actually responds to one of my messages so this is sort of exciting. And she's quick to respond which I love! Her name is J and she's only 30. Should I even bother trying to meet her? 15 year age difference and most likely a considerable gap in perspicacity. So far my approach has been one of complete directness. No banter at all. I think she likes the challenge. She seems defensive though.
I would meet her and keep an open mind. You don't have anything to lose other than 1hour at most and 5 bucks for a drink. It might also help you to stop obsessing over k.
Most people as they get older, will know themselves better so the age difference is not as much of a big deal. The difference between a 30y.o dating a 45 y.o is remarkably different to a 20y.o dating a 35y.o in terms of life experience IMO.
I would not meet her, given your feelings about the "gap in perspicacity". You are already judging her.
Just presumptions based on a lot of experience interacting with her age group.
I told J that she has unrealistic expectations regarding her desire to find a man who will move to Southeast Asia with her for a year to travel. She said she wants to leave by the end of the year. I told her she would be better off on a travel forum than eharmony. She called me narrow minded. We're still chatting though. I think she's warming up to me. Maybe not.
Just presumptions based on a lot of experience interacting with her age group.
I told J that she has unrealistic expectations regarding her desire to find a man who will move to Southeast Asia with her for a year to travel. She said she wants to leave by the end of the year. I told her she would be better off on a travel forum than eharmony. She called me narrow minded. We're still chatting though. I think she's warming up to me. Maybe not.
OP, give it up and move on to someone more appropriate. Why would you want her to warm up to you? Why spend another minute on this? She's 30. She's at an age when people want to travel. Apparently she has a break in her employment that will allow for that. You're at a completely different stage in your life. Plus, you're already insulting each other. How could you possibly take this as serious dating potential? OY!
Are you really that desperate for female attention and validation? That is how you're coming across, I'm sad to say. You can do so much better than this!
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