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So I saw a girl last Wednesday that used to be the girlfriend of one of my best friends, then and now. They have not been together for over 10 years. I saw her initially at the bar and we talked for a bit as we haven't seen each other in about a decade. I'm playing music as it's open mic night in between talking to her. As expected, my buddy comes to the bar also. It's a smaller city where everyone knows everyone. Everything's fine and everyone's having a good time. Before this girl leaves, she comes over to get my number as I'm playing percussion. She kisses me on the lips after getting my number then leaves. As it's late, my friend offered for me to sleep over at his house as we closed the bar and I had equipment there.
A couple days later, I have a date with this girl. We had a great time. Went out to dinner. Later when out to a lounge bar. Had a really nice night. Made out for 45 minutes or so.
Communication has been good. Pretty constant overall. I noticed though I didn't hear anything from her really the past day or so, and I got a bit worried. It was uncharacteristic of her.
But I get a text today.
She says that my friend/ her ex has been somehow (she didn't explain how) been spreading word around town (she says she has friends that told her) that she only came to me after not being successful with him. She was upset and hinted something along the lines of not needing the drama of it all. Now I'm a little pissed at my buddy at the moment, but I have no idea what or how it was actually said.
My reply was basically I think as most would say, that it's nobody business but ours what we're doing and to not pay attention to the high school drama. They've been separated over 10 years and what she does is none of his business. I then suggested we go out again. She mentioned how she was upset about the entire thing.
This will be interesting. I currently want to punch a hole through my buddies head. I've never had anything but respect for his girlfriends and relationships.
She stated she didn't want to get in between our friendship, but I responded basically IF this gets between our friendship it's entirely on him due to this escapade.
Thoughts from the peanut gallery?
I will be talking about this subtly to him the next time we meet. I do run the risk of punching him square in the face though if he gets lippy. It's not everyday I meet a girl I feel I could be compatible with that could maybe develop into a relationship. This jack azz has a girlfriend. What's it to him? Or her? I think his gf likes to put fuel on the fire.
And who knows, ultimately if it is true. Maybe I was just the guy to get the ex jealous. I just don't know ultimately.
For the record, I've been out of the area for about 5 years.
Ehh.. Never a good idea to date a best friend's ex. You eventually have to choose which one you'd rather have in your life.
Yes if they are recently separated. I see the problem.
This has been over a decade. Early twenties to mid thirties. Life has changed. She has two kids with another guy even. He's since slept with half the population of the town.
I don't see any justification for the drama. All the petty high school gossip is uncalled for.
Nah, that's not how that works, dude. You can't permanently reserve a chick and say "bros before ..." If the guy is dating the chick, then it's off limits. That's what that means. If they're broken up and it's recent, then you ask if he's OK with it. If it's been a decade, then all bets are off. Obviously if the other dude is crying on his shoulder every night about her, that's different, but I didn't get a sense of that from the story.
I think this chick is trying to spread bad rumors and create a firestorm between you and your friend.
Honestly here, you're telling us that she said that he said bad things/spreading rumors. So, it's all hearsay.
One thing to keep in mind: Never accept third party information. Ever. The "he said/she said" b.s. will get you nowhere. I'd go directly to your buddy and hash things out. Pronto. And if this girl is discovered to be a rumor monger, tell her to go pound sand and never speak to or acknowledge her again.
That goes for your friend, too. By that I mean he should also tell her where to get off.
Why don't you ask your friend directly? Pick up the phone and find out if he minds you dating his ex. Explain that you really like her.
This is my suggestion, also. As of right now, all you have is second hand information from her. And you're already ready to murder your buddy. That's not cool. Just pick up the phone and have a normal conversation with him and find out what was said and by whom. There's no reason to go flying off the handle until you get some more information and then once you find out, then deal with it accordingly whether it's to break up with her cause she lied or tell your buddy he's being ridiculous cause the relationship has been over for so long.
She says that my friend/ her ex has been somehow (she didn't explain how) been spreading word around town (she says she has friends that told her) that she only came to me after not being successful with him. She was upset and hinted something along the lines of not needing the drama of it all.
Yet, she seems to want to feed the drama.
Whatever happens as a result of this, it's good that you get to see this now, before things become serious. This is part of her personality and will not be resolved with a wedding ring, if you had planned to go that route.
We all have parts of ourselves that want to hold on to our youth. As we mature into adults, not all areas mature at the same rate. So, the question for you is, how does this affect the way you think/feel about her, moving forward?
I currently want to punch a hole through my buddies head.
This shows you are not mature enough to handle this situation.
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