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I decided to join a forum because I don't have anyone to go to with this kind of thing. Hopefully I can at least commiserate with someone.
I'm a man in my mid 30s. I am very successful in my career and have no children. I am completely independent. These things have all happened to me within the last 5 years of my life. I love my life, I can honestly say this for the first time in 10 years or so. Before all of this, I spent about 5 years almost reclusively living through a series of life changing events and being nearly killed by a drunk driver and having to learn to walk again.
Now that my life is together again, I am working on my health. Admittedly, through the frustration and anger I worked through, I stopped taking care of myself. I admit it. But I want to be better so I'm working out trying to fix things.
The reason I joined this forum is, as I mentioned previously, I don't have people to talk to about this- but I am so ridiculously into this amazing woman at work. I don't know what to do with myself.
THE STORY:
About 3 years ago, she began at my job. We met right away and got a chance to meet early on. I was immediately smitten. If I can describe her, she's a country girl, through and through. She's so super intelligent and so well versed about the world. I love her education. For the first time that I can remember in my life, I just want to sit and listen to a woman talk for hours. About quite literally anything. She knows so much about art and talks to me about history. We talk politics and cinema. I am a science buff, so she asks me many questions and I feel so ridiculously proud that she has an interest in what I have to say. She's just unfairly beautiful to me. She would not be what you'd consider "conventional" beautiful- I say this to say that she's not some social media attention beauty or anything like that. She loves to travel and visit museums. She is very modest in the way she dresses and even speaks. One of the humble people I have ever met.
I WENT FOR IT:
When I had known her for a year, I invited her to a museum display that I wanted to attend. And to be honest, I oversold it to overplay the importance of it to get her to buy in. And she did! We went and checked out the show, and we went and had tacos at this quaint little taqueria. I don't know what on earth possessed me to try it, but that night I told her that I was into her. She did not reciprocate. That's ok, right? I get it. But for weeks, I would go home after work feeling sick to my stomach. I'd lay in bed and play catch with the ceiling and listen to music regretting being born. I even considered leaving my job.
I don't know how, but somehow I got over it. But unfortunately, things go weird. We seemed to avoid each other and I legitimately considered apologizing until I talked sense into myself. Why should I apologize for appreciating someone so amazing.
FAST FORWARD TWO YEARS TO THE PRESENT:
I have no clue how it happened, but little by little, we began to talk and be friendly again. Currently, we have been working from home since March due to the pandemic. I've begun to notice that she reaches out everyday via work chat and we spend our work day shooting ideas and jokes and general conversation back and forth. We talk about everything from the news, to politics, to just general joking and razzing each other. Every time we talk, I just want to -- I don't know what the hell I want. I'm just so happy that I'm talking to her. I finish working before she does- so whatever we are chatting about continues into the evening because she will initiate the continuation of the conversation via text. Sometimes to 10pm, 11, 12, as late as 1am.
Sometimes every once in a while I get paranoid and I will text her something like "hey, maybe you should get some rest. I will get out of your way- you have been working pretty hard." (she has a very demanding position). And she ALWAYS returns a message to the effect of, "it's ok. Stick around. I'm just (whatever activity she's multitasking while chatting me with)".
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM:
There are times when I want to tell her so bad that I would like to have a shot with her. But I did it before and I feel like it almost cost us our friendship. So I am scared. And conversely, I wonder if she has developed any sense of interest in me. And if this is the case, maybe I'm blowing it by not making some kind of move. And there is a 3rd side of me that makes me feel like perhaps I'm overthinking everything and/or blowing everything out of proportion.
It hurts, legitimately, when you are legit in love with someone and you can't say it. Its never happened to me to this degree where I'm legitimately grateful that we were born in the same time frame of each other. As unfair as it sounds, she very well may be some kind of measuring stick that I use to measure women in my life going forward, as detrimental as I understand that could be.
I don't even know what I'm asking/IF I'm asking for anything here. I just need to talk about her or get this off my chest. To anyone who got this far, thanks for reading it. Peace of mind to everyone.
I decided to join a forum because I don't have anyone to go to with this kind of thing. Hopefully I can at least commiserate with someone.
Spoiler
I'm a man in my mid 30s. I am very successful in my career and have no children. I am completely independent. These things have all happened to me within the last 5 years of my life. I love my life, I can honestly say this for the first time in 10 years or so. Before all of this, I spent about 5 years almost reclusively living through a series of life changing events and being nearly killed by a drunk driver and having to learn to walk again.
Now that my life is together again, I am working on my health. Admittedly, through the frustration and anger I worked through, I stopped taking care of myself. I admit it. But I want to be better so I'm working out trying to fix things.
The reason I joined this forum is, as I mentioned previously, I don't have people to talk to about this- but I am so ridiculously into this amazing woman at work. I don't know what to do with myself.
THE STORY:
About 3 years ago, she began at my job. We met right away and got a chance to meet early on. I was immediately smitten. If I can describe her, she's a country girl, through and through. She's so super intelligent and so well versed about the world. I love her education. For the first time that I can remember in my life, I just want to sit and listen to a woman talk for hours. About quite literally anything. She knows so much about art and talks to me about history. We talk politics and cinema. I am a science buff, so she asks me many questions and I feel so ridiculously proud that she has an interest in what I have to say. She's just unfairly beautiful to me. She would not be what you'd consider "conventional" beautiful- I say this to say that she's not some social media attention beauty or anything like that. She loves to travel and visit museums. She is very modest in the way she dresses and even speaks. One of the humble people I have ever met.
I WENT FOR IT:
When I had known her for a year, I invited her to a museum display that I wanted to attend. And to be honest, I oversold it to overplay the importance of it to get her to buy in. And she did! We went and checked out the show, and we went and had tacos at this quaint little taqueria. I don't know what on earth possessed me to try it, but that night I told her that I was into her. She did not reciprocate. That's ok, right? I get it. But for weeks, I would go home after work feeling sick to my stomach. I'd lay in bed and play catch with the ceiling and listen to music regretting being born. I even considered leaving my job.
I don't know how, but somehow I got over it. But unfortunately, things go weird. We seemed to avoid each other and I legitimately considered apologizing until I talked sense into myself. Why should I apologize for appreciating someone so amazing.
FAST FORWARD TWO YEARS TO THE PRESENT:
I have no clue how it happened, but little by little, we began to talk and be friendly again. Currently, we have been working from home since March due to the pandemic. I've begun to notice that she reaches out everyday via work chat and we spend our work day shooting ideas and jokes and general conversation back and forth. We talk about everything from the news, to politics, to just general joking and razzing each other. Every time we talk, I just want to -- I don't know what the hell I want. I'm just so happy that I'm talking to her. I finish working before she does- so whatever we are chatting about continues into the evening because she will initiate the continuation of the conversation via text. Sometimes to 10pm, 11, 12, as late as 1am.
Sometimes every once in a while I get paranoid and I will text her something like "hey, maybe you should get some rest. I will get out of your way- you have been working pretty hard." (she has a very demanding position). And she ALWAYS returns a message to the effect of, "it's ok. Stick around. I'm just (whatever activity she's multitasking while chatting me with)".
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM:
There are times when I want to tell her so bad that I would like to have a shot with her. But I did it before and I feel like it almost cost us our friendship. So I am scared. And conversely, I wonder if she has developed any sense of interest in me. And if this is the case, maybe I'm blowing it by not making some kind of move. And there is a 3rd side of me that makes me feel like perhaps I'm overthinking everything and/or blowing everything out of proportion.
It hurts, legitimately, when you are legit in love with someone and you can't say it. Its never happened to me to this degree where I'm legitimately grateful that we were born in the same time frame of each other. As unfair as it sounds, she very well may be some kind of measuring stick that I use to measure women in my life going forward, as detrimental as I understand that could be.
I don't even know what I'm asking/IF I'm asking for anything here. I just need to talk about her or get this off my chest. To anyone who got this far, thanks for reading it. Peace of mind to everyone.
Aww, that "first date" would've sound sweet if it did go your way. Too bad. Unfortunately, we don't know what's her intention. It's possible that she may now like you that way, but... The ball is in her court and she should be the one to make the move. You've already tried and she just may still not be interested but appreciates the friendship. Just keep living your life but do be open to other ladies. They might surprise you too.
It sounds like you have a beautiful friendship and I think you have fairly high risk of a repeat of the weirdness situation if you have the feelings discussion again. If this was meant to turn into a romantic relationship, it should have happened organically by now (that is my initial thought, but continue reading).
I think she truly appreciates you as a very close friend, and I'm sure the pandemic situation has made that bond even stronger.
But here is where my advice could be wrong. When she didn't originally reciprocate about your feelings, is it possible that maybe she is just extremely uncomfortable and/or inexperienced with romantic relationships? Do you know enough about her past to have some insight into that? I'm just thinking there is a possibility that she didn't shoot you down back then and that maybe she just felt too awkward about it because she does like you that way. If that is the case then maybe it is worth revisiting again.
This is so sweet. I really feel for you even though you are a brand new member & I don't "know" you.
I really wonder if she does like you now, due to her not terminating the conversations, even when you give her an easy out. I know, as a female that although I am polite to men who reach out on social media, I never just desire to go on & on. I'd have to like them first.
OP, she knows you like her. You don't have to tell her again. So all you can do is wait for her to take a move, or to make an obvious signal. I know that sounds torturous, to have to sit more or less passively by, waiting for her to take a step in the right direction, so to speak, but I don't see that you have any other choice, really. You already confessed your feelings once. Once is enough.She knows.
Yeah.. I wouldn't do that if I was you. She might not take kindly to your sexual interest in her and she might report you to Human Resources, or she's already in a relationship and she mentions your existence and your interest in her to a boyfriend and he might beat you up.
Or, she just wants to work, make money, and doesn't want to date anyone in the workplace, as it gets uncomfortable for either when the relationship ends, usually not on friendlly terms.
I've been interested in women who worked with me. What I did was, I wanted for them to have their contracts terminated, or for them to find better jobs, and then I would strike a conversation with them via facebook and then go from there.
Meet women outside of your job, man. You need that job, you don't need a relationship that badly no matter how ''special'' this person might be. Dating apps, online dating, match-making agencies, or just talk to women in bookstores and coffee shops.
I say tell her again. Then you'll know your answer once and for all and then can proceed one way or another, either with her or without her. Having a "what if" like this isn't worth it, you'll always wonder and that isn't healthy. So, get your answer. If this was a simple crush, sure, whatever. But it seems like you have STRONG feelings for her and it's going to eat you alive if you don't get it off your chest. Just my opinion. I was in the same boat years ago. It was a little more complicated though, but that's a different story. Anyways, I told her how I felt, it didn't work out. However, I am happy I can look back and say at least I tried. Had I not tried, I'd still be sitting here thinking "Hmm what if I just would have went for it?" and that sounds miserable.
Are you actually being her friend? I'm not so sure because you have an ulterior motive here by hoping for more than friendship.
You showed interest and ended up derailing your connection with her. Working from home, as I've been doing for a few months, can feel quite isolating, so it's not unusual to chat with a coworker to keep those connections to the outside world.
I don't believe you can be in love with someone who isn't returning your affections, and I think it's your responsibility to "get over it", without burdening her any further. I mean no offence, and I'm speaking to more than just you, but I truly don't understand grown adults who spend years crushing on people who aren't reciprocating interest. This is something teenagers do, and grow out of, IMO.
I say, don't tell her your feelings, but ask her to do something with you. In these pandemic times, a lot of things I'd suggest, you can't do. But maybe when the 2 of you are just conversing, say something like "These 4 walls are driving me crazy! Hey, why don't you and me go for a ride this Sunday? We could ride up to (maybe a historical landmark?), then grab some lunch, and head back."
Don't say or hint about anything romantic. Just enjoy her company for now, and allow her to enjoy yours.
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