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Old 12-04-2016, 10:18 AM
 
21 posts, read 13,570 times
Reputation: 10

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Hi all,

I've just returned home after seeing my long distance boyfriend for a few days. I'm 18 and he's 27. We met on an online game this time last year and started to grow really close this summer. I've never felt so close to anyone in my life. We've spoken online for several hours every single day since July and met in person for the first time in October. He had only just broken up with his girlfriend a couple of weeks before we met, so we didn't become a couple until recently. He's been such a gentleman knowing I'm so much younger than him and still a virgin, and has said he wants to take things slow because he respects me so much.

I was worried about us getting together so quickly so soon after ending things with his girlfriend because he was with her for such a long time and she was closer to his age, but he managed to make me feel so much better and ease my worries. He said he had been unhappy with his girlfriend for a very long time and had fallen out of love and that I'm the one he loves. Apparently she was completely selfish and possessive of him. It made him miserable and he could never have a life outside of her. She used him and neglected him.

I had such a lovely time with my boyfriend the last few days. Saturday we arranged to go out with one of his friends who I also know from the online game we play together. My boyfriend asked me to text his friend to let him know he was running late, so I grabbed his phone and did so. I was so upset and shocked at what I then saw...

His ex girlfriends name was quite high up in his list of text messages. I knew they were still talking — my boyfriend made me aware of this and said she's been having a hard time with the break up and pestering him a lot because she knows he's with me now. However, when I saw the most recent message under her name I quickly became aware this wasn't what was going on... My heart was racing and I panicked, my emotions got the better of me, so I clicked her name and saw my boyfriend had sent her loads of texts without a response from her. The last message she actually sent to him was 3 weeks ago. She told him she couldn't be friends with him because she loved him too much but she would be fine, and told him not to worry about her and that she just wanted him to be happy even if it couldn't be with her. He has sent her like 5 text messages since with no response from her at all... He was saying he hoped she was okay, that he really missed her and their time together, talking with her and hanging out with her, and that he thought the world of her and always would.

I don't know what to do or even think. I didn't tell him I saw the messages as it's just so wrong and inappropriate that I looked in the first place, and I just want to pretend I never did... It was so hard being around him the rest of the weekend, but we've been talking online all day together and he seems happy and so am I. I love him so much. What he said to his ex is still in the back of my mind though and it's really upsetting me. I'm so shocked because he seems so happy with me and I thought he was totally over her. What do you guys think?
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Old 12-04-2016, 10:24 AM
 
525 posts, read 660,312 times
Reputation: 1616
You both need to be honest with each other. You about the snooping, him abut the contact with ex. No GOOD relationship should be built on mistrust and lies.
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Old 12-04-2016, 10:25 AM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
8,923 posts, read 7,719,216 times
Reputation: 16662
Hmmm....I would ask him about it.

Personally I wouldn't have looked through their messages but the impulse was strong I guess.
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Old 12-04-2016, 10:31 AM
 
Location: SoCal
20,160 posts, read 12,756,236 times
Reputation: 16993
I dont think those messages raise any suspicion about your bf. He would let you use his phone otherwise. It's typical things people say to ease the pain after breaking up.
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Old 12-04-2016, 10:45 AM
 
Location: Dallas Texas
1,265 posts, read 971,188 times
Reputation: 2440
Let it go, hes still healing from the end of it as well. You came into this knowing the break up was fresh. If you can't handle it, let him go or be the best girlfriend ever to where there's no way in hell he would ever want to go back to her.
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Old 12-04-2016, 10:56 AM
 
Location: U.S.A.
19,706 posts, read 20,240,448 times
Reputation: 28950
He's 27 and you are 18. You're the little rebound chic. Basically, a long distance side-chic to an emotionally unavailable man.

It's right there in your face so don't make excuses or invent reasons to wait around while he secretly pines over "Her".

You either accept being 2nd best, or grow up, have some dignity and leave him alone.

~ I'm sorry to be blunt, I know the truth hurts, but believe me, lies & denial are a million times more painful in the long run...

* I'd also suggest NOT giving your virginity to a grown man who would drop you the very second his ex pops back up.
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Old 12-04-2016, 11:16 AM
 
Location: Planet Earth, USA
1,704 posts, read 2,324,039 times
Reputation: 3492
He is using you as a rebound and waiting for that virginity

This long distance relationship will not last!
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Old 12-04-2016, 11:30 AM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,725,695 times
Reputation: 54735
Is it THAT difficult to find someone your own age, in your own town? Or do you spend so much time online gaming and sitting in front of a screen that you can't form a three-dimensional social life?

LDRs that start out in cyberspace really don't have enough glue holding them together to survive the jealousy issues like the one you are dealing with
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Old 12-04-2016, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Florida
23,173 posts, read 26,194,030 times
Reputation: 27914
Maybe it's a phone I'm not used to but if I want to text somebody, no list of old texts comes up unless I poke around to see what other texts had already been made...incoming or outgoing.
Sounds like another "first time poster" boring Sunday fun story to me.
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Old 12-04-2016, 12:10 PM
 
1,505 posts, read 1,810,323 times
Reputation: 2748
You are 18 and should be enjoying you time with friends your age. Why would a 27 year old man want to be involved with an 18 year old lady? Get real with what you saw and move on to someone who deserves you. You deserve more than a 27 year old man on the rebound.
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