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Here is the situation: My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We have ALWAYS had a strong relationship. Currently, he is living 1800 miles away from myself and our 3 kids for work. In 1 month, the kids and I are moving to our new home. We have had a lot of little, silly arguments since he has been gone (he left in September 07). I'm aware that these are due to the stress of us being apart. I'm not worried at all that our relationship is falling apart or anything like that.
Now, the problem at hand. I've asked him 3 times over the last 1 1/2 months for something special from him. Flowers, balloons, a card, an e-card, ANYTHING! And, every time I request it, he has an excuse for not doing it. Is there anyway I can get him to understand that as a woman, I want that extra bit of attention? I feel like I'm screaming out to him and he's turning a deaf ear to me. For the record, I'm not a materialist woman, I don't expect these things. And, I think it wouldn't be an issue if we were together. But, during our difficult separation, I'm feeling alone and lost without my soulmate next to me. I guess I just don't understand why he doesn't get it. I can't be any more forward about it, as I've told him 3 times what I want. I'm not that woman who is hard to understand or confusing with what I want. I tell him straight forward. I got nothing for Valentine's Day and he told me he thought it was "No big deal". I don't know any woman who thinks V-Day is "no big deal". Especially when we are 1800 miles apart! Also, he forgot our anniversary this year. It was in November. In his defense, he didn't totally forget. He got me a cell phone. But, on the actual day, he forgot to tell me Happy Anniversary. It was our 5th anniversary, which to me, was kind of important.
Sorry this is so long. Any advice/input/ideas would be greatly appreciated!
I can't think of a way to make him do this as you were very direct with him which I commend you for. You didn't simply hope for it and not ask him. Maybe send him a little somethng that you know HE will like?
I am sorry that you are hurting. You have made your point. He has heard it, but I would drop it now. I don't get how getting an extra card, balloon, or flowers would prove that he misses you more. It is good that you can be open about what you want, but do you really want it know that you have had to basically beg for it?
And for the record, I am a female, and I feel that Valentine's Day is "no big deal". It means nothing to me, and I find the whole holiday ridiculous. People get so bent out of shape because they don't get some huge gift. My husband and I don't celebrate Valentine's Day. I have always hated that day, because it seems so forced. People get so frantic that if they don't get some big huge expression of love on Valentine's Day, their relationship *must* be doomed. It is really so silly to me.
Well, seeing as how I know things in our relationship will improve once we are back together, I'm not overly stressed about this situation. I guess maybe I'm concerned that he doesn't take my feelings into consideration? He is a very "manly" type of guy who doesn't show his feelings or emotions very often. Maybe he's thinking it would be too feminine for him to consider my feelings? I know he loves me and misses me, but for him to show it would be a wonderful thing for my heart to see....and he doesn't show it. Maybe I'm crazy and reading way too much into it!?
To easternerDC, I don't know you....therefore, you can't fall into my category of women I know who think Valentine's Day isn't a big deal. LOL! I'm joking, of course! I know there are women out there who feel the way you do. And, if DH and I weren't 1800 miles apart, V-Day wouldn't be a big deal to me either. I guess I'm a romantic at heart and was hoping he would see it as a good opportunity to express his love and show he misses me. Maybe I am a rare breed of woman left who thinks romance is important in a relationship?
I was gonna say...just go buy yourself something! Next time he hints around he wants some sex...just tell him you forgot and it's no big deal.
LOL! That brings a smile to my face!
And, yes, it doesn't have to do with the fact that I want a material object. I want some attention from him! I want him to show me he thinks of me other than at the times he normally calls me (on his way home from work and after dinner). A morning phone call saying "Good morning baby, I wanted to tell you I love you and I miss you and you are on my mind all the time." It's the romance I want, not the object.
I know how hard it is to be apart from your spouse. My husband would go on deployments for six months at a time. This is a very difficult time for both of you guys. I know you feel unappreciated, but he may be feeling some sort of loss as well. This last month will be extremely hard on you guys. Why don't you send him flowers? I know you came out and told him exactly what you wanted, but sometimes even this is too subtle for some men. My suggestion would be to take some time out for you and your hubby when you move. Show him exactly how to treat you. Just remember, husbands are a long-term investment. Hopefully all the hard work you put in now will pay off later.
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