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Yeah, you might be the rebound guy, unfortunately. Hope that's not the case.
If it isn't, then the fact that she agreed to exclusivity means you're essentially bf/gf - lol.
No, it doesn't. She specifically said to him "I'm not your girlfriend." She wanted to make that very clear. It sounds like she wants to keep her options open to me. I mean, if you met someone who you were really excited about and they clearly wanted to get more serious with you, would you get all defensive and say "No, I'm not your girlfriend. No one tells me what to do. Plus, I still have feelings for the long distance guy I had a fling with who dumped me for someone else?" She shouldn't even be thinking about that guy anymore because it doesn't sound like they had much of a relationship anyway, and now she's actually met someone who wants a relationship with her.
If someone really likes you then they'll be thrilled to be official with you. Period. People make too many excuses for why the person they like won't be in a relationship with them and/or treats them poorly.
Yeah, I agree that it seems kind of reboundish especially at first, but since it's been some months and she still sends texts like "really wishing you were here right now" and "I'm glad you came yesterday, I really needed you" seems less than reboundish. However, like I said, I am afraid that if the old guy breaks it off with his current girl and tried to get back with her, I'm afraid she might do it. I hope she wouldn't but idk. She didn't sound too thrilled that he didn't take her out in public or tell any of his family and friends, wouldn't take pictures with her etc. She has tagged me in a few things on FB, one of them me and her father were tagged..he's still back in PR. Thought that was interesting. Should I bring up my rebound concerns or my concern that she'll go back to him if the opportunity it presented itself? O should I keep o going the way it is?
I don't think you necessarily have to be the rebound relationship. I think it's possible that she really does like you but her ex messed her up and she just wants to take things slow. From everything else you wrote she seems to be into you. I wouldn't text a guy that I'm thinking of him and say the things she says if I didn't really like a guy. Maybe some women would though so I don't know.
If it feels good I would keep going but maybe proceed with caution.
If someone really likes you then they'll be thrilled to be official with you. Period. People make too many excuses for why the person they like won't be in a relationship with them and/or treats them poorly.
Agree, 100%.. As a woman, I know this for a fact! lol
Hell, if a woman is crazy about you ~ you could ask her to go skinny dipping with alligators, and she'd pack a picnic lunch..
Yeah, I agree that it seems kind of reboundish especially at first, but since it's been some months and she still sends texts like "really wishing you were here right now" and "I'm glad you came yesterday, I really needed you" seems less than reboundish. However, like I said, I am afraid that if the old guy breaks it off with his current girl and tried to get back with her, I'm afraid she might do it. I hope she wouldn't but idk. She didn't sound too thrilled that he didn't take her out in public or tell any of his family and friends, wouldn't take pictures with her etc. She has tagged me in a few things on FB, one of them me and her father were tagged..he's still back in PR. Thought that was interesting. Should I bring up my rebound concerns or my concern that she'll go back to him if the opportunity it presented itself? O should I keep o going the way it is?
Look, you know the deal.. All the fears you just expressed here are valid because that IS the current situation w/ this girl. . . You are the rebound.
I'm not saying dump her or call her out for (get this) being human and heartbroken . She's still healing, and you are helping - that's what rebounds do, they help you. Lol. . . . But you have to face the facts, that you may not end up gf/bf anytime soon, or at all.
If you two have any level of maturity, then the truth can be discussed openly in a friendly manner.
A couple months in is nothing much, and if you want a gf that's ready for you, then move on... This girl here is not, and will put your patience to test. So either accept the challenge or disengage. It is what it is, and you can't change that.
Yeah, I agree that it seems kind of reboundish especially at first, but since it's been some months and she still sends texts like "really wishing you were here right now" and "I'm glad you came yesterday, I really needed you" seems less than reboundish. However, like I said, I am afraid that if the old guy breaks it off with his current girl and tried to get back with her, I'm afraid she might do it. I hope she wouldn't but idk. She didn't sound too thrilled that he didn't take her out in public or tell any of his family and friends, wouldn't take pictures with her etc. She has tagged me in a few things on FB, one of them me and her father were tagged..he's still back in PR. Thought that was interesting. Should I bring up my rebound concerns or my concern that she'll go back to him if the opportunity it presented itself? O should I keep o going the way it is?
I would have a problem with this myself. I'd give her a set amount of time (let's say 3 months) and ask her again what her relationship goals are. If you are still not on the same page after 3 months, you'll have a better idea of what you need to do. Good luck!
Thanks for the advice guys, I'm just going to let it be, because indeed what we got going on now is good, I think she knows how I feel about her..just wanted to post some text screenshots, to get y'all opinion one more time. I've had rebound girls before myself, and these aren't things I would say to them. The one about her still having feelings for the ex, that was on November 26th, the rest being relatively recent. Last one was just this morning, we hung out yesterday for our longest time yet - from 1:30PM til I dropped her off at home at 12:15AM. Last text was sent this morning. She invited me over again tonight, a job interview didn't go well and she said she needed me. There's 7 screenshots, sorry they're so big. She's yellow I'm blue.
<sarcasm> Could you make the screenshots just a tad bigger, so we can read them? </sarcasm>
On a serious note: it sounds to me that you are a rebound for her, but not the typical rebound. She is probably super confused right now and probably just wants some time to figure out for herself if her attraction is authentic or if it's due to her missing what she used to have when she was in a relationship. Her comment about no one telling her what to do suggests that maybe they broke up because the guy became too controlling and her first gut reaction was that your request of exclusivity may be a disguise for potential controlling behavior. This is all just a guess...
As someone else already advised, I'd just continue to hang out with her, and then a few months later re-assess where each of you are in your "relationship."
<sarcasm> Could you make the screenshots just a tad bigger, so we can read them? </sarcasm>
On a serious note: it sounds to me that you are a rebound for her, but not the typical rebound. She is probably super confused right now and probably just wants some time to figure out for herself if her attraction is authentic or if it's due to her missing what she used to have when she was in a relationship. Her comment about no one telling her what to do suggests that maybe they broke up because the guy became too controlling and her first gut reaction was that your request of exclusivity may be a disguise for potential controlling behavior. This is all just a guess...
As someone else already advised, I'd just continue to hang out with her, and then a few months later re-assess where each of you are in your "relationship."
Sorry again about the size, they didn't resize like normal and I didn;t feel like fixing it. Anyway, thanks for your input. She's said that she is not really a fan of relationships because of the "bs that comes with being a gf", but I don't really know what to make of that. Though she explicitly said "we're not bf/gf", I don't see the difference between dating exclusively/being extremely intimate and calling each other bf/gf...other than the label. For what its worth I made a blunder last night - she was showing me pictures on her phone and a text came through in spanish from someone saves as "Him" in her phone. Me, being insecure and self-conscious, jumped to conclusions and assumed it was the ex. I asked her via text who it was, her first response was "Really?" then she explained that that was the person's initials, someone she was friends with back in high school in Puerto Rico. Being a native english speaker, my mind automatically went to "him" as in "the him", as in the ex that she admitted to occasionally talking to. She wasn't too happy with that question, accusing me of being jealous and saying she doesn't want to deal with jealousy, which is why she avoids relationships. I told her I wasn't jealous, I was just concerned she was texting her ex during our time together and she said "alright" and we seem to be good, still texting most of the day but more sparsely timed than before, for sure. Chalking that up to her having a bad day though, she's really stressed about her factory job and she even told me she is not a happy person today because of her job situation. So much confusion and mixed signals, it's driving me crazy. I'm trying to be patient because I think she's worth it and I trust her, but fkkkkkkk man. Sorry for the ramble, just needed to rant.
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