Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's been three months since I broke up with my bf and I am completely devastated. Do you think he checked put of the relationship before the actual break up or it was my fault?
I am going to try to give you a chronological order of events and keep this as short as possible.
July 2015 met a guy on vacation (he lives on the west coast, I am on the east coast). That was our last vacation day and nothing much happened.
July-January 2016 he kept in touch with me every single day. He knew i was going to visit west coast in January and offered to drive 7 hours to meet me. I declined but suggested to meet him in a month in his city.
Feb 2016 I flew to his city, had amazing 5 days vacation and started to like him
April 2016 he flew to my city. We had even better time (lots of kissses, holding hands, etc). On his flight back home he asked to meet again.
May 2016 we met in San Diego. Amazing 7 days (best in my entire life). I asked him how he sees us and what we are. His reply:
"It is hard to live 2000 miles apart, but it's been almost a year since we met and one more will fly by (I have a year more left in school). It will be hard, it will be expensive but it is worth trying. I really like you. And I realize you have too many expenses, so we can try for cheaper options or I can help you with some of the trips." Then, he asks to see me again in August.
Right before our vacation in August he becomes distant. He also started a big project and his own business.
August 2016 he is distant on vacation. Still holding hands but i felt something was different. He was doing business on his phone and one time he answered it during sex. I think I also saw him looking at other girls, too. (never happened before, even with half naked, gorgeous girls next to us).
I ask him "what after this trip" in a disappointing voice. He starts telling me how he would move to my city but cannot because of his license for business. I told him I never expected him to move. Then I ask if he wants to continue the relationship and that all this makes sense only if he really wants to.
He says: I want to, but it will be difficult. I have been in long distance before but never across the country. We can keep seeing each other every three months and see what happens. But if we let 6 months go by, then it doesnt make any sense. We are holding each other back. Let me see my calender. I cant travel till I finish what I have started.. soo till November. We can meet again in November."
August to November he still initiates conversations but much less than before and is distant.
I broke up with him two times. First time he kept apologizing and explaining how busy he was. Then we just ignored the fact that I broke up and kept talking as usual.
Second time, he said it hurts him to lose me and would like to have another chance in the future. I break down and offer to make up.
He then asks : where do you see yourself in a year". I told him I would move over if we are still together. He says that is how he sees things too, but he needs to focus on work and get/buy us a place to live, once I move over.
November 2016, he tells me we need to plan our vacation but he is too strung to plan anything. I tell him it is ok, we can wait till January (when my semester is over).
Nov 2016 he goes the entire day without a text. I break up. Then I call him and apologize, he tells me we could possibly try again but it would be better to sleep on it and talk the following day.
I never hear from him the next day and send an angry text. He told me he thought I was going to call and also, that he can't put up with me being angry anymore and that we are done. I then say some nasty things.
Dec 2016 I apologize for the words I used and ask to take me back. He says no, because he doesnt think it will work out long term.
Jan 2017 I text him. We chat for a bit and I ask him if he would be open to ever seeing me again. He ignores the text.
I still struggle to understand what happened. How can someone plan future with me but also cut me off completely or put so little effort into a relationship?
My friend suggested calling him and talk to him one more time before giving up, but I feel I have been pathetic enough already and he will reject me again.
It still hurts. I cant eat, sleep, study or date other guys. Depression and anxiety is all I am dealing with right now.
It sounds like he is tired of your see-sawing emotions, (getting angry because you didn't receive a text for one whole day?) breaking up/immediately wanting to get back with him, and figures the two of you are better off not being together anymore.
Last edited by Gretchen963; 02-05-2017 at 03:28 PM..
... Dec 2016 I apologize for the words I used and ask to take me back. He says no, because he doesn't think it will work out long term.
Jan 2017 I text him. We chat for a bit and I ask him if he would be open to ever seeing me again. He ignores the text.
I still struggle to understand what happened. How can someone plan future with me but also cut me off completely or put so little effort into a relationship?
My friend suggested calling him and talk to him one more time before giving up, but I feel I have been pathetic enough already and he will reject me again.
It still hurts. I cant eat, sleep, study or date other guys. Depression and anxiety is all I am dealing with right now. Should I call him?
As devastating as a break-up can be, I would not recommend calling. Sometimes the best thing to do is accept the stark truth that is in front of you and look forward to a fresh start with someone else. You may never get the closure that you seek, but he has made his decision. When a person vacillates from being steady and predictable to a wildcard that opts for non-responsiveness, I think there are enough red flags that should make you realize you are far better off without him. I wish you the best.
Other info: The post from Wmsn4Life is quite interesting concerning your prior thread (entitled "Was it my picture?"). You signed in later in the thread at Post #42 under this new username - Grace1212. I wish people did not engage in that practice.
You relationship is way to hard with the distance thing. He is starting to see that. Sure its hard to come to grips with, but move on. It doesn't sound like you even see each other that much, so its not a real good long distance relationship even.
I think you misread him all along. What you saw as planning a future together he saw as "maybe we might see each other again."
BTW--"breaking up" because he didn't text for a single day? That's a bit too much.
Consider it a vacation fling that continued past the vacation--nothing more, nothing less.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
