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A friend of mine is 33 and so is her husband. They been together for 7 years, 3 of them married. She has always wanted children, always. She's made that very clear since they first dated. Her husband always said he wanted kids too but now it seems he's changed his mind. Now he says "maybe someday". They own a house and have no money problems, they're both college grads with good jobs. More and more it seems he just doesn't want kids. She's at a loss as to what to do. Does she give up her lifelong dream of having children? Or does she leave her husband who she loves very much with the hope of meeting someone else who wants to have kids? She's very sad about all of it. What would you advise her to do?
She needs to work this out with her husband and keep their very personal issues between them.
As her friend you need to strongly urge her to talk to her husband and you need to not give her any advice outside of
*talk to your husband*.
Honestly, I was in the same position. Good marriage, house, financially securish, but we had only said "someday". What I did was get pregnant and the problem solved itself. People today maybe be SHOCKED that every little detail wasn't discussed to death, but it's what people have been doing forever when they didn't have a choice and they usually survived.
They both love dogs but they don't substitute for children. Why would adoption be an avenue when he doesn't want kids? Do you know how hard it is to adopt and how expensive it is? Adoption wouldn't solve his problem of not wanting kids.
She needs to work this out with her husband and keep their very personal issues between them.
As her friend you need to strongly urge her to talk to her husband and you need to not give her any advice outside of
*talk to your husband*.
She has talked to him, but how do you reconcile she wants kids, he doesn't? He doesn't want kids, so she's stuck, either stay with him and give up having kids, or move on and hope to find someone to have kids with.
I don't think any man is worth giving up having kids for, but that's just me.
Honestly, I was in the same position. Good marriage, house, financially securish, but we had only said "someday". What I did was get pregnant and the problem solved itself. People today maybe be SHOCKED that every little detail wasn't discussed to death, but it's what people have been doing forever when they didn't have a choice and they usually survived.
So you got pregnant accidentally and that solved the problem? Or you just went ahead and got pregnant over your husband's objections? In this case, I don't think that would be possible. Wife wouldn't do it.
Honestly, I was in the same position. Good marriage, house, financially securish, but we had only said "someday". What I did was get pregnant and the problem solved itself. People today maybe be SHOCKED that every little detail wasn't discussed to death, but it's what people have been doing forever when they didn't have a choice and they usually survived.
So because that was the case back "then", we should continue to do that nowadays?
She has talked to him, but how do you reconcile she wants kids, he doesn't? He doesn't want kids, so she's stuck, either stay with him and give up having kids, or move on and hope to find someone to have kids with.
I don't think any man is worth giving up having kids for, but that's just me.
I agree.
If she wants kids, and he doesn't (is it certain that he doesn't want them?), then there's no resolution to this. Not easy to break up with someone you've been with for 7 years and married for 3 of them, but don't see another alternative.
She shouldn't have to give up her dream of having kids if that's what she wants.
Be there for your friend. Comfort her. Support her in whatever decision she makes. But do not tell her what to do! She could end up resenting you the rest of her life if following your advice didn't work out.
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