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Hence why I haven't been dating much lately. I've dated a lot over the years. My very first girlfriend I bought an engagement ring for, but I never got to propose. I was a bit immature at that time, so our relationship was on a death spiral at that point. That was so many years ago and I'm not even that person anymore. I'd barely recognize who I was then, because I was just on a totally different level at that time. She was also the only girlfriend I lived with too.
There's no fear of commitment for me if I actually like the person and vice versa. I was dating someone long distance back in September/October who I was absolutely crazy about. Depending on how that relationship worked out over the next year, I was prepared to move where she was living. She only lived about an hour from where I live now. She ended things and I haven't done any dating of merit since then. I saw someone briefly in November/December, but to be frank, she reminded me of the one girlfriend I had that was mentally unstable. We still text and have hung out as friends a couple of times since I ended things, but I got all the confirmation I needed of why we weren't a good fit. She's a nice lady, but refuses to emotionally work on herself, so she gets really upset when things don't work out in her favor. For instance, yesterday I spent the day trying to help her understand that single life isn't all that bad. She feels her life isn't going anywhere, she's not worth anything, and nobody would want her. Why would I want to date someone with that kind of emotional baggage?
I'm definitely not looking for perfection, but I know there's just a certain type of woman I like. I have single female friends and acquaintances that feel the same way, and they say if it means they're single long-term, if not forever, than so be it. What are we supposed to do? Tolerate someone who drags us down? I'm not even looking for an exact equal, but someone that I can grow with. I haven't had that in several years. The closest thing I had to that was about 3 years ago, but we were already 45 minutes apart, and then she moved to where we were 90 minutes apart. It put a strain on our relationship and we ended up not working out.
I've just shrugged my shoulders at the whole scenario and just opted to hit reset on the whole thing. Take some time out for myself and decide where I want my life to go. I believe we all deserve someone we actually like and vice versa. Not someone we're just settling for, or feeling like we're having to drag along to be with us. That's not fun at all!
Sorry.... I guess it is tricky for someone like myself that is very implusive to get all this back and forth ..... if I am in .... I am all in and go for it and see where it goes. These slow paced relationships just seem sooooo unromantic to me. I am not saying everyone needs to couple up... as crazy as this might seem my approach to marriage was well he asked me ... I really like him.... I have never been marriaged before .... why not lol? If it does not work out at least I can say I got to try the experience.
As the type of woman you are looking for does not appear to be going so well for you.... just to challenge yourself ..... try meeting different people instead of a similar version of the same woman.
Sorry.... I guess it is tricky for someone like myself that is very implusive to get all this back and forth ..... if I am in .... I am all in and go for it and see where it goes. These slow paced relationships just seem sooooo unromantic to me. I am not saying everyone needs to couple up... as crazy as this might seem my approach to marriage was well he asked me ... I really like him.... I have never been marriaged before .... why not lol? If it does not work out at least I can say I got to try the experience.
As the type of woman you are looking for does not appear to be going so well for you.... just to challenge yourself ..... try meeting different people instead of a similar version of the same woman.
Romance = spontaneity = taking chances....
And you say you don't like the slow pace and the back and forth. I'm in the exact same boat, which is EXACTLY why I have an FWB. There's no back and forth there. She likes sex and I like sex, so we have it. I've put myself out there to date different women over the last 2 years or so, yet it's still been the same scenario for me. For some reason, me and dating, are just like oil and water right now.
I've just had one heck of a less than lucky streak as of lately, and I've changed and done different things. I mean I lost nearly 50 pounds and joined a couple of different causes in 2016, and nothing has come together relationship wise yet. That's a bummer for me, because I'm type person who doesn't like to fail, and dating just makes me feel like a failure. I definitely don't like that feeling.
And you say you don't like the slow pace and the back and forth. I'm in the exact same boat, which is EXACTLY why I have an FWB. There's no back and forth there. She likes sex and I like sex, so we have it. I've put myself out there to date different women over the last 2 years or so, yet it's still been the same scenario for me. For some reason, me and dating, are just like oil and water right now.
I've just had one heck of a less than lucky streak as of lately, and I've changed and done different things. I mean I lost nearly 50 pounds and joined a couple of different causes in 2016, and nothing has come together relationship wise yet. That's a bummer for me, because I'm type person who doesn't like to fail, and dating just makes me feel like a failure. I definitely don't like that feeling.
50 lbs....
Interesting that you started with your weight loss, but I am not going to comment on that.
I don't have an answer for you... but it seems like you are a serial dater.
This thread seems like you justifying why you are single .... but the truth you don't have to... so why are you?
If there is nothing wrong with it ... why do you feel the need to justify being single? In the back of your head do you feel there is something wrong with you because you are not married?
*** Please note I am actually not trying to give you the answer because I not ever sure there was a question? ***
I think we are around a similar age and I think I kind of do what I think you are doing with other issues ex dance around the core issue because the core issue to too complicated to address.
The truth is the only this after birth that is 100% going to happen is that at some point we will die. Between birth and death all sorts of stuff could happen... but we techinically don't have to day anything specifically. I am not sure why many people/ self included feel pressured to do or be anything? We don't actually have to live up any expectations.
The time has come to update CD on what's going on with my life in general the last 12 months, since I decided to change my life up around this time last year. A lot of great things have happened, even though I've had some sad revelations along the way.
I'll start off with the fun stuff so far. I LOST A BUNCH OF WEIGHT!! I'm still holding on to my weight loss from the Fall. I gained about 10 pounds over the winter, but a cold and an emergency root canal all in the same week, aided in me losing those pesky 10 pounds.
I bought a house back in December and have really enjoyed my transition from a renter to a homeowner. I did some DIY projects that allowed me to show a little creativity. I built some shelves in my kitchen, resanded and stained an end table for my living room, and built an industrial style coffee table for my living room. Then had some other little fixes around my house that I never thought I'd be able to do.
I'd probably say the best thing though is that I stopped online dating. I'm not saying this to bash the service, but I had been on it pretty consistently since 2009. I had met a lot of women, but when it came down to actual romantic connections, I found myself burned more than successful. I had a success rate for FWBs, but when you're actually wanting romance, those FWBs really aren't going to cut it.
Now for the bad part of the last 12 months and I'm still uncertain if it's really even bad. I've somewhat settled into my single routine. With shutting down my online dating profiles, I've began to start accepting single as an actual long-term fixture in my life. Let me reiterate that I haven't BEEN THIS HAPPY in years, but there's a part of me that still holds out hope for long-term monogamy. I had this conversation with a female friend this past January and she said she's not dating in 2017. She did a lot of online dating herself and left feeling very disappointed as well. So for now, both of us are each other's FWB till something changes in our personal lives. It fulfills that itch for both of us.
It's a weird feeling for me to actually not be talking to anyone romantically or even trying to pursue someone. For the last 8 years that was my focus most of the time. I faked it till I made it with being single. I didn't always like it, but for now, I can say it's truly not all that bad. Hearing people complain about being single is actually starting to annoy me more and more. I just feel like there's so many people who base their lives on not being single that they accept whatever they get. When in reality, if they took care of themselves emotionally, they wouldn't find themselves so overwhelmingly lonely or in bad relationships. I get lonely just like everyone else does, but I know at this stage in my life, the only person who can truly make me happy is myself.
For all of us single people on V-Day 2017, get out there and do something fun! Even if it's just sitting in front of your tv playing a game or even giving yourself a few extra hours of sleep. Being single is not the end of the world. It may not be what we expected, but there's still a lot in life for us to be thankful for!
Congrats on the house purchase and the weight loss! Dude, that is awesome.
I don't know how old you are, but I'm assuming early 30's. If thats the case, no rush for you to try to find someone to spend your life with. I, on the other hand, feel a lot of pressure. Our focus has been the same the last 8 years, as thats when I got divorced. I also focused on self improvement and that seems to finally have paid off. I'm now dating 3 women and have potential to date more. While I don't like the process, I do hope it leads me to someone I can spend my life with. I don't blame you for stopping the online dating. My 2 best prospects I didn't meet that way. One was an introduction, and the other was on a singles cruise where I was somehow an extrovert. Anyway, no rush for you my friend, in my opinion.
I've just had one heck of a less than lucky streak as of lately, and I've changed and done different things. I mean I lost nearly 50 pounds and joined a couple of different causes in 2016, and nothing has come together relationship wise yet. That's a bummer for me, because I'm type person who doesn't like to fail, and dating just makes me feel like a failure. I definitely don't like that feeling.
Interesting that you started with your weight loss, but I am not going to comment on that.
I don't have an answer for you... but it seems like you are a serial dater.
This thread seems like you justifying why you are single .... but the truth you don't have to... so why are you?
If there is nothing wrong with it ... why do you feel the need to justify being single? In the back of your head do you feel there is something wrong with you because you are not married?
*** Please note I am actually not trying to give you the answer because I not ever sure there was a question? ***
I think we are around a similar age and I think I kind of do what I think you are doing with other issues ex dance around the core issue because the core issue to too complicated to address.
The truth is the only this after birth that is 100% going to happen is that at some point we will die. Between birth and death all sorts of stuff could happen... but we techinically don't have to day anything specifically. I am not sure why many people/ self included feel pressured to do or be anything? We don't actually have to live up any expectations.
The core issue is something I haven't figured out yet. Does some of it have to do with me, likely so. However, for some reason it hasn't been working out. For example, I met a woman out at a nice craft beer bar in September of last year. Spent the whole evening together and had a good time. We've hung out here and there since then. I hadn't talked to her in a bit, so I asked her to get drinks tonight. I asked her on Thursday to get drinks. She told me that she hadn't been feeling well, so she was going to have to take a rain check. I said okay and hoped for her to get better.
Well, I have been wanting to refill my growler of a particular beer that's sold at the bar that I usually see her at. I kinda sensed all day that if I stopped in there I would see her in there. So guess who was in the bar when I went in to fill my growler? The woman that I asked to get drinks who was sick. She saw me and then tried to appease me by saying she would have a beer with me. I declined.
People wonder why I have an FWB and that's the reason why. I rather have her said I'm not interested, I'm seeing someone, or I don't want to get a drink with you, sorry. Don't lie to me and tell me you're sick, and when I catch you in the lie, you try to appease me by offering me a beer as a consolation prize. That gets really under my skin. So she's just someone I won't ask to get a drink again. I'm not even wanting to date her. Just wanted some female company that wasn't someone I've slept with, plus it was a good way for me to get out of my house. My dating life is in a complete tailspin. I don't know what I am doing wrong or what I could do differently.
Hey, congrats on the good outlook OP! New home and weight loss goes a long way towards changing your life for the better!
Weight loss and house has been a game changer for myself. The only problem has been on the weekends I'm just not wanting to go out, so meeting people becomes a problem, since I'm not online dating either. This is the 3rd weekend where I've had every intention to go out and come 9:30PM, I just decide to stay in. The break is refreshing though and I've been saving more money being a homeowner than I ever was in my apartment.
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