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You haven't been in the dating scene in over two decades, so your perspective on this dynamic as it relates to older men in the modern dating scene is limited.
Neither have I, last being in it at 50 and now married and 70. However, while "times" may have changed a lot, human nature hasn't all that much.
Neither have I, last being in it at 50 and now married and 70. However, while "times" may have changed a lot, human nature hasn't all that much.
I wasn't referring to "human nature." I was referring to the struggles that some men, mid-30s+, face when they disclose their liking or passion for activities, interests or hobbies that are often deemed immature, juvenile, etc. Many see being open and upfront, making possible interests aware of their favorite pastimes or passions, yields poor results, as far as the dating scene goes.
If by "human nature" you're referring to people having their own dating and relationship criteria and preferences based on a number of factors, and that translates to not preferring to date 40 year old comic book, Star Wars, video game nerds, etc., then yeah, "human nature." Preferences, tastes, personality, background, worldview, interests, perceptions, etc., are all part of the human experience. But my post was directly related to online dating, which is its own unique dynamic.
I wasn't referring to "human nature." I was referring to the struggles that some men, mid-30s+, face when they disclose their liking or passion for activities, interests or hobbies that are often deemed immature, juvenile, etc. Many see being open and upfront, making possible interests aware of their favorite pastimes or passions, yields poor results, as far as the dating scene goes.
If by "human nature" you're referring to people having their own dating and relationship criteria and preferences based on a number of factors, and that translates to not preferring to date 40 year old comic book, Star Wars, video game nerds, etc., then yeah, "human nature." Preferences, tastes, personality, background, worldview, interests, perceptions, etc., are all part of the human experience. But my post was directly related to online dating, which is its own unique dynamic.
You find it more unique than I do. It's still made up of men and women, as of old, just the dynamics have changed in terms of technology but the rest, not so much.
Of course, you are free to continue to disagree just as I am free to disagree with you and believe you're over-thinking and making it more confused than need be.. No bigee!
A few days ago, I came across an online profile of a woman who sounded like the type that hits all my attraction points. I sent her a message and she responded. After a few days of back and forth messages, she agreed to take the next big step and gave me her number for text messages.
The conservation has now hit a brick wall when it came to discussing favorite movies. Basically she hates every film I listed. She hates the X-men movies, Back to the Future, Stand by Me, Unforgiven etc... Then she told me that it sounds like we are a mismatch. I thought she was joking, but she said she's not sure. I responded that taste in movies is a pretty minor factor to determine compatibility. It's annoying at most, but I don't see it as a relationship killer.
Should I just move on?
Oh well, I guess if movie preferences are her major criteria for deciding to pursue (or not pursue) a relationship, you're better off without her. Move on for sure.
What's next? She'd divorce a husband because he didn't like to use the same brand of toothpaste as her anymore?
A few days ago, I came across an online profile of a woman who sounded like the type that hits all my attraction points. I sent her a message and she responded. After a few days of back and forth messages, she agreed to take the next big step and gave me her number for text messages.
The conservation has now hit a brick wall when it came to discussing favorite movies. Basically she hates every film I listed. She hates the X-men movies, Back to the Future, Stand by Me, Unforgiven etc... Then she told me that it sounds like we are a mismatch. I thought she was joking, but she said she's not sure. I responded that taste in movies is a pretty minor factor to determine compatibility. It's annoying at most, but I don't see it as a relationship killer.
Should I just move on? If a woman is that quick to give up and get discouraged then it's likely that she will end the relationship the moment it hits a pothole. That's been my biggest frustration. Women seem to expect perfection and not realize that you have to fight to hold onto a good relationship and it won't always be rosey and perfect.
This thread has evolved a bit past the original topic. Regarding the original topic, a couple of things jump out, assuming the OP isn't embellishing. First, the woman said she "hated" the movies he listed as some of his favorites. She also said that she wasn't sure whether they'd be compatible. That seems to have been lost. The OP certainly could, and in my opinion should tell her they're not compatible, given that she seems to be pondering their possibilities still.
As to why, lets start with the word "hate", and the choice to use the term when talking about someone else's taste in something. She's entitled to hate what she wants, although I wonder what emotion she has left for things like the Holocaust if she truly hates a movie. But let's agree that hate doesn't raise a red flag. I kinda think sharing that with someone does. If she really hates his taste in movies, why not just say something like "we're not a good match"?
Then there's the perverse leaving open the possibility that she could overlook his taste in movies, implied by her not being sure. WTF? Why do that? Like maybe his tastes will change and be less hate worthy in the next few weeks? And back to the OP, who would want to date someone who states that they hate their taste in, well, anything?
Now if she posted here that some guy thought all women were picky because she didn't like or even hated his taste in movies, I'd tell her to move on from that guy also. A bit of a leap, to put it mildly. But she didn't post here.
Then there's the idea of preferences. It's very much in fashion now for people's preferences to be considered off limits for evaluation or judgment. IMO that's true right up until the person states their preference in an obnoxious or demeaning way. But even beyond that, I don't think polite inquiry as to why something is a preference is way out of bounds.
If I say that I prefer National league baseball because the NL doesn't use a designated hitter and that I hate American league baseball, where they do use the DH, I'd expect feedback. If I just said I prefer NL baseball, I'd be open to being asked why. My preference is hardly sacrosanct, and neither is a preference for a particular type of movie.
Yeah, we don't know the whole story here. Sure, she might be an unreasonable jerk, but she might also be a real movie buff who doesn't think that you're the right guy to go to international film festivals or talk about documentaries with.
I doubt a real movie buff would 'hate' ALL those films he listed unless she has very niche tastes in which case she should adapt her OLD profile and filters to try and find a match. It's quite a broad list of films as well, it's not like they're all one genre.
On the other hand if she's just into the more standard chick flick or 50 shades pornos then your typical guy isn't going to have the same taste.
Men and women tend to have different tastes in films and TV. Look through Netflix and there's sections and shows and films catered to men and others to women.
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Is there a big age difference? Those movies are quite old and might not resonate with someone much younger or much older then the op. Movie choice wouldn't be a deal breaker ,if other things lined up but choice in entertainment is important to me. I like quirky off beat,satirical and.edgy programs and movies. If I met a guy whose faves were all really mainstream cgi dependent action flicks I'd be disappointed. Doesn't make him a bad guy, just not compatible with me. Did she offer a list of her faves? I think that information could easily explain the mismatch.
Oh well, I guess if movie preferences are her major criteria for deciding to pursue (or not pursue) a relationship, you're better off without her. Move on for sure.
What's next? She'd divorce a husband because he didn't like to use the same brand of toothpaste as her anymore?
Yeah, that's a silly thing about OD sites. Instead of taking people's money and encouraging them go meet in person, it's all about making profiles full of excrement to DQ people over silly stuff. If all the categories aren't highlighted yellow, too bad, I guess.
My stepmom really tried to make me a movie buff and artsy type after my dad passed on. It really didn't happen, because chick flicks aren't my thing, but I wouldn't turn down someone who I found dateable who otherwise checked most of the boxes I deem a must who held that stuff near and dear.
Really. I've got this foxy teacher gal at the gym I work out at who's claiming me as her workout partner and hates when I can't make it at her time slot. Do you really think if she's getting that hot for me just on looks and my masterful trolling alone that she'd let trivial junk get in the way? Not a damn chance.
OP, get the heck off OD sites and meet chicks in person. Sure, "be yourself" is played out and sometimes the results are underwhelming for average guys, but a golden nugget shakes out on occasion.
OP, get the heck off OD sites and meet chicks in person. Sure, "be yourself" is played out and sometimes the results are underwhelming for average guys, but a golden nugget shakes out on occasion.
Is there a big age difference? Those movies are quite old and might not resonate with someone much younger or much older then the op. Movie choice wouldn't be a deal breaker ,if other things lined up but choice in entertainment is important to me. I like quirky off beat,satirical and.edgy programs and movies. If I met a guy whose faves were all really mainstream cgi dependent action flicks I'd be disappointed. Doesn't make him a bad guy, just not compatible with me. Did she offer a list of her faves? I think that information could easily explain the mismatch.
Films like Back to the Future or Stand by Me are quite timeless and broad. Even if they don't resonate much I find it strange that they'd be particularly 'hated' if the person in question just likes modern stuff.
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