Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 673,445 times
Reputation: 1525
Advertisements
As some of you may know by reading my prior threads and posts, I'm going through something heartbreaking...
I have a male BFF that I have known *before* I met my current boyfriend. I have not been keeping my male BFF posted on everything that has been happening in my life lately because he himself is also currently involved in a LDR.
But, I have noticed that - before I have been experiencing the problems that I have talked about on here with all of you with regard to my diabetic, overweight and extremely unaffectionate boyfriend - my opposite gender BFF has been texting me a lot since the ending of February...he has confided in me that he has not seen or been with his LDR GF in *8* months...coincidentally the exact same amount of time that my relationship with my current BF has *never* been consummated...
I had a text convo with my BFF today and told him in so many words that things are NOT going well in my current relatiionship. Since he is going through a certain health issue of his own (gallbladder issues), he is preoccupied with that...but, he has acknowledged in a round about way (perhaps to be respectful) what I'm going through because he has been in constant contact with me throughout my ordeal. He has confided to me this afternoon that he thinks "I am special to him" and has asked for me to "stick with him" throughout all of what he is going through and that he "needs me" and that he does not want to be a "burden" to me in this way...
I'm SO confused right now....I had a phone convo with my current BF after I had sent him a text this morning (from my heart) telling him that I appreciate every sweet thing he has ever done for me (trying to brace him for the real break up that is to come)...he sent me a voicemail saying my text "brought tears to his eyes" and after I called him and we talked about me appreciating everything he has done for me, it ended in the usual "thank you babe, I appreciate you telling me that".
I feel a VERY heavy sadness in my heart tonight ...because any and everything my current boyfriend has tried up to this point, is too little, too late....he simply waited *TOO LATE* to try and repair this "whatever"ship. And the fact, that I call this a "whatevership" instead of a relationship is even more sad...
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 673,445 times
Reputation: 1525
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
Honestly, I don't think you'll ever leave this guy because you like making threads about him too much.
It probably seems that way to you, but that's not how it is. I'm waiting for the right time to leave...I do not have enough finances yet to move out and break free from him - but, when I do have enough money to exit from his life (and I **KNOW** that's what he's waiting for me to do because he's too much of a coward to tell me directly that this is what he wants), I'll be GONE....
It probably seems that way to you, but that's not how it is. I'm waiting for the right time to leave...I do not have enough finances yet to move out and break free from him - but, when I do have enough money to exit from his life (and I **KNOW** that's what he's waiting for me to do because he's too much of a coward to tell me directly that this is what he wants), I'll be GONE....
Ok. But you could just bump one of your old threads about him instead of making a new one every other week. I mean, nothing has changed since the last thread. You're still with him, still unhappy, and still not leaving.
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 673,445 times
Reputation: 1525
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea
You're in a messy situation and I don't really know what to tell you.
You will have figure this out on your own.
But I think it would do you some good if you weren't emotionally attached to anyone for a while IF you decide to leave your bf.
I've already been somewhat emotionally and platonically attached to my male BFF way before my current BF entered the picture. I've known him for over 2 years *before* I met my current BF and I've been advising him throughout his dating experiences with his past GFs...he considers me his "Wing Woman".
But I do agree with your assessment Auraliea....I'm probably going to break away from my male BFF after I break up with my current BF...I don't want my male BFF to have to deal with hearing about my future heartbreak with my current BF. I think when that finally happens, I'm just going to retreat within myself and stay there for a long time. But, I don't want to leave my male BFF clueless as to what is going on - so, when the time comes, I will tell him what happened...but then after that, I think I'm going to tell him that I need to disappear for awhile...
If anyone else here has been in a similar situation, I'd really appreciate it if you shared your experience with me on this thread. I've never been in this situation before...and I don't know where to go from here...
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 673,445 times
Reputation: 1525
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
Ok. But you could just bump one of your old threads about him instead of making a new one every other week. I mean, nothing has changed since the last thread. You're still with him, still unhappy, and still not leaving.
I do not think that I have been "making a new thread" every other week about the painful situation I've been going through. My apologies to everyone of you here if that is what you all think I have been doing.
I'm so sorry...I don't want to be a bother to anyone. I'll stop posting on this forum. I should be keeping this inside of myself anyway. Again, my apologies to anyone that I have been bothering from sharing my situation. To the moderators here, PLEASE delete this thread. I never intended on bothering anyone like I have with "Sweet Like Sugar".
It was a mistake to post this thread. My deepest apologies to everyone here that has had to read my experience and be bothered by it.
If anyone else here has been in a similar situation...
I guess I'll take a stab at this.
I mean, if you're talking about overlapping relationships, I've certainly done that, and it's not a good idea, of course.
But you really need to ask yourself a few things:
1) Has this "BFF" (you can use first names here - no one knows who it is) been an emotional surrogate for you all this time? It sounds like you two honestly have been blurring the lines for a while now.
2) Are you willing to lose your friendship with him? If you reveal your feelings, that is what may happen.
3) Why the need to "disappear"? After you break up with your boyfriend? That just sounds ominous, and it's really not necessary if you REALLY pledge to yourself to do what needs to be done, and that is establish some firm emotional boundaries while you do a little work to clear your heart and your head.
I also think your #1 priority should be to get yourself on very firm financial footing so you don't have to stay in a situation like this ever again because you can't afford to move out.
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 673,445 times
Reputation: 1525
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
I guess I'll take a stab at this.
I mean, if you're talking about overlapping relationships, I've certainly done that, and it's not a good idea, of course.
But you really need to ask yourself a few things:
1) Has this "BFF" (you can use first names here - no one knows who it is) been an emotional surrogate for you all this time? It sounds like you two honestly have been blurring the lines for a while now.
2) Are you willing to lose your friendship with him? If you reveal your feelings, that is what may happen.
3) Why the need to "disappear"? After you break up with your boyfriend? That just sounds ominous, and it's really not necessary if you REALLY pledge to yourself to do what needs to be done, and that is establish some firm emotional boundaries while you do a little work to clear your heart and your head.
I also think your #1 priority should be to get yourself on very firm financial footing so you don't have to stay in a situation like this ever again because you can't afford to move out.
I don't think I would ever allow myself to "overlap" friendships and/or relationships...
1.) No, he has not been an emotional surrogate for me all this time. But, we have been in regular communication since early March, coincidentally when things really began to fall apart in my "whatevership". I don't feel like we both have been "blurring the lines for a while"....but, I will admit that I feel that maybe those lines have been being blurred for the past recent two weeks or so.
2.) No. I am NOT willing to lose our friendship...which is why I told him via text that I respect him a lot and that if he ever feels that we're crossing a line by communicating in the way that we have, for him to *please* tell me so that I'll know.
3.) The reason I'd want to "disappear" from my BFF after I break up with my current boyfriend is so I can clear my head and just take a break...from everyone and everything... and plus, I don't want to put any unnecessary burden on my BFF with regard to having to hear about my break up and him wanting to/feeling obligated to comfort me through my healing process...
And yes, my present #1 priority is currently working on and having partially achieved getting on a firm financial footing so that I will always be in control of my life and to NEVER allow myself to be placed in this type of disadvantageous position ever again.
Your post has tremendously helped me to reassess my situation and to see what is truly important. Thank God for your post - that I needed to see when I needed it most....
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
