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How could his behavior not play a role? He is in the relationship...
Haha, very logical, Jenk. I meant--he's dropped hints that some kind of lapses on his part play a role in the current situation. Vs. her just out of nowhere, out of personal weakness and nothing more, going out and getting involved in an emotional affair.
18 years married and four awesome children. Two days ago I felt as if I died and went to hell. It came to light that my wife has been having an affair. The man in question is an ex convict who she met at daughters junior high. He is a parent of another child there and is separated from his wife. I suspected an affair, and she admitted an emotional aspect of it. Then proceeded to blame me for being a **** husband and blaming me for her falling in love with someone else. Last night she went out and didn't come home until three am, she was with this guy I know.
I have been devastated and have felt like dying (I would never kill myself). I have said that if she won't give him up then I don't see how we can be together anymore, she is threatening me telling me she'll take everything I have since she's the one who has looked out for the best interests of the kids, telling me that I'm **** and she's hurt that I'm willing to throw her away like that/ she is saying she does not want a divorce. I work and she's a stay at home mom.
I have asked her to cut contact with him, yet she said he's just a good friend (which is a lie). I can't sleep, I can't eat. I don't want to be a weekend dad and get to miss out on my children's life. I'm broken and I don't know what to do, I've been completely blindsided. Our marriage has been good but rocky, biggest problems for us has been communication and lack of intimacy over the last year.
I AM SORRY THIS HAPPENED TO YOU!
Sadly, she has already checked out of what's left of your marriage - time to file for divorce first before she does. You will $ and otherwise sadly suffer b/c the laws are mostly against men and SHE KNOWS THIS. You don't have much of a choice imo.
BTW: her lame excuse on why she's having an affair is textbook (playing the victim). If the roles were reversed you would be at fault to much of society as well. Then they say "where are all the good men?" HA!!!
Move onward with life because I see no future together in this scenario - no offense but to me she's damaged goods now.
Two days ago I asked to see her texts between them - all deleted.
Don't do this. Just trust me. Don't do this to yourself. Reading those texts will not do you ANY good.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brokenbeyondrepair
... for only taking so much interest in her now that she has been talking to another man. I have my faults yes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brokenbeyondrepair
I may look like a chump to some of you, but I have 4 kids with this woman. It's not about me being so dependent on her, it's the principle that this marriage has meant so much to me even if I have not showed it like I should have.
The sexual part doesn't REALLY matter. The betrayal is enough.
Look, you don't have to justify why you're upset. You are a family, and the one person who is closest to you has flipped the script on you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Hmmm.....
Well, if it's true that at this point, it's an emotional affair, and now she's saying things like, "NOW you're paying attention to me, now that I'm talking with another guy!", you could choose to stop short of divorce (but still get a lawyer's advice, to inform yourself!), and tell her that if she doesn't want a divorce, she must go to marriage counseling with you.
I agree with the counseling. I would demand it. Don't waste your time showing her this post. Now is not the time to try to "prove" how wrong she is. You do need to consult an attorney.
I ask this, as anyone who attends a wedding is challenged with supporting the marriage. If you have a decent relations with the in-laws, you might clue them in to what is happening and solicit their help.
The last thing your wife wants is for her extramarital relationship (physical or emotional) going public. I would be very tempted to do just that.
What's going on with the kids? How are they handling this? Don't tell us they don't know something is not right between the two of you. They know something is up and they are willing to fill in the gaps with their imagination at some point.
OP, you admitted having faults that possibly lead to your wife's affair and both have no real desire to divorce. Out of the affair your wife might be desperately seeking to provoke the attention lacking from you, which you seemed to realise.
It may do well giving a try to work it out, but it's not the best idea to show her this thread thinking she'll come around.
It would be worth your money to hire a private detective to prove the affair. Solid proof would save
$$$, plus you would have a better chance of getting custody of your children. Schedule a consultation with a good attorney for laws in your state.
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