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OP dropped a hint that the fact that she's looked for companionship elsewhere could be his fault. So marriage counseling might be in order, rather than a lot of lawyer expense and flame-throwing.
OP hasn't posted in quite awhile. An update and some clarification would be helpful, right about now.
I didn't read the whole thread, but all I can tell ya fellas, you don't take care of your woman, someone else will, believe that.
Couples, especially with kids forget they have a spouse and its "all about the kids" No its not. Whose gonna be there when the kids are gone. Take care of your kids, but take care of your spouse too.
I did have a free consult with a lawyer and am aware of what my options and rights are now. We had a heart to heart and I let her know we can't heal unless I have the full story (it became physical one month 1/2 ago) she even paid for the motels twice using my money. She handed over her phone and I recovered the texts, bad mouthing me and nasty messages. Didn't read all of it, but her being a STAHM leads me to believe they had plenty of time to see each other, so far she has only admitted to a few encounters yet she mentions in the texts being happy to have an actual bed for once guess parking lots aren't as romantic. Well there it is. Unfortunately she lied but did come clean about the full extent. I have decisions to be made, she has cut contact with him and said she won't speak to him ever again. He will also never be near my kids which is atleast a positive in this situation.
One of her friends knew about the affair and encouraged it. Saying she deserves to be happy. Safe to say that friend is never allowed in my house again. Also got STD tested so that was fun. Safe to say it's been a ****ty week. I'm not innocent in this, but I didn't push her in another mans bed. He also lives with his mom at his age.
If it wasn't for the kids I think I would leave her. But she is telling me she will do whatever to fix it and save our marriage.
Last edited by Brokenbeyondrepair; 04-22-2017 at 02:48 PM..
Mod cut: Orphaned (quoted post has been deleted).
no judge would award custody to your wife. Even if he weren't an ex-con, she's the one who's jeopardizing the kids' emotional well-being (in spite of her claims of being a stellar mother) by threatening the marriage with her affair.
OK, so to clarify--could you review and tell us what really is, and what isn't, going on? She has not had a sexual affair yet? But she's seeing this guy a lot? And she claims they're "just friends" (i.e. an emotional affair only, at this point), but she burst out during an argument that she's falling in love with him?
You're kind of all over the place with the details of this. Thanks.
Incorrect.
Most judges in Massachusetts would award her the win.
Seen it happen too many times.
Gathering evidence is fine, but I'm not sure the OP is ready to launch his own personal World War yet. When last seen on the thread, he was sounding like he might like to try to work it out with his wife, for the kids' sake, or something. He said she hadn't had a full-blown affair yet, but was somewhat emotionally involved with the other guy. She was the one who was threatening him, which is what touched off all the "lawyer up" recommendations, which were good suggestions in any case, but apparently there's been no affair yet, and the OP dropped a hint that the fact that she's looked for companionship elsewhere could be his fault. So marriage counseling might be in order, rather than a lot of lawyer expense and flame-throwing.
OP hasn't posted in quite awhile. An update and some clarification would be helpful, right about now.
i didnt read all the posts in this thread, but my advice still stands, it just needs to be tempered though as to when he pulls the trigger.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brokenbeyondrepair
I did have a free consult with a lawyer and am aware of what my options and rights are now. We had a heart to heart and I let her know we can't heal unless I have the full story (it became physical one month 1/2 ago) she even paid for the motels twice using my money. She handed over her phone and I recovered the texts, bad mouthing me and nasty messages. Didn't read all of it, but her being a STAHM leads me to believe they had plenty of time to see each other, so far she has only admitted to a few encounters yet she mentions in the texts being happy to have an actual bed for once guess parking lots aren't as romantic. Well there it is. Unfortunately she lied but did come clean about the full extent. I have decisions to be made, she has cut contact with him and said she won't speak to him ever again. He will also never be near my kids which is atleast a positive in this situation.
One of her friends knew about the affair and encouraged it. Saying she deserves to be happy. Safe to say that friend is never allowed in my house again. Also got STD tested so that was fun. Safe to say it's been a ****ty week. I'm not innocent in this, but I didn't push her in another mans bed. He also lives with his mom at his age.
If it wasn't for the kids I think I would leave her. But she is telling me she will do whatever to fix it and save our marriage.
as i noted above, my advice still stands, but since you two have indicated that reconciliation might be in order, dont pull the trigger just yet. but do be prepared if your reconciliation efforts go bad.
I did have a free consult with a lawyer and am aware of what my options and rights are now. We had a heart to heart and I let her know we can't heal unless I have the full story (it became physical one month 1/2 ago) she even paid for the motels twice using my money. She handed over her phone and I recovered the texts, bad mouthing me and nasty messages. Didn't read all of it, but her being a STAHM leads me to believe they had plenty of time to see each other, so far she has only admitted to a few encounters yet she mentions in the texts being happy to have an actual bed for once guess parking lots aren't as romantic. Well there it is. Unfortunately she lied but did come clean about the full extent. I have decisions to be made, she has cut contact with him and said she won't speak to him ever again. He will also never be near my kids which is atleast a positive in this situation.
One of her friends knew about the affair and encouraged it. Saying she deserves to be happy. Safe to say that friend is never allowed in my house again. Also got STD tested so that was fun. Safe to say it's been a ****ty week. I'm not innocent in this, but I didn't push her in another mans bed. He also lives with his mom at his age.
If it wasn't for the kids I think I would leave her. But she is telling me she will do whatever to fix it and save our marriage.
Well, her wanting to fix the marriage is a lot better than her threatening to clean you out in divorce court. I hope you two are able to work this out.
18 years married and four awesome children. Two days ago I felt as if I died and went to hell. It came to light that my wife has been having an affair. The man in question is an ex convict who she met at daughters junior high. He is a parent of another child there and is separated from his wife. I suspected an affair, and she admitted an emotional aspect of it. Then proceeded to blame me for being a **** husband and blaming me for her falling in love with someone else. Last night she went out and didn't come home until three am, she was with this guy I know.
I have been devastated and have felt like dying (I would never kill myself). I have said that if she won't give him up then I don't see how we can be together anymore, she is threatening me telling me she'll take everything I have since she's the one who has looked out for the best interests of the kids, telling me that I'm **** and she's hurt that I'm willing to throw her away like that/ she is saying she does not want a divorce. I work and she's a stay at home mom.
I have asked her to cut contact with him, yet she said he's just a good friend (which is a lie). I can't sleep, I can't eat. I don't want to be a weekend dad and get to miss out on my children's life. I'm broken and I don't know what to do, I've been completely blindsided. Our marriage has been good but rocky, biggest problems for us has been communication and lack of intimacy over the last year.
It will get worse before it gets better, but it will get better (eventually). Its a chapter of your life that is coming to a close and there will be a long road and a new reality ahead of you. Just do yourself a favor and for christ's sake don't ever get married again. You've been there done that and pretty soon you'll have the attorney's fees and child support payments to prove it.
I gotta be brutally honest here, the OP is being a chump. Your wife SLEPT with another man, penetration, intimacy,-------- who still lives with his mama, in a hotel room, that your family paid essentially paid for. Dude, you still want this woman??????
You may not want to be a weekend dad, and to a degree you don't have to be,but this happens in life, you just will have to deal. You said in the beginning its been a good marriage but rocky. Is rocky really your idea of a happy home. Just file for divorce and take your chances. One of the hardest things for a person to me is when the other person desires someone else physically. I couldn't handle it. If you reconcile, its gonna be kind of fake with just keeping up appearances for the kids, do u really want that?
I gotta be brutally honest here, the OP is being a chump. Your wife SLEPT with another man, penetration, intimacy,-------- who still lives with his mama, in a hotel room, that your family paid essentially paid for. Dude, you still want this woman??????
You may not want to be a weekend dad, and to a degree you don't have to be,but this happens in life, you just will have to deal. You said in the beginning its been a good marriage but rocky. Is rocky really your idea of a happy home. Just file for divorce and take your chances. One of the hardest things for a person to me is when the other person desires someone else physically. I couldn't handle it. If you reconcile, its gonna be kind of fake with just keeping up appearances for the kids, do u really want that?
He doesn't need to have it spelled out for him, he got plenty of that from reading her texting history. Give him a break; he's going through enough pain. Maybe this will present an opportunity to forge a better marriage. Maybe they can work out whatever was making it rocky before. Or maybe not, but the OP seems to feel it's worth a shot. I wish him the best.
OP--I wish you the best going forward. I know couples that have recovered from infidelity. With a lot of hard work they end up with a better marriage. It takes time and is difficult. Please don't try to do this alone or based on some internet sites. Find an excellent counselor. I made some suggestions previously as to what to ask any counselor.
Protect your own psychological health going forward. There are questions you have today, but the answers can hurt you even more than not knowing. Write down those questions related to the affair. If in a year you still have those questions, ask. Many will no longer be important and you will have protected yourself.
As for those that are telling you to divorce her, dump her, and calling you names...they don't know you in real life. They don't know what is best for you. Only you can make the decisions as to how to move forward.
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