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men should understand or learn from their parents, that if women are like this then, it's better to be rejected...isn't it. Yes, some women are brutally mean spirited, however, that should give men all the more reason to keep trying....
If I were a man, I'd want to know as soon as practically possible if a woman is mean, selfish, a gold digger....
To you men out there.....
if a woman treats you like this, it is better you know now...personally, you've lost nothing and gained everything....
As always a GREAT post from you.
Anyway, if a woman treats a man like this she did him a huge favor imo.
Many men feel like this:
When human respect is disintegratin'
This whole crazy world is just too frustratin'
And you tell me over and over and over again my friend
Ah, you don't believe we're on the eve of rejection
I don't think this thread is really addressed to me, but I'm responding because I'm perpetually single.
I'm not afraid to talk to women. I'm just very quiet by nature. So, I generally don't talk to anyone, unless I have something to say, or they engage me first.
To add to this thread: very few people are literally afraid of approaching a woman and being rejected. There are far more practical things to worry about:
- She says no - and then tells all her friends that you're "some sort of creep," which damages your reputation since everyone believes the accuser these days... unless the accused is rich, in which case nobody believes the accusers.
- She says yes, strings you along for a while, and then just vanishes, leaving you with wasted evenings and having gotten your hopes up.
- She says yes, you invest time, effort, and money into the relationship, and she simply walks out on you, or reveals that she's still in love with her old boyfriend... who'll be getting out of prison soon. Or maybe she drains your bank accounts, sleeps with your friends, totals your car, or does some other stupid, destructive thing.
It's not being rejected by a stranger so much that hurts for many men - it's the danger of letting some total unknown into your life. Sure, you WANT to find that "special someone," but doing so is often about as fun as going on a job interview while, at the same time, trying to interview her. Eventually, after enough bad experiences, guys may give up unless they happen to be particularly fortunate or persistent.
So, ladies, when a guy fails to read your subtle signals (a language a lot of men are no longer versed in understanding), and "rejects" you because he never approached, understand that he's probably not rejecting you specifically - how could he? He probably knows nothing about you aside from your appearance and a few general personality traits. No, he's probably rejecting what you MIGHT be based on past bad experiences. It's nothing personal, but it can still hurt.
Note that all of the above also applies to women who reject men for seemingly no reason. While the game is played differently by each sex, the motivating factors are very similar, if not identical.
I do get the fear of rejection. I really do. But there is no reward without risk. I just had a long conversation with a friend about something unrelated and he motivated my boyfriend and I to put our art out there. I mean, he got us really amped. And he made the analogy of seeing 50 women in the club. He's gonna ask all 50. If he gets rejected, he moves on to the next one. He said nobody ever died from a no. Us women don't bite. So what is so scary about approaching us?
so is this gonna happen? This weekend?
Will we get an update? I also would like to know if he was totally sober when he did it.
It's something that most women just aren't going to get as they, in most cases, are approached by someone already showing interest. Any idea how easy it is to talk to a stranger when you already know they are interested in you on some level? It's a cake walk.
Most guys fear rejection. What they don't get is that rejection from a stranger that knows nothing about you literally means nothing. But that's really it. Most guys don't have that mindset, or the self esteem, to put themselves out there and say "hi" to a woman that interests them.
I don't know if this applies to many other men, but for me the idea of talking to a woman I don't know is frightening, far more than actually talking to her. My life inside my head is almost always a scary trip, but life as it actually happens is pretty manageable.
I think a lot of people really see scarcity when they're in their head. Like I said, it's a sun bleached desert in there for me. Whether it's friends, lovers, jobs, or solutions to practical problems, it's easy for some of us to think there are few options whether there are or not, and thinking that way leads to feelings of anxiety and maybe despair or desperation, which ruins one's mood and next thought and doesn't do much for a person's attractiveness.
So stop doing that if that's your tendency. Doing anything besides thinking about dating and how fraught it is would be an improvement. Do stuff. Doing stuff makes doing more stuff easier. I know I'm happier and much better company when I've walked my dog or fixed a lamp, as opposed to when I've been fretting about my dog's health or sitting in the dark.
It's something that most women just aren't going to get as they, in most cases, are approached by someone already showing interest. Any idea how easy it is to talk to a stranger when you already know they are interested in you on some level? It's a cake walk.
Most guys fear rejection. What they don't get is that rejection from a stranger that knows nothing about you literally means nothing. But that's really it. Most guys don't have that mindset, or the self esteem, to put themselves out there and say "hi" to a woman that interests them.
What I don't get is why someone would be "interested" in a stranger that they know nothing about. What is to be interested in..... oh! Their looks and that's it. Most women don't want to be valued just for their looks.
What I don't get is why someone would be "interested" in a stranger that they know nothing about. What is to be interested in..... oh! Their looks and that's it. Most women don't want to be valued just for their looks.
K. We're not going to get into objectifying here. The reality is (in general) men approach women based on initial attraction, which is normally looks based. The point is, it is much easier to begin and hold a conversation with someone you know is interested in you on some level. With that said, my point is most women don't understand the fear of approaching many men have, because they don't have to deal with going up to a stranger and beginning a conversation, not knowing if you'll be rejected, because the conversations women normally have with strange men are starting out with implied interest.
K. We're not going to get into objectifying here. The reality is (in general) men approach women based on initial attraction, which is normally looks based. The point is, it is much easier to begin and hold a conversation with someone you know is interested in you on some level. With that said, my point is most women don't understand the fear of approaching many men have, because they don't have to deal with going up to a stranger and beginning a conversation, not knowing if you'll be rejected, because the conversations women normally have with strange men are starting out with implied interest.
That IS NOT to say that women don't have to deal with creeps, dbags, and harassers. I can see how being approached all the time isn't as wonderful as it seems to most men on the outside looking in, especially to women who want to be valued for more than their looks (it's not all of them, by the way). But the point of the OP is regarding men and their fear of approaching / talking to women. I'm merely trying to lay it out and express my opinion on why the OP, and other women like her, don't get why some men have these issues.
What I don't get is why someone would be "interested" in a stranger that they know nothing about. What is to be interested in..... oh! Their looks and that's it. Most women don't want to be valued just for their looks.
Yes I know what you're getting at but for example if you're walking down the street, in a pub etc and you notice someone you like the looks of and they smile back then that's why many would pop over and say hello in order to find out more about them.
If you find out there's nothing in common after speaking then that's no problem but I for one would be kicking myself if an opportunity presented itself and I did nothing.
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