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My bf and I have been together for 5 years, and I thought I knew him inside out... until I found out that he's been going on various online dating websites pretending to be single throughout the past 5 years.
He's always claimed to be too lazy to do the online community thing where he has to fill out profiles, but for these sites, not only did he fill out EVERYTHING, he even uploaded pictures of himself and messaged SINGLE GIRLS.
I confronted him, but he claimed that those are "nothing," that "they don't matter," and that he "didn't do anything." But to me, the fact that he registered and all is enough action for me; I feel like he cheated on me (at least emotionally and mentally), multiple times, all behind my back. He said he only went on those websites when we were broken up (that one time)/in a fight or when he just wanted to break up/be single/see what's out there (we are each other's firsts.) But I checked out the dates, and all those times he was on those sites, nothing was going wrong with us. So it's a blantant excuse.
I asked him if he wants to break up so he could be single again and date to his heart's content, but he said no, and started saying how "I want to marry you," etc. kind of BS. I'm just so utterly disgusted and repulsed by all this... and by him. How can someone you have been so close and intimate with for so long be capable of doing something like this?
I'm confused. Should I just get over it and forgive him? or should I leave him?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
p.s. We're both just out of college and he KNOWS that I never intend to get married, ever.
Hmm... sounds like what my wasband did. Nice profile and all... not him, but none the less... at least he chose a preference as brunette... thats what I am....
That is wrong...he lied to you by deceiving you & to everyone else he told that he was single. It is clear he had intentions to cheat...why else would he put a profile up? He was/is seeking out relationships with other women.
I don't understand why he would do this if he wants to maintain a relationship, but I've never understood the cheating mentality...
Maybe it's an ego boost, who knows, but it doesn't seem healthy to me.
Bottom line is, he's a liar & sneaking around behind your back. I know you just can't turn your feelings off, but don't let them blind you either.
Hmm... sounds like what my wasband did. Nice profile and all... not him, but none the less... at least he chose a preference as brunette... thats what I am....
yea... he did the same. all his preferences fit me to a T. Is that why he's your "wasband" ??
Though he didn't actually do anything aside from those profiles and one-way messages, from what I can tell...
I asked him if he wants to break up so he could be single again and date to his heart's content, but he said no, and started saying how "I want to marry you," etc. kind of BS.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisamisa
p.s. We're both just out of college and he KNOWS that I never intend to get married, ever.
This is particularly telling.
IMHO, you don't pretend to be single unless you are unhappy with the prospects of your current relationship. So, no, I wouldn't just let it slide.
Well lisa, speaking as someone who came across one of these "pretending to be single" guys online and having spent a great deal of time talking, bonding, sharing, and making plans together only to discover for him it was all a game, I can only say this: Lies are lies. Cheaters are cheaters.
I know I am better than that. Deserve better than that. I sure as hell know that his wife deserved better than that. Judging from what you are saying here, YOU deserve better than that too. Get rid of him.
I have to side with all the others. It is not incumbant on him to act as if he is married and devoted to you for all eternity until the two of you decide that is the case, but as long as he is in a relationship with you he needs to keep that sacrosanct.
He can be sociable and I think it is even okay to for him to visit the dating sites as single as long as he is honest about it with you. You are not married yet so he is single. From what you have said it sounds like you two haven't even really talked about marriage, so why wouldn't he list himself as single?
The only "crime" here is not being honest about it with you. If he cannot be honest at this stage of your relationship about his curiosity, then he will never be honest with you when times get tough later on in life.
You should not care that he has visited dating sites unless he has actually made dates while you are together. You should be mad as hell that he tried to flimflam you about it when he got caught.
How many women is this that have come on here and told much the same story.
He sounds like a player, let him go.
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