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Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 8 days ago)
35,633 posts, read 17,968,125 times
Reputation: 50655
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Hmmm. He does sound like a jerk.
But in my early marriage, my husband was very into the idea of "compromise". After a while it wore threadbare for me.
I want to go see _____ movie. He didn't, so how about we see ______movie. I didn't, so how about we see this movie that neither of us wants to see but we won't hate.
That only goes so far. After a year of that, I'd say I want to go see _____ movie. He'd say he didn't, and I'd say that's perfectly fine, I'll go see that movie I want to see sometime with my girlfriends or my sister.
We compromised on decor, and we ended up with a house neither of us loved but were willing to tolerate. No way to live your life. Now, I have my areas that I've decorated and love, and he has his and yep.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 8 days ago)
35,633 posts, read 17,968,125 times
Reputation: 50655
Quote:
Originally Posted by Long Time Listener
Very much true.
Yes, being able to make others work according to your plan is resourcefulness and is a good trait.
Also known as being a man.
A real man has a journey. He can invite a woman to go along, but he well never let her sway him off-course.
A woman will try, though. It is her right to try to push her man over every once in in a while, to test his strength, to make sure he is still the real man. Woe a guy who gives in. A pushover cannot be pillar the woman holds on to.
Are you for real?
Follow up question, are you in a long term relationship, or have you ever been?
Yes, being able to make others work according to your plan is resourcefulness and is a good trait.
Also known as being a man.
A real man has a journey. He can invite a woman to go along, but he well never let her sway him off-course.
A woman will try, though. It is her right to try to push her man over every once in in a while, to test his strength, to make sure he is still the real man. Woe a guy who gives in. A pushover cannot be pillar the woman holds on to.
Haha - where do you get this stuff? Or do you just make it up as you go?
One-sided relationships don't work over the long term. That's why it is important to weed out these selfish, self-centered types. You did the right thing, OP.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NicoleNicole
I don't think you know what compromise means, but to help you....here you go...
compromise
1.
an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions.
1.
settle a dispute by mutual concession.
Doesn't mean pushover or a "what-do-you-want-to-watch kind of guy".
It means hey we watched an action flick last night, would it be ok to watch a comedy tonight.
It means making decisions with your partner so both of you are happy and satisfied, so not everything is always one sided.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorker11356
Exactly.
Not sure what that poster is talking about in regards to dating a pushover kind of guy.
Don't you know, it's supposed to be his way or no way at all, and to suggest anything else is stepping out of line. Plus, "women" truly desire douchey, er, assertive men that put their foot down, even if it's something seemingly innocuous like choice of movie or dinner.
Well, l often find the girlie things just too boring for me basically.
When l was married it was just painful after 10 years of trying to share interests like that.
Seemed lw as always expected to do all this girlie crap l had zero interest in yet she was rarely doing any of mine or if she did she often liked it anyway , where as her girlie stuff , well, yaknow.
Lot of facets to this. All by itself, complaining about the movie thing sounds petty, but I think it was intended as an EXAMPLE of a theme...OP felt that in general too many things were "his way or the highway" and she was expected to provide company on his arm to things she didn't like, but he'd never do the same.
I'd say if two people don't like the same kinds of (for instance) movies, but they've got other friends they can hang with as movie buddies, and they don't mind doing things separately, this could work. Like the classic business of a woman going shopping or to coffee with her female friends, and the guy watching football with his guy friends. Nothing wrong with that! But if my guy expects me to go to football games with him because he has no other company, or like some kind of arm candy, or to "support" his interests...but he flatly refuses to come share my activities? Oh, no. That would not be ok at all.
I have been a fan of the band GWAR for much of my life and I enjoy being in the pit for their concerts. I'm now romantically involved with a man who is almost 60 years old. There is no way in hell I'm going to even want him to join me at concerts, I'd be worried sick that he'd get hurt. He's no moshpit veteran like I am. Even though I'm a small woman, I know a lot of tricks that keep me safe. Besides which, this would not be anything he would ever be interested in.
He loves to go to ComicCon. I went to a couple of these with him, but in general the big ones I just don't want to go to anymore. Mostly because standing in lines and shuffling through crowds all day is not my idea of a good time, nor is paying sums of money for an autograph and 20 seconds of a celebrity's time. I'm just not that impressed by celebrities. My guy, however, totally is.
I'm not trying to change him and he's not trying to change me. We just might not do all the things together. It's cool, we've both got other friends.
Lot of facets to this. All by itself, complaining about the movie thing sounds petty, but I think it was intended as an EXAMPLE of a theme...OP felt that in general too many things were "his way or the highway" and she was expected to provide company on his arm to things she didn't like, but he'd never do the same.
I'd say if two people don't like the same kinds of (for instance) movies, but they've got other friends they can hang with as movie buddies, and they don't mind doing things separately, this could work. Like the classic business of a woman going shopping or to coffee with her female friends, and the guy watching football with his guy friends. Nothing wrong with that! But if my guy expects me to go to football games with him because he has no other company, or like some kind of arm candy, or to "support" his interests...but he flatly refuses to come share my activities? Oh, no. That would not be ok at all.
I have been a fan of the band GWAR for much of my life and I enjoy being in the pit for their concerts. I'm now romantically involved with a man who is almost 60 years old. There is no way in hell I'm going to even want him to join me at concerts, I'd be worried sick that he'd get hurt. He's no moshpit veteran like I am. Even though I'm a small woman, I know a lot of tricks that keep me safe. Besides which, this would not be anything he would ever be interested in.
He loves to go to ComicCon. I went to a couple of these with him, but in general the big ones I just don't want to go to anymore. Mostly because standing in lines and shuffling through crowds all day is not my idea of a good time, nor is paying sums of money for an autograph and 20 seconds of a celebrity's time. I'm just not that impressed by celebrities. My guy, however, totally is.
I'm not trying to change him and he's not trying to change me. We just might not do all the things together. It's cool, we've both got other friends.
This.
I think most healthy relationships have areas that both people are NOT on total agreement on. But there SHOULD be areas where you ARE in agreement, and there should probably be more of those areas where you ARE in agreement than not.
My husband and I have a lot in common in tastes...but not everything. We don't go to the movies to see romantic comedies. We go to the movies to see action adeventure/sci fi stuff. He asks if I want to go, he treats, and I have a good time.
I'm not going to ask or expect him to treat me to the Notebook. It's not his thing, and I know it. I'm a grown, 21st century girl who can drive, have friends, and my own money, and if I want to go see The Notebook, I can dang well take myself to see the movie, and my husband would say "Have a good time".
I think most healthy relationships have areas that both people are NOT on total agreement on. But there SHOULD be areas where you ARE in agreement, and there should probably be more of those areas where you ARE in agreement than not.
My husband and I have a lot in common in tastes...but not everything. We don't go to the movies to see romantic comedies. We go to the movies to see action adeventure/sci fi stuff. He asks if I want to go, he treats, and I have a good time.
I'm not going to ask or expect him to treat me to the Notebook. It's not his thing, and I know it. I'm a grown, 21st century girl who can drive, have friends, and my own money, and if I want to go see The Notebook, I can dang well take myself to see the movie, and my husband would say "Have a good time".
Yes. The other thing is, if one of us REALLY wants the other to try something...we'll communicate that, and they probably will. And then they might say, "Well, that really was not my thing, but I'm happy that it makes you happy" and it's all good. But each of us have certain things where we really know the other simply would not enjoy them, and we plan to enjoy them on our own or with other friends.
We have both watched movies (at the request of the other) that we were like, "Hm. Thanks for sharing, but I don't think I ever need to see that again as long as I live..." Yet we were happy to be snuggled up on the couch together spending time, so it was all good.
For us, taking joy in the other one's joy, is more important that having our egos validated by someone having to show up and cheer our every interest and kowtow to our every preference.
A real man has a journey. He can invite a woman to go along, but he well never let her sway him off-course.
A woman will try, though. It is her right to try to push her man over every once in in a while, to test his strength, to make sure he is still the real man. Woe a guy who gives in. A pushover cannot be pillar the woman holds on to.
Yes, being able to make others work according to your plan is resourcefulness and is a good trait.
Also known as being a man.
A real man has a journey. He can invite a woman to go along, but he well never let her sway him off-course.
A woman will try, though. It is her right to try to push her man over every once in in a while, to test his strength, to make sure he is still the real man. Woe a guy who gives in. A pushover cannot be pillar the woman holds on to.
It weirds me out that people actually think like this in 2017.
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