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From the time they get married, men hope their wives will never change, and women hope their husbands WILL change
...?
Maybe women just embrace change and guys want things to stay locked in the glory days...?
I find the answers to this, pretty interesting, too.
I think this may be because men value consistency more so than women. what most men view as being comfortable and dependable many women view as being in a rut. This may date back to our hunter gatherer days, when going into the woods/jungle with a group of guys carrying sharp pointy sticks it's very important to know what to expect from each one of those guys,
as in:
1. zug zug has a lazy right eye= always stay to his left.
2. grum smells like chicken a predator will go after him first.
3. juk juk is slowest runner stay close to him and get away while lion snacks on him.
4. krob bad with spear safest place to be when he throws is right in front of him.
But anyway as a man if I chose to be in a romantic exclusive relationship with someone I am basically saying "yes, this is what I want!!!! I finally found her...." and when she changes it kinda feels like a bait and switch.
where it seems women can view a guy as raw material, as in "all the pieces are there I just have to put it together". there was a dating study back in the mid 90's that showed women were most attracted to almost successful men average looks for long term relationships/marriage , they had male profiles set up in 8 groups of varying degrees of conventional attractiveness and levels of success in their chosen profession. successful good looking men cam out in the middle surprisingly, but they did come out on top for short term, my guess is the women being polled thought of short term meant "summer/vacation fling".
But in the study women were basically choosing men who were almost what they want over what they want to eventually have, I guess it's true that women feel the journey is more important.
I guess they felt the if they got with the total package they could not claim contribution to his success and are just along for the ride.
Part of my contribution to that discussion, which applies here, is that it's not just good stuff (for me) in that state. It is intense and honestly a bit crazymaking. My friends get tired of hearing me go on about my partner. Along with all the happiness, when we're apart living our lives I have feelings of vulnerability and insecurity. After all...I'm investing emotions in someone who I have not known for a long, long time, and giving them the power to hurt me. So it's kind of a rollercoaster.
But if the have the same cocktail going on they won't hurt you.
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While there are things I do enjoy about this "honeymoon hormones" phase...I do not enjoy all of it, and I'm not my best and most functional self in all areas of my life when I'm under its influence.
So no, I really don't think it would be mentally healthy for most people to be constantly high on the new relationship juice.
being happy has been proven to be healthy, sadness, loneliness are known to manifest themselves in real health problems, statistically married men live years longer, married and unmarried women are about even, looking at the poll results I can see why.
Quote:
However, I also think that people should remember that there will come a time that you actually have to be more deliberate and mindful in how you are treating your partner. It is easy to, as the OP said, try to fit them into your life without breaking anything, or settle back into routines and seemingly take them for granted. So in the words of relationship counselors in the world, you must "be Good, Giving, Game" and "turn toward" your partner, not away. And if you appreciate them, make sure you say it. Try to keep that positive energy flowing, past the infatuation stage.
But that's my point, when under the influence of the happy drugs your body naturally produces during this phase you dont not have to REMIND Yourself to be a good boyfriend/girlfriend it comes natural.
The honeymoon phase evolved in us for a reason, it served us well for 3.5 million years the problem now is life is more simple now but with many more distractions and a much longer lifespan.
2 months was perfect in a time were birth control did not exist and the average lifespan was 30, and we were all living under the constant threat of death either from something eating us or not having enough to eat.
you would just meet the cavewo/man of your dreams the happy chemicals would have you humping for a few months and by the time it wore off she was showing, then the bonding chemicals would kick in and by the time those would wear off the kid would be learning to t or pick berries and you are both too busy to think about how bored you are with each other, and by the time you do have the time to think about it you are old (30) and about to die soon anyway.
we live too long now for 2 months of happy drugs to have much of an effect.
I think this may be because men value consistency more so than women. what most men view as being comfortable and dependable many women view as being in a rut. This may date back to our hunter gatherer days, when going into the woods/jungle with a group of guys carrying sharp pointy sticks it's very important to know what to expect from each one of those guys,
as in:
1. zug zug has a lazy right eye= always stay to his left.
2. grum smells like chicken a predator will go after him first.
3. juk juk is slowest runner stay close to him and get away while lion snacks on him.
4. krob bad with spear safest place to be when he throws is right in front of him.
But anyway as a man if I chose to be in a romantic exclusive relationship with someone I am basically saying "yes, this is what I want!!!! I finally found her...." and when she changes it kinda feels like a bait and switch.
where it seems women can view a guy as raw material, as in "all the pieces are there I just have to put it together". there was a dating study back in the mid 90's that showed women were most attracted to almost successful men average looks for long term relationships/marriage , they had male profiles set up in 8 groups of varying degrees of conventional attractiveness and levels of success in their chosen profession. successful good looking men cam out in the middle surprisingly, but they did come out on top for short term, my guess is the women being polled thought of short term meant "summer/vacation fling".
But in the study women were basically choosing men who were almost what they want over what they want to eventually have, I guess it's true that women feel the journey is more important.
I guess they felt the if they got with the total package they could not claim contribution to his success and are just along for the ride.
Exactly.
I think guys have it right in this scenario. No partner (female or male) should go into a relationship trying to change their partner into what they want.
I don't think this poll is about wanting to change anyone. I agree that one shouldn't expect to change their partner. I still wouldn't want the "honeymoon hormones" to last forever. It's not about my partner at all, it's about how those hormones affect me.
I don't think this poll is about wanting to change anyone. I agree that one shouldn't expect to change their partner. I still wouldn't want the "honeymoon hormones" to last forever. It's not about my partner at all, it's about how those hormones affect me.
I would, lol. Then again, I can usually control myself enough even when in that stage.
I don't think this poll is about wanting to change anyone. I agree that one shouldn't expect to change their partner. I still wouldn't want the "honeymoon hormones" to last forever. It's not about my partner at all, it's about how those hormones affect me.
How do they effect you? seems to me most problems in a relationship start AFTER the cocktail wears off.
during this phase a couple treats their partners as they should be treated(exception being abusive people), and the best is you aren't even trying the good boyfriend/girlfriend gene just kicks in and you a happy to be considerate, loving, passionate and attentive. You don't have to remind yourself to not take your partner for granted because he/she is always on your mind and in your thoughts anyway.
people say that relationships are work, well they don't seem like work at all when in the honeymoon phase people just do the right thing on instinct.
I don't think this poll is about wanting to change anyone. I agree that one shouldn't expect to change their partner. I still wouldn't want the "honeymoon hormones" to last forever. It's not about my partner at all, it's about how those hormones affect me.
Kinda sad that it seems women don't like the honeymoon phase of a relationship, it's usually the best part.
I think it's sad that you think the best part of a relationship is the very beginning, and that 8 responses is representative of all women. I'd hazard a guess that a majority of people in long-term relationships and marriages wouldn't trade all that they've built together for that initial rush and hormone-clouded thinking.
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