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Even though it was his birthday, I think you messed up when you paid the check. Now he is expecting you to pay for everything and he seems to have a messed up attitude about it.
The guy should move up to NYC, the city matches his moral compass. A lot of young guys today don't believe in paying because that's their way of pushing their brand of equality agenda.
I debated with younger guys at work how some expects their wives to prepare dinner, take care of children, and work to contribute to the family just because he makes more money. You call that equality?
The guy subscribes to what many millennials do, "Pay myself first" mentality. Selfish, Yes. Cheap, No. I'm sure he'll gladly overpay for certain indulgences.
I'm allllll for equality. Equality would in fact be both of splitting everything evenly, including the room.
As for your millennial point, I agree with you (even though I do hate to lump in everyone under that word). And as for his "indulgences" he is a huge tech guy. Has 4 screens at work and at his place for his computer. He has a nice Jeep with a not so cheap car note (as he's told me he probably wouldn't do that over again if the opportunity arose). Lives in a nice apartment downtown by himself. Although when his lease is up he did say he was moving somewhere cheaper...
But I try not to speculate how much cash flow / net worth he has because 1) it's none of my business and 2) I will never know without seeing it. He could be a smart invester. I really don't know. So I'm not trying to knock him and say he's broke or anything. Just careful where's he splurging.
Even though it was his birthday, I think you messed up when you paid the check. Now he is expecting you to pay for everything and he seems to have a messed up attitude about it.
It appears so. Possible case of mistaking my kindness as me for a doormat? Me thinks not. Just as he has a car payment each month, I have student loan payments each month. Nobody is in a much better situation than the other.
Plus, it's not about the financial aspect. Having a guy take you out and treat you adds to the romance. I don't mind treating too. You got promoted? Celebrating something? Had a crappy week? I bought my guy friend many of overpriced cocktails in NYC for his bday this past weekend.
I really don't mind giving. But when it's not reciprocated I'm going to feel some type of way about it. And it doesn't help when my girlfriends are in my ear saying "Leave him. He's a loser. Walk, don't run" etc. I know it's best to keep the relationship private between the two of us, but I do go to them from time to time for advice and they know they can come to me.
Sorry, but I think you’re being whiny. YOU invited him to accompany you on the trip, so you should’ve paid. The end. But if you wanted a different arrangement, you should’ve discussed the financial aspect with him BEFORE the trip. And no fair expecting him to adhere to a “pick up the tab” standard that you have in your head.
Bottom line is you two are just not compatible. He sounds like a jerk.
If we are going to split everything 50/50, that's cool with me. But it needs to be everthing: lodging, transportation, meals, activities & entertainment, etc. I understand I invited him; however, he had the option to decline if he wasn't in a financial situation to join the group as everyone else in the group paid their way.
We went to this high-end steakhouse restaurant STK, located in the trendy Meatpacking district for dinner one night and he left the table to ask for his split check from the rest of the group. When the server came back, the rest of us were left to fend for ourselves and figure out splitting. Luckily, my friend Sophia just ended up putting it on her card and we all paid her cash or Venmo'd her.
Also should mention he doesn't have the Uber app, so while those of us were able to split the fare, he said he'd pay us back in cash. That never happened. -__- Luckily, we rode the subway most of the time. Just in the late evenings we would Uber back to Brooklyn.
... is stuff you are supposed to work out BEFORE you go. You can't just EXPECT that he will split stuff when you haven't talked about it.
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Originally Posted by SorryImNewHere
...everytime he wanted to take a trip with her she would decline and say she didn't have money to do that, which upset him.
Probably because he thought she would pay.
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Originally Posted by SorryImNewHere
And he was happy to see that I travel a lot.
Probably because he thought YOU would pay.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SorryImNewHere
And it doesn't help when my girlfriends are in my ear saying "Leave him. He's a loser. Walk, don't run" etc.
It appears so. Possible case of mistaking my kindness as me for a doormat? Me thinks not. Just as he has a car payment each month, I have student loan payments each month. Nobody is in a much better situation than the other.
Plus, it's not about the financial aspect. Having a guy take you out and treat you adds to the romance. I don't mind treating too. You got promoted? Celebrating something? Had a crappy week? I bought my guy friend many of overpriced cocktails in NYC for his bday this past weekend.
I really don't mind giving. But when it's not reciprocated I'm going to feel some type of way about it. And it doesn't help when my girlfriends are in my ear saying "Leave him. He's a loser. Walk, don't run" etc. I know it's best to keep the relationship private between the two of us, but I do go to them from time to time for advice and they know they can come to me.
You need to see some appreciation or atleast see the guy make an attempt to offer to pay even if you decline. It's the thought that counts. We're not talking pricey stuff here.
One of my guy friend helped his ex pay off her credit card debts. She owed about $15k and he helped her pay it off and he never ever lets the woman pay for anything on a date or trip.
After the update I wouldn't be so quick to cut this guy loose. It sounds like just a bit of miscommunication all around that is on its way to getting cleared up. Don't forget about those issues and keep an eye out for them in the future but I'd try to move past it and see if that needle ticks back up.
Wow, the OP paid for his birthday and people are still blaming her? Jeez Louise. You just can't win, huh? I don't think she did anything wrong. She expected him to pay for his half of the hotel because that's what decent people do, unless she said beforehand that she would pay for everything, but trips are expensive... I have gone on trips with guys and never expected them to pay everything. If your friends invite you on a trip, do you expect them to pay everything?
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