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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,730,129 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tonydouglas
yea, a change of heart now is probably a huge long shot, but i appreciate the encouragement.
i'm on the fence.. i want to reach out, to just talk it over at least. seems like that might be easier to do sooner rather than later, while this thing with the new dude is still in the early stages
or do i just wait? i could send her a message on her birthday in a couple of weeks. maybe she misses me a bit in the interim
it's hard not talking to her.. we've practically been in touch everyday since we met. worse case scenario, i could, eventually, do the friend thing with her. i mean, we got along really well and have a lot in common. we talk about everything.. except when one of us is seeing someone else..
i guess i have that idealistic scenario in my head where would get into a relationship with someone who's a best friend
If you do reach out and she doesn’t feel you. I speak from experience, cut her off and go no contact. It is bad enough you missed signs she was into you (if she never said anything to you, I don’t buy that for a second) being around her will just be a reminder that you missed your chance to have her and that is not torment or BS you should invite for a minute.
I would not have ANY expectations about getting with her.
But really, what kind of "clearing the air" do you think needs to be done??? I really don't think anything else should be said about "us." Based on your comments here, there is a risk that you would have some misplaced resentment boil over.
The two of you probably will not be able to hang out as much, if at all, now if she begins dating this dude.
sooner rather than later, while this thing with the new dude is still in the early stages
or do i just wait? i could send her a message on her birthday in a couple of weeks. maybe she misses me a bit in the interim
Look. If she hasn't sexed him already (in which case it's already too late), she will be sexing him on the next or following date. If she likes him that is. Do something right now while there MIGHT still be a chance. You really have nothing to lose. You've lost her already.
You can confess your feelings or not. Odds are she’s going to start missing you.
It’s probably not your fault. It does seem like you were being a kind and respectful guy. It’s her loss. Don’t beat yourself up too much.
The other guy may have blindsided her, especially if she thought the two of you were becoming an item. Sometimes, a woman’s hormones are at a high level, she may have had a couple of drinks, this guy wandered in with all of the right pheromones and she got interested all of a sudden. It happens. Doesn’t mean it will last. It doesn’t mean a whole lot, so don’t sweat it.
Your best bet is to drag yourself out of the house and get some exercise, socialize, and keep yourself busy. Let this thing run its course. No, you’re not a loser.
You can ask someone else out. Maybe casually date a few interesting women. Don’t make a big deal of it. Don’t do the rebound thing. Just keep moving and improving. Anything can happen.
yea.. i'm pretty much resigning myself to the fact that it's not going to happen with us now. it is what it is. i still have an itch to talk to her about things one more time though, being that our last convo was a little heated and i don't know that either of us really said what we wanted to (or maybe i should speak for myself). i think having a talk will take some of my anxiety away. and then we can let whatever happens happen.
the feedback i'm getting from friends mirrors what's been said here.. most say to just let it go. as of right now, i don't think i can go without one last talk. though, i haven't reached out yet.. we'll see. i feel i'll cave before tomorrow is over.
if we end up as friends again, i think i can deal with that after a little time to adjust. and that would be ok i think. i am just really disappointed that i didn't handle this better.. it was right there for the taking. it's killing me that it's friday night, knowing that she's probably out with this dude.. i mean, normally, we'd be texting every so often telling each other about our nights... ugh.
like ellie said (thanks for the kind words), who knows what will happen with this new guy? if i can just get myself to not think dwell on it (not easy at all) and focus on me and other things to occupy my mind, i'll be better off.
You can confess your feelings or not. Odds are she’s going to start missing you.
Probably not. The new shiny penny will be the main, or sole focus.
Quote:
It’s probably not your fault. It does seem like you were being a kind and respectful guy. It’s her loss. Don’t beat yourself up too much.
Yes, don't beat yourself up. There are a lot of other women out there, and take this as a learning experience which I am sure you are.
Quote:
Your best bet is to drag yourself out of the house and get some exercise, socialize, and keep yourself busy. Let this thing run its course. No, you’re not a loser.
^^^^^^This.
Quote:
You can ask someone else out. Maybe casually date a few interesting women. Don’t make a big deal of it. Don’t do the rebound thing. Just keep moving and improving. Anything can happen.
yea, a change of heart now is probably a huge long shot, but i appreciate the encouragement.
i'm on the fence.. i want to reach out, to just talk it over at least. seems like that might be easier to do sooner rather than later, while this thing with the new dude is still in the early stages
or do i just wait? i could send her a message on her birthday in a couple of weeks. maybe she misses me a bit in the interim
it's hard not talking to her.. we've practically been in touch everyday since we met. worse case scenario, i could, eventually, do the friend thing with her. i mean, we got along really well and have a lot in common. we talk about everything.. except when one of us is seeing someone else..
i guess i have that idealistic scenario in my head where would get into a relationship with someone who's a best friend
You haven't learned anything...your strategy is to "just wait" - you mean wait some more?
That's the problem...you just wait and wait and hope stuff plays out the way you want. You are very passive. Occasionally that works but most of the time it does not. Figure it out.
yea.. i'm pretty much resigning myself to the fact that it's not going to happen with us now. it is what it is. i still have an itch to talk to her about things one more time though, being that our last convo was a little heated and i don't know that either of us really said what we wanted to (or maybe i should speak for myself). i think having a talk will take some of my anxiety away. and then we can let whatever happens happen.
the feedback i'm getting from friends mirrors what's been said here.. most say to just let it go. as of right now, i don't think i can go without one last talk. though, i haven't reached out yet.. we'll see. i feel i'll cave before tomorrow is over.
if we end up as friends again, i think i can deal with that after a little time to adjust. and that would be ok i think. i am just really disappointed that i didn't handle this better.. it was right there for the taking. it's killing me that it's friday night, knowing that she's probably out with this dude.. i mean, normally, we'd be texting every so often telling each other about our nights... ugh.
like ellie said (thanks for the kind words), who knows what will happen with this new guy? if i can just get myself to not think dwell on it (not easy at all) and focus on me and other things to occupy my mind, i'll be better off.
The best thing you can do now is start dating. Do have that talk with her. Have that closure. Maybe even tell her you want to talk for the sake of closure so you can move on. She already knows you have a thing for her so you might as well just say it to her. Tell her how you feel about her and that you are sorry you have lost her and now you are moving on.
Then move on.
P.S. No need to actually speak in person or phone - just have that conversation by text. That way you can be in control of what you say.
The best thing you can do now is start dating. Do have that talk with her. Have that closure. Maybe even tell her you want to talk for the sake of closure so you can move on. She already knows you have a thing for her so you might as well just say it to her. Tell her how you feel about her and that you are sorry you have lost her and now you are moving on.
Then move on.
P.S. No need to actually speak in person or phone - just have that conversation by text. That way you can be in control of what you say.
Good luck.
This sounds good to me too, OP.
I agree also that you sound like a really nice guy and I'm sorry it has turned out this way. I do remember (way back in the day ahem) that I encountered a few nice guys who were so tentative and cautious that I lost interest pretty quickly, so just want to give you encouragement to go for it if you really like someone. Worst case scenario is that they don't feel the same way.
OP: DO NOT wait to see if she comes back around. It's that kind of thinking that got you into this situation. If you want this woman you have to go for it. If she rejects you outright -- well, then you can start the process of moving on. It ain't over till it's over. BE BOLD.
(P.S. Texting is not bold.)
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