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He did the right thing in how he responded, given his feelings. Taking a break and asking for space as your friend IS how to get over romantic attachment when it isn’t reciprocated. If you don’t feel the same way, all you need to do is respect the boundary he has set and wait to see if he initiated contact again down the road. The ball is in his court if your mind isn’t changing on a relationship with him, so just move on and hang with other friends while he sorts out himself.
I know it hurts, but he sounds like a really great guy. But that really great guy likes you, and is trying to be that really great guy by handling your lack of reciprocation in a way that respects you AND himself. There’s not much more for it.
Those feelings aren't going away for him. As such, the friendship's pretty much done.
Out of curiosity....why are you not interested in a romantic relationship? Just the level of physical attraction? Different directions in life?
I think it's mainly physical acttraction that's lacking. He's not unattractive, but really not my type. Anothe big point is that I just can't change my feelings for him even if I wanted to- I've always seen him as a friend and don't think I could ever change that. And i have thought about it, yes.
Thanks so much everyone, that was really helpful. Confirmed my initial thought that I should just let him be, and not contact him unless he contacts me. It's hard but I really just want what's best for me, even though it really makes me sad to think that we'll possibly never be close friends again.
I think he also thinks that I sent him mixed signals even though I don't think I did, I've always treated him the way I do, but before he probably saw it from a different view because I always had a boyfriend. I never kissed him, one time when he tried to kiss me when he was drunk I told him to not do this, and I have never said anything that would make him think that I'm interested in him.
I need advice. So I (29) have been friends with this guy(29) for about two years. We met through mutual friends and became good friends quickly. I had a boyfriend when we met and he was dating some girl too (but broke up with her shortly after). For over an entire year, we were just good friends and hung out all the time within our group. I knew he didn't have feelings for me before because we often told each other our dating stories and laughed. Also he tried to get with other girls all the time and the whole vibe was just different.
Then, this summer, I broke up with my ex. Because it was summer, we did a lot of more activities within our group of friends and even though I never met this friend just by myself, a few times we ended up getting food together after a night out before going home. I never thought anything changed between us, until he told me about his feelings for me. He said he's in love with me (but I know he wasn't before) and I told him that I'm sorry and that I just see him as a friend. He kept trying for a bit, but I kept telling him that I'm not interested (even though he insists I flirted with him). Just for the record, we have never kissed or anything like that.
He also realized that I'm trying to see other guys. I'm single, and I'm on Tinder, and I didn't try to hide that fact. I guess that hurt him a lot, especially since he was still seeing me most days of the week. I hoped his feelings would fade and we could go back to being friends, but they didn't. About two weeks ago (after being in love with me for about 5 months), he suddenly blocked me on the messenger. I reached out to him on FB and asked what's going on, and he basically told me that he has never felt like this before, that he really tried to get over me but just can't and that he's done talking to me and sees no other way. That seeing me and seeing that I'm trying to date other guys makes him feel like ****. His message sounded pretty pissed, disappointed and sad. I replied and told him I understand, then he didn't say anything again. I heard from our mutual friends that he wants to avoid me at all costs and won't even show up at most group activities anymore because of me. I saw him on Friday though at a bar and we completely ignored each other.
I want him to get over me, so I haven't contacted him in these entire two weeks and I didn't try talking to him at that bar, but I'm also worried that we can never go back to being friends. He has been one of my best friends and I really miss him, I don't know if I should keep ignoring him every time I see him (which won't be often it seems), and not message him ever. I want him to know I care about him. But I guess that's really not what he wants to hear right now, and as I said, I do want to give him time to get over this. But what if we can never get past this...
What would you do in my shoes? Thanks.
Of course you're not going to go back to being friends. He likes you. The "just friends" thing is 100% done. If you think you've made it back to being friends, he still likes you.
If I were him I probably would have tried normal pursuit before the all-or-nothing "I'm in love with you" line. What the hell were you supposed to do? Even if you liked him a little this probably would have been off-putting. If you are both mainstays in your group of friends, just hope he finds someone else and you can ignore each other cordially going forward. Seems like he put a lot of pressure on you, no need to feel the pressure to appease him because you can't.
You don't want to date him and he's not going to go back to who you saw him as, so you're in a tough spot. I can't give "advice" but I can say the way this usually goes is one of you stops showing up to the group stuff until it blows over and if that person starts showing up again it will still be weird. If you're both in similar standing within your group, the group will probably split somewhat with some hanging out with you and some him.
Don't contact him....he'll come to realize that you're not interested in a romantic relationship with him soon enough.
Personally I think you made a good choice not becoming romantically involved with him....the fact that he was feeling like "****" and blaming you for that, and his disappointment, and his being "pissed" and sad because you want your OWN life tells me he could be a pretty controlling guy if you let him.
Don't contact him or he'll get the wrong idea...unless that's what you want.
Eventually, if you've been "good friends" like you said you were...he'll be back wanting to be friends again.
Leave that ball in his court. You've already made yourself clear to him...don't muddy the waters as he seems to have trouble seeing through that.
Remember, YOU were a good friend to him as well......if he don't want your friendship unless he can also bed you that HIS problem...don't make it yours.
I think it's mainly physical acttraction that's lacking. He's not unattractive, but really not my type. Anothe big point is that I just can't change my feelings for him even if I wanted to- I've always seen him as a friend and don't think I could ever change that. And i have thought about it, yes.
I've always found that women are more strict on types and can't stray from that where men are more flexible especially if they find someone they have a great connection with who's not bad looking.
Anyway I'm in a similliar boat with a women who I was friends for years with because she married someone I knew then when they divorced we hung out more and that's where I caught feelings for her.. I don't know or think it's reciprocal though she's flirted and said things at times to where I wouldn't completely rule it out.
Thing is I do value her friendship and I don't want to lose that but at the same time it is hard to maintain a friendship when you start developing feelings for a person and you don't know if they feel the same.
Plus at this point it would hurt me to see her with someone else..so part of me is thinking screw it just go all in and tell her how you feel and part of me is scared to possibly lose a very good friend if she says no..tough situation
This is one of these tough circumstances where no one is at fault. Your friend had feelings for you. You didn't feel the same way, and now he needs time to recover so to speak. This happens, and you did the right thing by being straight and honest with him that you do not feel the same way. While it may hurt, it is way better than just stringing him along and giving him false hope.
He just needs time to do whatever he needs to do to recover. Whether he comes back or not remains to be seen, but he seems to understand that he can't be the friend that you want and need when there is romantic feelings involved on his part.
He's realize eventually that you're not that special and move on
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