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I am late 30s with no kids, never been married. She is early 40s has two kids, 10 and 20, one from each marriage. The 20 year old has moved out.
First marriage was to her high school sweetheart. She married for the second time when she was 31 and was married 10 years. Her divorced was finalized just a few months ago.
She has a decent job and house in a nice neighborhood so it does not sound like she needs financial support.
She seems nice and only lives only 5 minutes away in the same small town than I do. Debating whether to move forward or whether two divorces is enough of a red flag to move on. I'd hate to move forward only to end it, which could be awkward living in the same small town.
Does just because she's been divorced twice mean it's her fault? Not in the least. Don't hold that against her. I'm glad my wife didn't think about my 2 divorces.
If a person divorce twice in the past, it should really be a red flag there. You have to know what you want out of this relationship with this woman. If you can't answer this questions, then no one can help you. If you plan to have a family with her, make sure you are prepared to divorce with her as well because that is likely to happen since she had divorce twice already.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
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I think if you been divorced twice, you should at the least accept that marriage may very likely be not your thing. Relationships won't probably be your thing either. As for the OP, she sounds stable enough to proceed but keep a very tight grip on the release if she repeats the behaviors that led to her divorce
I am late 30s with no kids, never been married. She is early 40s has two kids, 10 and 20, one from each marriage. The 20 year old has moved out.
First marriage was to her high school sweetheart. She married for the second time when she was 31 and was married 10 years. Her divorced was finalized just a few months ago.
She has a decent job and house in a nice neighborhood so it does not sound like she needs financial support.
She seems nice and only lives only 5 minutes away in the same small town than I do. Debating whether to move forward or whether two divorces is enough of a red flag to move on. I'd hate to move forward only to end it, which could be awkward living in the same small town.
My husband of 15 years was married 3 times before me, and he's my second husband. Sure...2 marriages is at least, a yellow flag. But in my opinion, 1 red flag (or yellow) does not necessarily mean a deal breaker. It's just something to keep in mind.
Oh, and by the way, my husband has been married to me longer than he was married to his other wives. I have no doubt that we'll stay married til one of us dies.
Maybe she lets herself get into marriage too trustingly without waiting to see if she truly SHOULD marry a person? There are plenty of reasons why someone might be twice-divorced. Wait and see, keep it at a slow roll, but I don't think this factor alone is a good reason to stop dating her.
If she turns out to be difficult, dramatic, or a messy problem person and you find yourself thinking, "Ah. I see why she was divorced twice, now. I'd totally divorce her, too."...then you'll know, won't you? After all, you can quit the relationship at any time. Why do so before you really know if you should?
In this case, going slow also means taking your time before becoming part of her child's life. That is an important thing to mention. If she is the sort to be like, "date me, date my kid" and expect you to come to the Birthday party at Chuck E Cheese on the third date...maybe urge her to take it slower. Like you two need to figure out if you are really compatible, before you assume it's going to be a long term relationship, and you shouldn't become part of her kid's life until you have some idea of that, in my opinion. Stability (as much as possible) is better for kids.
If a person divorce twice in the past, it should really be a red flag there. You have to know what you want out of this relationship with this woman. If you can't answer this questions, then no one can help you. If you plan to have a family with her, make sure you are prepared to divorce with her as well because that is likely to happen since she had divorce twice already.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
I think if you been divorced twice, you should at the least accept that marriage may very likely be not your thing. Relationships won't probably be your thing either. As for the OP, she sounds stable enough to proceed but keep a very tight grip on the release if she repeats the behaviors that led to her divorce
Quote:
Originally Posted by va_bank
Sure, just don't marry her.
You know, these are very judgmental comments about situations you have no inkling about. I was divorced twice - the first after that husband broke my nose and teeth. The second, was when I discovered he hit my son. And was starting to move on to me. So I'm not marriage material? Wow - good to know that those situations are both MY fault. My son and I were the victims, but the circumstances were OUR fault. Drug addiction, infidelity and violence in the first marriage that I did not know about when I married him, and for the second, a terrible temper that evolved after he started drinking excessively which was not occurring prior to the marriage. I'll let my current husband know I'm no good for him because by your logic, something I will do will cause him to go off the rails!
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